The site where they BASH Aspie husband and wives. :O

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"Damned if you do, damned if you don't."

Yes it is sad. Some of them harbor deep resentment with preconceived notions and thus falsely project any number of negative attributes onto all aspies (unchecked, no less.) Its very one-sided and not a healthy form of support IMO.

Aspies aren't even allowed to post there. What if one aspie had relationship issues with another aspie? That person certainly wouldn't be welcome in their support group. I would be willing to bet if someone attempted to defend aspies on that forum, they would be attacked and ostracized.

I know, they've always been like that and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever either. The only difference between us learning the skills and the NT's doing it naturally is that we learn to do it consciously. Otherwise there's absolutely no difference.



Yes, no offence to the woman on the ASPartner forum who posted this but her "therapist" is complete and utter bigot.

There was an aspie who used to post there once (Lwaxy was her username I think). Needless to say, she no longer posts there.

Exactly. Skills or abilities may come more naturally to some, while others may need to put a little extra effort forth in particular areas. The end result is the same.

This can apply to learning anything: social skills, reading, writing, football, archery... you name it. If there is an ability or skill to be taught, there will always be some students who pick it up more naturally than others at first. The end result (mastery) is the same.

You are saying what I'm saying. You are just failing to correctly label it as imaginary.

The rules of a Monopoly game also has real effects on your life while you're playing the game, no matter how long that may be.
An idea is no more real if it is believed for many years than if it was forgotten in seconds.
Taking actions in the real world based on ideas do not make the ideas any more real.
They always exist in the imagination only.

I have a feeling that no matter how many examples I use, or how in depth I explain the differences between ideas and real things, that you will still refuse to acknowledge, or just fail to understand.
This condition is actually inherent to the brain processing information subconsciously in a certain way.

Many people just cannot discern the difference between what is real and what is not, or it may take several hours of talking them back out of several layers of abstraction.
I am told that once those people go back into social structures, that their understanding of the difference goes away again.
So, I just ask that you keep an open mind about other levels of understanding.

Yeah. The bunch at ASpartners is a pretty polarized group though, so I hope those remarks reflect more on them than the general population or us.

The only thing I wonder about is, maybe while we're learning social skills, before we're so used to them that they become part of us, we might not come off as sincere because it's not something we do naturally? That would be off-putting to anyone, including us. Just a thought.


Indeed. I think it's scary that a therapist would say such a thing at all. These are professionals we might have to deal with too, and when people in that position, who should have an understanding of why we are the way we are, make such comments, it's chilling.
I do realize that the therapist may have said so because she had heard similar stories before and assumed she knew the client's state of mind and tried to provide a relaxed and safe place where the NT wife could be open, but still... Or it could be how we're seen, period.

If relationships are imaginary, then why do want a partner? You want the relationship, right? They may not be a concrete physical object but they are real in sense that they are part of your life and that you need them.

So she's really lying to her client or is she just telling her what she wants to hear?

IMO, if that's what she was doing (and that's a big if) it's not exactly either one of those.
She may have said so not because she meant it, and not because she thought the NT wife wanted to hear it, but because the NT wife was there to talk about something that was difficult for her. Most people find it hard to say straight out what they think and what the problems in a relationship is (especially IRL), and by showing her that she was on her side and that she wouldn't judge her, she may have provided an environment where she felt it was safe to talk about it freely.
It's a kind of emotional manipulation in order to open the communication channels between client and therapist, and validate the client's feelings.

Even if that was what she was doing, the therapist overdid it my view. I think she could have showed support and understanding without taking it that far.

If two people are friends or lovers, or even get married I wouldn't label that relationship imaginary. However if some creepy stalker is obsessed with someone and the stalker thinks/says they are friends or lovers (when in reality they have never even talked to each other), then I would say that is imaginary.

I think it would be fine if she only said those things about the person, not aspies in general. I think there is a difference but some people will think when you are negative about someone, you are negative about everyone with that condition. So I talk about my past relationships, that doesn't mean I am bashing aspies or people with ADHD or anyone with disabilities or mental illnesses or people with low self esteem. I remember seeing a therapist and I talked about my ex and she said things like "That is bull" or saying he is a jerk and not once did she say "aspies are jerks" or say how toxic they are. The therapist should have only said things about her partner than aspies. I think it's not being a bigot when you do it that way. But unfortunately having that same experience with every aspie you know can give you a negative view about the condition so I tie it down to ignorance than bigotry but it doesn't make their comments not bigotry. Yes there are aspies out there who are like that what the woman described but there are also NTs out there who are probably like that too. I don't think anyone's experience should be invalidated.

Entrotomia (however it's spelled) it's called where the stalker think their victim is in love with them.

Yes there are people who live in a imaginary world, I have read about dolls looking like real babies so some people actually carry one pretending it's their real baby or the time I read about a childfree person having an imaginary family because she got tired of people asking her when will she have kids and stuff so she created a fake husband and kids and takes them with her and has a bunch if photos of them of places they have went to or visited. There are people online who pretend to have a life they don't have so they put fake information in their facebook like their spouse and kids they mention and some just post on forums pretending to be something they are not. Or people who are the victims of catfishing and refuse to believe their partner isn't real because they had fallen in love with that person so they continue talking to them and "helping" them. I would call all this imaginary.

Or what about people who play house? That might be imaginary.
Or what about women who think having a kid will fix everything in their marriage/relationship?
Or what about people who have a pipe dream? I say what I asked above would be a pipe dream because they have a kid and their partner doesn't change for the child because they are not the person the woman was expecting them to be like she hoped for after having a baby.
Or what about people who are in abusive marriages/relationships but the victim continues thinking they are great people just as long as they are calm and don't get upset, etc. or have excuses for them. They sugarcoat it and gloss over the bad stuff and only look at the good so they say their abuser is a good person and make up excuses for their abusive behavior to deny it being abuse.


Could this be what Olympiadis is trying to say?
I don't think anyone is immune to this BTW. But in my last relationships, I had to decided to leave than hoping my ex's will change. I think it would be imaginary to just stay and wait and wait for it to get better and the partner has no intention of changing. Maybe this is what he was trying to say too?

I consider the poster an unreliable narrator. Although she claims to be quoting her therapist- and may even believe this is an exact quote- the therapist may not have actually said this. She may have left the appointment thinking over and over what the therapist said but slowly changing it in her head until it fit what she had wanted to hear. We only have her word for it that the therapist is being quoted exactly. The therapist may be paraphrased with important words and phrases changed from what was actually said.

While that is possible, I don't really understand why the therapist would recommend that book though, if that were the case. I've looked it up, that book "In Sheep's Clothing" is about how to recognise signs of manipulation, from manipulative people, including people with personality disorder's. So, if the therapist recommended that book, then I don't understand how she could not be attributing those things Asperger's unless of course, she was really only telling this woman that her husband was manipulative and a narcissist but not necessarily extending this description to all aspies. On the other hand, if the therapist wasn't attributing this to all people with AS, then I don't understand why the OP of that thread would, while posting in that forum.

Perhaps, but I doubt it. If that was what he was really trying to say, why not be specific about certain situations rather than making broad sweeping generalizations about social structures, money, etc. merely being a figment of the imagination and labeling NT's as psychopaths? He didn't say these things are outliers or exceptions to the rule: it's how he views the world.

Maybe I'm wrong. I appreciate you sharing your point of view either way.

I'm hoping he does respond and tell us. Sometimes people are able to explain things better than others what they were trying to say and then others get it all of a sudden.