I often feel more like an NT

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I still think I have mild AS, but from the way some people describe 'NT' people, I often find myself relating to them instead of autistics. I think with regard to certain social conventions/understandings which have never phased me. Maybe I picked them up in different ways to the normal person (but they sure did seem to come naturally), I don't see that kind of disability in me at all. Same goes for my emotional understanding. Occasionally I am a little ambivalent about expressions/body languages, but I certainly get the gist for it to not be a problem.

The areas I can relate to are the obsessive interests, things like at one time spending all my free time studying climate statistics and weather forecasts (at age 15-16), or spending all my time reading and talking about fish. Slightly awkward facial expressions, ticks or 'stims', and itches to make certain noises/gestures.

I'm not sure if I should get a re-diagnosis, since I was quite a bit worse at age 14. At age 14 I was actually diagnosed with HFA, but I'm sure if AS is a separate thing I have that and not HFA, but if it's a name I just am very 'high functioning.' I didn't have a speech/language delay, just as always shy and preferred to play on my own with objects rather than people. I used to be quite withdrawn, but more out of sociophobia than wanting to avoid or not being interested in people. I do want a social life and a girlfriend, but I also value my privacy. I don't go around being aware AS is a part of me (I'm quite new to it, and didn't come to terms with it until recently) so I actually feel it's more academic than real. I know it HAS affected my life in some ways, but in others I honestly don't see much of it's hand in my life.

I'm wonder if there are others in the same boat, who almost feel like they have one foot in each camp, and to what extent they feel 'autistic' and not. It varies from day to day, mood to mood, but I think there are those who feel they don't quite belong in either group. I still identify and enjoy talking to people with AS, as it allows me to talk at length about topics, but sometimes they tire even me constantly rambling on about the same thing.

Well, for one thing, it depends how old you are. All ASDs change as you get older.

And as for HFA vs AS, I read somewhere just yesterday that a lot of doctors call AS HFA, and will officially diagnose that and not use the term AS. And aren't they trying to phase out the term AS? But as I understand it, the distinction is speech delay. No speech delay = AS; speech delay = HFA.

I feel very much the same. I haven't been diagnosed and I never put much thought into it until my shrink told me that I most likely had AS; that was 9 months ago, and I was 26 years old. I mean, I have no way to know how other peoples' minds work, I could tell mine was different but I just thought I was awkward or who knows what.

I have an understanding at least intellectually of most social conventions, and by now I can put them into practice fairly consistently as well. But I certainly did not learn them normally; it took many years of deep analysis to grasp them, much less put them into practice.

I had extreme obsessive interests from a very young age, but those have faded substantially as I've gotten older. I have super awkward facial expressions and plentiful "stims" although they are all pretty mild and, at this point, easy to hide in public in most cases.

At any rate, I could get way deeper into it, but ultimately I've realized I can relate mentally to people with AS far better than all but a select few NTs. People on here talk about the inner workings of the mind routinely in ways that I've always felt, but never once actually discussed with someone who understood before joining here. However in terms of actual experience, I identify with NTs better because for 27 years I have been forced to integrate myself into that world and lifestyle, and that alone. I figured out at a young age how to just blend into the background of a situation and contemplate it objectively until I understood it well enough to navigate my way through it, and hence many of the social problems that people discuss on here I have difficulty relating to because I have managed to dodge them.

You have an NT personality disorder.

Other aspies also get tired of hearing the same thing over and over. I go to another forum, I2, and I kept posting Benny & Joon stuff and I got crap for it. We had another member here who kept posting about his straps and other aspies got tired of it too so you're not alone.

I have an autistic friend who keeps talking about his shoes and longalls and how he wants to be a four year old and wishes he could stay that age and how he wishes he gave himself a head injury at four to ruin something in his head so he wouldn't grow.
Then I have another autistic friend who is HFA and he talks about meat and jail.
I don't mind hearing them but if I say it's boring he stops. I have never told the prepie friend his topics are boring because I find them more interesting than meat and jail.

I view myself as mild or borderline, same thing. I seemed normal in many ways despite that kids thought I was weird or stupid or ret*d and I was picked on but it seems like other aspies had it worse than me. My mom still knew I had something wrong with me but didn't know what and she had to take classes and figure out how to teach me and raise me because normal punishments didn't always work for me. Yeah I've always had poor social skills and immature emotions and my TOM was poor. I was actually surprised to learn what kids develope with TOM at a young age and I missed all those steps. Kids start lying young as age six to spare peoples feelings but with me, I was honest. I didn't even think of feelings then. I didn't even understand why kids get mad at me or why they were yelling. I also thought kids were weird if they didn't like the same things I liked. How could someone not like books or Disney movies? How could my friend Sara not like Polly Pockets? Okay do I still sound borderline? I've gotten before "Are you sure you're borderline?" or "mild." But when I look at the overall picture, I was mild vs real aspies. Borderline aspies are still impaired and effected and meet the aspie criteria but not all the time. They are just closer to normal is all and can pass off as it.

I'm sort of in the same boat (officially diagnosed PDD-NOS). I identify with being "different" more than I identify with being "autistic". I understand social conventions to some degree and seem to be able to "read" people. I'm not blunt or inappropriate in social situations. Usually I just feel inadequate because I'm plain spoken and slow/serious. I'm not verbally clever / witty enough to be entertaining to NT's.

I seem to do the best in social situations where I can be more frank/personal or discuss intellectual topics. I also feel I have more in common with HFA than AS even though I'm on the high functioning end and never had much delay in communication skills.

I don't feel that my vocabulary and writing ability are on par with many of the people diagnosed AS here though. In fact my verbal IQ and rote memorization ability are rather low in comparison to my overall intelligence.

Yes Spokanegirl, I think it you can pass for normal you're generally borderline. I don't think many people suspected I had any kind of mental condition, just that I was shy/eccentric/even a stoner, lol.

I also see a bit of the TOM come into play come to think of it. I think for alot of kids this does improve alot later in life. Sometimes people do seem a bit incomprehensible, but seldom do their actions seem unpredictable or weird to me. I feel I generally 'get' them, although sometimes it's hard to understand people full stop. I mean I feel I know their underlying motivations for doing things, when they're being deceptive etc. Hey, I've actually been a good liar from young, just was too honest to use that skill .

As a kid I don't think I was all that aware of feelings either, I related with my peers more through interests...actually this brings back a memory of me being about 8 or 9, and playing with my best friend. I remember we were play-jousting, and all of a sudden, still playing, I really just layed into him and started punching him. I gave him a bloody nose and I don't think I even apologized. For some reason it didn't seem very real to me.

I don't have those problems now. I've always actually been sympathetic and kind-hearted, and I did feel sorry for my friend. I think I just lacked self control or something. Now I'm the opposite; I say sorry too much, and am actually afraid I'm hurting someone or their feelings even if I'm not. My feelings are rather sensitive myself.

I feel the same way. I'm also PDD-NOS and besides random moments once in a while, I feel I can relate pretty well to NTs...I can even make most of them laugh. (hopefully not at me) I think it just took time. When I was younger I was much much more socially impaired, but like everyone else I analyzed and obsessed over social situations until I got them right. I asked for advice from NTs and I found people to imitate. (I think imitation was my biggest coping mechanism)

Also, just like you, I mostly just relate to the obsessions, stims, repetitive behavior and routines now. I can go to parties (although I don't always want to) and I can get a job. I would say I'm no longer socially impaired. However, I still get crap for obsessing over things and talking about Lady Gaga too much. But for the record I was obsessed with her before she was popular. Reading people and facial expressions isn't a problem. My own facial expressions are awkward I guess. Plus I get in trouble for my focus at work sometimes. Basically I relate to pretty much everything you said and most of what all the other posters said too.

Or maybe it's just Aspies with different personalities... NTs don't have to put medical labels on it when they have different personalities - why should we?

Yeah I'm blunt but I don't even know when I do it unless it's intentional.

Like the time I told my husband he better catch the bus because he has bad feet and he said "thanks a lot."
That was probably blunt and he couldn't explain it to me because he had to go to work. So I started a thread about it here one time.

I definitely can relate, ElysianDream. It took me quite awhile to come to terms with the idea that the thing which has made me different from most of my peers all these years is, in some form, autism.

I don't particularly feel autistic when I read posts here about significant social impairments or difficulties with employment. Then again, I don't really fit in with the mainstream world, either. There's a lot more to it than that, of course. When I was a child, I had a whole broad range of "Aspie" characteristics, many of which either disappeared (the sensory issues, don't miss those) or I simply adapted well enough to fit in when I needed to.

I think I'm very lucky. As far as I know, I don't have any co-morbid conditions, and the severity of my autistic characteristics are so mild they are, at this point, fairly easy to integrate into a semi-normal appearance. The "semi" part, though, appears to generally work to my advantage. When people meet me, they almost immediately realize I am different than most, but I'm not different enough to be threatening or scary. On some level people find that quite intriguing.