mollyk wrote:
My boyfriend is a 25 year old Aspie and is over all a wonderful person. He is the kind of man I have always wanted and holds many qualities I have sought out in a partner. He is everything I have ever wanted and have really enjoyed our relationship (a little over five months) up to this point. When we first started dating I never would have guessed he was not NT until our first fight when things got really out of hand quickly. I have a BA in psychology with a social work minor and work in a field where I deal with communicating with people on all different levels with a wide range of issues and take pride in knowing I'm a pretty good communicator. It's my job and I do it well as I have in previous relationships. But, things with Seth were very difficult and it wasn't until meeting his mom and her sharing with me what he chose not to that I understood why we had such a big miscommunication problem.
Basically, it boils down to this. We often go throughout the day in normal conversation and for whatever reason I will say something (in a very normal tone of voice with no hidden intentions) and he will hear it in a completely different way. Things like "will you turn down the radio" turn into a huge ordeal where he thinks I have majorly disrespected him or don't like his choice of music or said it with an attitude when I know I didn't. I simply asked for the radio to be turned down so I could hear the driving directions being given to me by his friend in the back seat. 99% of our fights stem from something like this where a look or tone is mistaken and it turns into a big ugly ordeal. I feel like I'm constantly apologizing for something I didn't do to try and calm him down and I NEVER see most of the confrontations coming. He also refuses to acknowledge the fact he is the way he is and does interpret things differently and somehow always turns the issue back around on me. It's exhausting. I love him so much and have been really patient through these situations (even his mom agrees) but our relationship has gotten really strained by it and he keeps wanting to break up over the fact he thinks I'm disrespectful to him and he really is NT when he's not. I don't know what to do anymore or who to go to. I love him dearly and want this to work more than anything but don't know how to handle these issues or defuse them.
PLEASE HELP
I had the same issue with my ex boyfriend who was aspie the OP is having with hers. I couldn't talk about my feelings and what was bothering me without him getting upset and anything I said he would take the wrong way. I had to walk on eggshells and I had to keep everything bottled up. Good thing we are not together. This was toxic and abusive I found out. This thread hit close to home and brought back the hurt feelings and memories. But my ex boyfriend had other problems too, low self esteem, jealousy, very negative.
I also don't see how telling someone to turn down the ratio is a literal interpretation for this music sucks. Turn it down just means turn it down. Also I over heard my mom talking on the phone to someone about a patient with Asperger's and she said she talks to her in a calm voice like she does with me. Try that with him and see if it works and makes the situations lighter.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
16 Sep 2014, 6:47 pm
