Are you attracted to defiant people?

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Being new to this board and to interaction with aspies in general, I find it fascinating how we all started parsing the meaning inherent in the word "defiant" in order to clarify our answer. On other boards I've been on, I would have been the only one trying to break the concept down.

How fun!!

Ha. Well, to add my own two cents worth, I have mixed feelings about the word defiant, even though persons of authority representing the System have always used it to describe me (their term was "passive resistance"). I think a common pitfall many defiant people fall into is that they identify so completely as non-conformists, they actually become conformists to the stereotype of the non-conformist. Or they resist everything that isn't considered fringe. IE: "I hate your stupid pop music, because real music doesn't rely on hooks! Music should be edgy and must annoy a minimum of 95% of the population before it can be considered valid!"

That said, I guess I do feel strongly drawn to defiant people if defiant is taken to mean unique individuals who do their own thing, clearly stand out in a crowd and effortlessly lead by example. Steven Tyler and Johnny Depp are two of my biggest heroes, not because either is likely to cure cancer or end world hunger, but because they're both very odd ducks who show us other odd ducks valid ways to go our own way without coming across as creepy or freaky.

I don't like defiant people because I am defiant myself and defiant+defiant=arguing/fist fight/knives.
Defiant people act as they want to without listening to what other people say; if two defiant people went out together and one decided to do something and they other one decided not to they would end up arguing.
I don't get along with other defiant people because they don't do as I tell them (I can be pretty bossy at times) and I am unwilling to do what they want me to do and they get angry because of that as well and we end up arguing.
If you want me to do something you should either give me enough motivation to do it or ask me very politely, in a gentle way. If you tell me "do it" or ask me in way that's not gentle enough I'm not going to do that.

I admire people who think for themselves. Whether one should be "defiant" on a given issue, though, is a matter of context and priorities.

For example, as an atheist I don't think we should have religious mottos on our currency, government buildings, and so on. But the people who devote all their energy to fighting such things, I find petty and annoying. There are more important issues.

And while mindless conformity is boring, nothing is more tiresome than a fashionable nonconformist.

If I had more money, I'd be "eccentric". As it is I'm just weird. I don't think It's a choice, most of the time. (But if it was, I'd still choose Weird.)
People sometimes see this as being defiant, but the only reason they do is because they are minding my business & not their own! I am the way life made me, & it harms no one.

I think a lot of it comes from your upbringing. If your family's cultures & ideas are different from the 'norm' you probably won't care as much about being normal, because you see the alternatives available.
I just got comfortable with being different. You might as well be. There are a lot of things about yourself that you can't change, even if you wanted to.

School is everyone's 1st encounter with life outside your home.
I spoke with an accent when I started school. (They had me set up for speech therapy until my Grandfather came in & they realized it was a accent, not a speech impediment) Scots+Geordie(N.E. England).
It's English, but not as most would recognize it.
We did not go to church. ' Different' in those times.
I came from a farm background, not suburbia. The 1st time I saw peanut butter, white bread, or cow's milk was @ school lunch time. I brought WEIRD LUNCHES!
I had tea in the morning which gave the school nurse fits. I was allergic to cow's milk, which also gave her fits. (We had dairy goats @ home, because i was allergic to cow's milk. Goats probably saved my life as a baby.)
My Mother worked full time, my parents were separated, & later divorced, which was 100% Abnormal @ that time. (and of course "Children of Broken Homes were all going to prison or Hell anyway." or so was the common theory @ that time.)
We always encouraged our own daughter to learn everything that interested her. She can do an oil change, rotate tires, install drywall, bake incredible cakes, & torts, make great dinners, sew her own clothes, plant a garden, & knows as much as possible about Nature & Science. She likes to dress Steam Punk, & Retro. I've never had a problem with that. If other people do, it's not their business.

There is nothing that you should not know. Girls & boys should be taught life skills. Fixing your car, making a nice dinner, changing a faucet.. you're gonna need to know this or pay some one else a lot of money to do it for you.[i]

"Born this way, yes I was born this way. I'm on some kind'a track , cuz I was born this way."

I am attracted to people who think for themselves and can stand up to authority when needed, unless they think completely unreasonable things and try convincing others to do the same.

I like it when people's tastes in music, books, movies, clothes, hobbies... deviate from the norm. One of my best friends writes experimental poetry, plays the oboe and hurdy gurdy, wears a coppola (it's weird for a 20 year old, even in Italy), smokes a pipe and doesn't give a flying puck about what other people think of it. We were the only out-of-the-closet atheists in our catholic high school, and we got in trouble for that.

What I don't like is when people express their unconventional ideas in a loud and intrusive manner, or when they have very unorthodox views about a subject they have absolutely no expertise in. For instance, a couple of friends of my parents believe the "vaccines cause autism" and chemtrail conspiracy b******t, and spam everybody's facebook with thair tinfoil hatted c**p. When confronted by my neuroscientist brother, one of their answers was "so, for something to be scientific it has to be replicable?!? then we can't exist, because we're not replicable!! !" Epic facepalm.

No. I'm attracted to decent people who show a lot of respect, because my goal is to be like them.

I'm attracted to intelligent, strong willed women.
Sometimes this means they defy conventions, sometimes not so much.
Whatever they do, though, they do it because they want to do it.
They stand up for themselves, and make their own ways.
They stand up to and argue like hell with me if necessary.
It's so friggin' hot when a woman has a big, sexy brain and a strong will.

@Velocityraptor: It's almost like a board full of deconstructionist philosohpers. Makes one wonder if Jacques Derrida was an aspie. You're right, though, it is fun.

YES! I like movies with such strong characters, like I like evil scientists from movies

In movies I really like evil geniuses
I like the brilliant madman, even people I would not like in real life. The good guy in movies is usually a closed minded moron!
BTW your avatar looks like one of my favorite villain species. The Wraith from Stargate Atlantis. I love those guys, though I personally consider them less evil than humans, maybe not evil at all. But normal people consider them villains, anyway

YES! I like movies with such strong characters, like I like evil scientists from movies

I like defiant people
But I don't mean people who stand up for themselves.
I like people who are intelligent, know what they want, and will do whatever it takes to get what they want, and if people/society gets in the way, to hell with them!

They're typically delinquents, troublemakers, rebels, aspd-ers, and... psychos or sociopaths.

I actually am one of them. I have a defiant personality, and I am defiant in many ways, but I am defiant quietly. I lack the guts to do it out loud. That's not a bad thing, given the type of defiance I have.... because if I had guts to do what I want and defy the people around me by age 20 I would either be in jail for the rest of my life or dead.


oh yeah, I like criminals and the evil geniuses in movies and anime/cartoons, they're cool.
in my head i fantasize about being one. defiance against the accepted social norm.
I already defy against the typical aspie behavior. i used to care about fitting in, but now I don't care as much, I don't care if i'm a cylinder being pounding to fit in a square hole that is society.

Yes I am drawn to those who are defiant in the sense of being outspoken and willing to say what they really think or call other people out on their BS. If there is one person in a group who goes against the tide I will be drawn to that person even if I don't agree with what they are saying. Just the fact that they are willing to speak up against the consensus is exciting and appealing to me. If however a collection of defiant people coalesce into a group, it becomes mundane.

I don't like people who defy the norm, for the sole purpose of defying the norm.

It's like people who deep down like the taste of chocolate, but because the popularness of chocolate became mainstream, they decided to force themselves and then (either grow to like, or proclaim to like) and prefer the taste of hazelnut instead.

I do find people who are truly different, interesting. And depending on what makes them different, it will either make me attracted to them or not.

As for being defiant, it depends on the situation and who they're being defiant against and why they are that way.

People who are defiant for no reason other than to cause a scene, be different just cause, or because they just enjoy stirring up sh!t, then no, I would find them annoying as hell and not at all attractive.

I think along those lines. I like groups of defiant people. It's fun! There are many rational disagreements but that is ok. I can live with disagreements in ideology (though not morality).

There's a mental heal term for defiant and just any everyday term for it.

When I read the thread title I instantly thought of characters like Tony Stark and Col O'Neill or any character that you know is fighting on the right side but still defies the rules and does thing their own way. I find that attractive.

I wouldn't say people who stand up against the system are attractive for me, because they are the norm to me. I've been a socialist then anarchist for years and now I'm just a person who rejects the mainstream, question the government and media and is strongly opposed to social networking while existing in that environment at the same time. I'm that way because I think it is changing people and not for the better.
I wouldn't call myself a non-conformist but I don't like seeing people slaves to the media, the government and the social network which is just a continuation of the social structure in society laid out in a much more visible way. I wish I could free them but problem is some people just want to stay there.

In a mental health sense I have a pathology for defiance. I argue a lot and have to catch myself out before I just go nuts over a single topic I may not care anything about or I may be arguing when I would usually agree. Or I will avoid obeying people, especially when pressure is put on me and will purposely break the rules just to get some freedom back. I don't actually like that part of myself though.