Does love exist? Or is it all made up rubbish?

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FireyInspiration
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14 Jul 2014, 11:26 pm

Aspie1 wrote:

Love doesn't exist, at least not between romantic partners. Family members love each other, spouses love each other, humans and pets love each other, even friends love each other (although it's more like comfort and respect than love). But dating partners, no way! It's not love. It's just attraction. The man is attracted to the woman's ability to give him sex, her looks, and her being his guaranteed date for events that require one. The woman is attracted to the man's status/wealth, his ability to protect her, and to the romance he provides (flowers, moonlit walks, etc.). Simply put, the attraction is toward something each person cannot give themselves. A woman will look awkward having a moonlit walk alone, not to mention putting herself in danger. And for a man, masturbating with one's right hand stops being enjoyable very quickly.

Simply put, the item offered by each party cannot be enjoyed without an opposite-sex partner. (I know nothing about same-sex dynamics, so I won't speak on that.) So both parties enter into an unwritten agreement of sorts: each one will give the other what they can give (romance or sex), and collect from the other what they want (sex or romance). It's a rational, albeit somewhat unfair exchange, since providing sex is free, but providing romance is costly. But the system is there, and it works, despite being unfavorable to aspie men. Still, whatever it is, it's certainly not love.

How can romantic partners not be in love but spouses can. Do couples magically fall in love udring their wedding? I don't see your logic there.

Also, although some people (of both sexes) often use a relationship to their own means, I don't think its true with ALL couples. Saying men only want sex and looks and women only want romance and money...is it still sexist when both sexes are equally degraded?

AspieOtaku
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15 Jul 2014, 12:08 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5osPtE7kXI[/youtube]If it means for me to change myself to get true love which I have been doing to the point at times I dont know who I am anymore, then that means I just want to get better!

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KB8CWB
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15 Jul 2014, 12:27 am

AspieOtaku wrote:

That kind of change just in the hopes of securing a partner NEVER works I believe. It's kind of at best disguising who you are in order to attract someone. If you are successful in doing so, it may backfire greatly once your disguise or facade as it were is dropped. And it will be because to me you are pretending to be someone you are not.

It is in my opinion one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. For someone to truly love you, they have to love you for who you REALLY are. And the same goes for the other. One of my marriages my partner actually did just this and it wasn't too long after we had married that things changed. I found out she wasn't the person that she portrayed herself as. I had fallen in love with an illusion.

Aspie1
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15 Jul 2014, 12:44 am

FireyInspiration wrote:

How can romantic partners not be in love but spouses can. Do couples magically fall in love during their wedding? I don't see your logic there.

Also, although some people (of both sexes) often use a relationship to their own means, I don't think its true with ALL couples. Saying men only want sex and looks and women only want romance and money...is it still sexist when both sexes are equally degraded?

I was talking about spouses who have been married for decades. They've moved past the wedding (which is really just an opportunity for the woman to feel like a star of the show) and the 7-year-itch. Also, chances are, the wife realized that she has more to gain from staying with her husband, than from divorcing him and taking his car, his house, 50% of his bank accounts, and sticking him with alimony and child support payments. (Prenuptials don't always help; a good divorce lawyer can override them.) Once the husband realizes that his wife won't fleece him out of his money, he starts to feel safe with her. When the wife had more to gain from staying than from divorce, and the husband feels safe in the marriage, the couple falls in love. Which could be decades into the marriage. Before that tipping point, it's still not love.

vickygleitz
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15 Jul 2014, 1:04 am

That's not how it works with Bobby and I. What you are saying makes no sense to me.

Laddo
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15 Jul 2014, 6:26 am

AspieOtaku wrote:

Eureka13 wrote:

^^ The love itself should not hurt. The LOSS of love may, however, be the most painful feeling in the universe.

Thats too true, its also hurtful when you get betrayed and you love that person but that person doesnt love you back and merely took you along for a ride for her/his personal gain. :cry:

It is incredibly hurtful when someone does this, yes. Some people are just terrible human beings. My ex was one of them. But you shouldn't think you have to change for love, because if someone fell in love the changed you, they wouldn't love the real you, and that wouldn't be true love. I expressed that abysmally, but I hope you understand what I'm saying

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15 Jul 2014, 7:35 am

It is not very technical, or complicated. It is a simple thing. Some people have it, and some don't. It is within you if you have it. You can feel it. It goes out from you. You can spread it around. Like a disease. It is contagious. When other people have it, it spreads more.

Some people try to kill it. For many reasons. Especially the ones who don't have it. It makes it hurt.

I guess that is the best I can describe it.

AspieOtaku
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16 Jul 2014, 3:12 am

I have that odd feeling yearning to be with someone and want to embrace and show my affection and emotional support and have attachments but am afraid i will be heart broken again.

AspieOtaku
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16 Jul 2014, 3:25 am

KB8CWB wrote:

AspieOtaku wrote:

In that case I will stay who I am I am an aspie, a geeky aspie into anime, sci fi and video games, I get hyper and repetitive and dwell on subjects of interest for long periods of time and talk to myself, I am who I am take it or leave it! Regardless of those oddities I am affectionate, caring, compassionate and even at some times empathetic even though I have trouble expressing it at times take it or leave it! Maybe that should be the message I should send then! Although it might end in disaster and me being a loner for longer periods of time, I still get casual relationships but its not the same as intimate long lasting ones!

KB8CWB
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16 Jul 2014, 12:15 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:

KB8CWB wrote:

AspieOtaku wrote:

You have to do what is right for you. The other thing that you need to do is accept yourself for who you are. As long as you are changing to be accepted by others (personal life not work, work have to conform), it will just make things worse. Better to have friends who like you for your true self then false friends that like the illusion you are portraying. The added benefit is that those true friends that accept the "REAL" you will likely share similar interests. Out of those you may just find the one special one. :wink:

AspieOtaku
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18 Jul 2014, 12:56 am

I want to fall in love again but I am also afraid of being heartbroken again and betrayed. :cry:

B19
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21 Jul 2014, 8:48 pm

Does the lottery exist even though you haven't won it yet? - Yes
Does hate exist, even though you may not be a hateful (or hated) person? -Yes
Of course love exists, so does hate, so does the lottery, so does cynicism...

However is your question really asking does romantic love exist? It certainly exists as an experience, as zillions of people can testify. Perhaps because perception is reality. Does romantic love have an independent existence, separate from the people who experience it? That's a bigger question than it first appears to be. I'm still working that one out...

Love is much more than romance, though romance may and sometimes does deepen into a far more complicated state of love, which is multi-layered and multidimensional, a life and soul changing experience.

Yes, it exists. For better or worse, it exists.

AspieOtaku
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27 Jul 2014, 12:37 pm

I hope I find someone and be happy but I don't think it will happen.

ypi
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27 Jul 2014, 2:29 pm

I felt it once. But honestly, just once. Had lots of temporary passions, of course.
It just happened. I wasn't looking for anyone or for love, it happened naturally. In my opinion, if you need to fake something, it's not love. The feeling was taken from me quite fast too (I was left ). I think love has a strong chance of happening when you're not expecting.

mr_bigmouth_502
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28 Jul 2014, 1:52 am

I've fallen in love a few times, but it never seems to go anywhere. For some reason, I find myself drawn to girls with a lot of emotional baggage, and it can be a really challenging thing for me to deal with.

hurtloam
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28 Jul 2014, 2:06 pm

Feels like it's just a cruel lie.

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