sexual education and ASD

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I am a father of an autistic child, and also an educator of children in the spectrum. I wish to ask parents and people in the spectrum what worked best for them when growing up as sexual human beings. I am frequently pressed for advice from teachers and parents regarding children and teens with strong sexual urges, who displayed such needs in inappropriate ways. I have read a few books on this topic, but most of them fly over the "neuralgic" topics like how to handle a child constantly touching himself and becoming aroused. I firmly believe that they should have the right to enjoy their sexuality, and having the opinion of people in the spectrum that had to go through the same experience would be a valuable experience. Can people in the spectrum enjoy and celebrate their sexxuality?

Many thanks for your imput

JC

Absolutely!
I am not a parent, I am an Asperger's autistic and I have lived my life to almost 60 years. I learned on my own and in my own way to enjoy and celebrate my sexuality. Yes, it can be done even without intervention, but I definately don't recommend it that way.

Merle

The most difficult thing I see for my AS son in the future, when it comes to sexuality, is making sure that he understands what interactions with others are "appropriate." He is going to have to be extra careful because he can wrap up in his thoughts too far to even notice when someone else is not comfortable, and even if he does notice reading it accurately is difficult. That whole area is what really worries me.

As for the example you gave, my son was typical with respect to touching himself as a toddler, and we were able to establish the basic ground rules there same as all the other boys, so he got an early start on knowing the boundaries (ie do what you want in the privacy of your own room, but keep your hands out in public).

Im really worried about this. My 7 yr old doesnt get the concept of what is appropriate or not. He is constantly touching him self he doesnt care where we are, I ve tired to explain that he can in public and that he needs t go in his room. He also tries to grab other people.

It's a very common concern for people in the spectrum. Schools don't know how to handle that. Levels of intellectual ability make a difference. If your child is high in understanding, it may be less complicated. However, kids in the spectrum don't know what to do. They are taught what NOT to do. It's frustrating. I worked with a kid who did very well when understood the concept of private parts and private places. With kids of lower understanding, continous correction may work. Keeping them very busy always has worked for me.

jorge

My mom was surprisingly nice about my being a little nudist as a kid. She made me wear clothes when we went out, and I just outgrew it somewhere around the age of five. But we are German (immigrants to America, and I've been naturalized since). Nudity isn't as sexualized there. That was lucky for me, as I hated the feel of clothing for a good long while.

As for the teen years, I wish someone had explained to me how to tell people I don't want to date them. I had to clumsily figure it out on my own, and I think I hurt some decent boys before I managed it. Even the asexuals need to be clued in to how to handle things like this. (I think I had boys asking because I am a nerdy girl and apparently the nerdy guys didn't find me as intimidating. There was also at least one incident where a boy asked me to make another girl jealous, and I'm not sure how many of these were something along that lines, or done as outright jokes.)

Fascinating. I supposse family attitudes make a big difference in kid's comfort with sexuality. I can't help wondering what your parents may have said to you if you were a boy instead of a girl, and you were constantly touching yourself, and grabbing your penis under your pants in public. There is a child like that in my group, and he is also super-attracted to women's hair and smell. Corrections have worked just a little, and I have to keep an eye on him when he is with younger kids because I am concerned that he may try something. Any Aspies outthere that can relate to this?

Many regards

Jorge