Do girls like being treated badly?

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I go on AVEN, the asexuality forum, sometimes (because I'm asexual), and I see a lot of asexual women coming on saying "I hate sex. It feels so uncomfortable and agonizing, and when my husband/boyfriend makes me do it with him, I just get really scared." or something to that effect. Why is it that some women will put up with being raped? Why do they say they still love their partners, and don't call the police and press charges? I've noticed this in a lot of situations. Girls say they want a "bad boy", and then they wonder why they're being mistreated. Yes, it isn't always like this; I don't want you to think I'm making a reckless generalization; but it's quite common. Is it fear? Low self esteem? Or is being a jerk somehow attractive?

Probably low self esteem.

One of the most common "jerk" things to do, which keeps women coming back is the not calling her for a few days. This is guaranteed to make her want the guy more, because she gets anxious "why hasn't he called why hasn't he called" and then when he does call, she gets a rush of endorphin that he's actually deigned to contact her and pay attention to her. I don't know the full psychological explanation for it but I understand why it would happen, even though it's never personally happened to me.

Its the guys fault a lot of the time. Cause they don't care about the girl feeling comfortable. Then with all these bad situations, her self esteem will lower.

No, girls do not like being "treated like s**t". It's a common misconception.

Who says they want a bad boy? You will find less people do than you think.

The reason women keep going back to jerks is because they are addicted to them like a drug. They need their fix. The fix is bad for them but they are drawn to it even though they know this.

How do I know this?

I've been there.

On a subconscious basis, we are all attracted to a someone who would make the fittest mate. And once a time jerks were the best mate for most woman. Now in modern times, a jerks use is very limited they are still attractive to woman as a fittest mate because on a basis subconscious basis, her genes would be spread wide because there offspring will inherit their fathers polygamous behaviour which works very well on in modern times has he does not have to directly support them in order for them to survive to adulthood.

No-one would openly admit they like being treated like s**t yet based on observation, many women are prepared to put up with it. Having said that, liking being treated like s**t and putting up with being treated like s**t are not the same thing. I suspect that women in what can losely be termed as "abusive relationships' dislike being treated badly yet suffer from the general female affliction of being atttracted to men who are prepared to abuse them.

Having said this, at the end of the day, women are quite capable of making life choices despite biological urges. Any woman in an abusive relationship is so because she chose to be with her abuser. Similarly, any woman who remains in an abusive relationship has chosen to remain with her abuser. For this reason, I have little sympathy for women who end up with men who treat them like s**t.

When I was in college, it did seem some of my girlfriends were into bad boy losers...but that gets old REAL quick. Wait until these women get into their late twenties, and these men who treat them poorly aren't going to look so good anymore.

I am still friends with most of the women I went to high school and college with, and now they are all with kind decent men who are good to them.

For most women, the bad boy thing is just a phase...as they don't tend to make very good husbands or long-term mates.

As for sex, young men (as a rule) are less experienced at what a women needs to enjoy herself. Also, they are often (but not always) more selfish in bed. This is a maturity thing too. As men gain more experience and women are more confident in asking for what they like, the sex gets better and better.

My daughter is beautiful and never had a problem getting a boyfriend. She never understood women who would say..."He's to nice for me." She told me, "those kinds of girls get what they deserve".Then she said, "I'm going to find the nicest guy in the world and marry him." And you know what???? she did.

You should see my bossy girl thread in the adult section. But that's only sexual, I like bossy girls in sexual terms, not in relationship terms. I would like a girl who tells me to shut up and lick her boot. But I dont want a girl who ignores my phone calls, never texts back, cheats on me, and o forth. But I dont know why they like jerks, I see it happen at school, but I really dont care anynore cuz I cant explain so..so why bother.

Gosh, I wish it was that easy for me. I'm very handsome, but I have so much trouble getting gfs. My counselor told me that I better be glad that I'm so handsome, because if I were an ugly autistic guy, my chances of getting a girl would be worse. So that kinda cheered me up.

I'm going to assume tat you daughter is autistic. Do you think that if you had a handsome autistic son that he would get girlfriends as easy as your daughter got boyfriends?

Good for her. That's nice to hear.

My daughter is not autistic and neither is her husband. I have several friends on the spectrum and I work with autistic children. I get the best advice here.

Oh ok

Oh god! Not this debate again!

You have no idea how annoyed I get at this topic being brought up over and over and over. Then again I am a girl.

I do agree and understand that this may be a phase and/or a psychological issue with women. One thing I hope that people get: If girls see a really bad side to a guy they're gonna be too scared to bail out even though they really want to. It's called traumatic bonding...a fear of either upsetting or angering the guy who might make things even worse for you...or the fear of being alone once you've entered a relationship. Believe me when I say that I never understood this either but then I was kidding myself as I was in a situation that was somewhat similar to this but I would read this kinds of stories all the time and I also had a friend who was stuck in a bad relationship and I never understood why she was too scared to bail out. But now I think I understand these situations better.

Also, while I've never been raped before I think it's possible for one to be so traumatized from rape or relationship abuse that all logic would be thrown out the window. I was constantly blackmailed and threatened by a guy (I dunno if you would call him a bad boy as he was pretty geeky for who he was) who threatened to get out his father's gun and kill himself if I didnt stay with him. I stayed cuz yeah...I didnt want to be responsible for this psychopath killing himself. Then I just got really annoyed with it and ignored him till I finally got to college.

With all this in mind. PLEASE dont assume that all women want or like remaining in abusive relationships. Because fear does take precedence over logic if a relationship goes sour. Who's to say that anyone makes a rational decision on knowing when to end the relationship and actually does it when the time occurs? It may seem silly to you but you wouldnt know anything about unless you were mentally experiencing it for yourself or was looking back on it.

Plus these terms such as "bad boys" and "jerks" are kinda generic in origin and I'm convinced that the guys who constantly bring this kind of discussion up again and again are merely expressing their own bitterness and frustration of not feeling attractive by certain girls they are into.

yeah...I totally went there

OP, I think your opinions are based on a very skewed sample of women. The women you're referring to are asexual (a pretty small segment of women), who choose to willingly participate in sexual relationships. Obviously, they are in these relationships because they get other benefits from them (whatever those benefits may be).

They are aware that having sex is part of romantic relationships, because they willingly have sex with their partners in order to obtain the benefits of the relationship they value. Consenting to sex with your partner - even if you don't enjoy the sex, value the sex, desire the sex, etc. - is not rape. They don't call the police because they've consented to the sex.

It may be an unpleasant compromise for these ladies, but it's a compromise they're willing to make. They apparently go to the forum you mentioned in order to vent about their experiences, and get support from others who feel the same way. If these ladies do not want to have sex, they shouldn't be in romantic relationships.

As to the rest of the female population, who are sexual, the answer to your question is: No, women do not enjoy being treated like shiz. People - men and women - are often afraid to be alone. That fear can lead to the idea that any relationship is better than no relationship - and that's an idea that's just not true.

Most people in this world can find a way to feel devalued: Aspie vs NT; short vs tall; attractive vs unattractive; rich vs poor; fat vs thin; white vs non-white.....there's all kinds of criteria, and all of it is shiz. But being part of a relationship is an easy way to feel valued. You can always tell yourself that there's one person in the world who wants you (and that person chooses to want you....it's pretty heady stuff). The allure of being wanted can lead anyone to make bad choices.

I think being a mother has had a very positive effect on the relationship choices I make. In the past, before my daughter came along, I think I was willing to put up with significantly worse behavior from men. In part I think that's because I knew I was "only" risking my own happiness, and also because I was younger, less healthy, less experienced, etc. But when my daughter came along, she became the metric I use to assess any man who comes into my life: will he be a good father to my daughter? Will he treat me the way I want her husband to treat her (cause if she doesn't learn that at home, where is she going to learn it)? Will she be the little girl cowering under the covers listening to her parents go at it hammer-and-tong, or will she sleep peacefully every night knowing her parents love her, and each other? It's funny....you might make some reckless choices for yourself (because you feel devalued, because you want the feeling of acceptance and validation that a relationship delivers), but when you have to make that same decision for a little person you love more than anything, when you know her happiness depends on you making the best choice possible.....things just get a lot clearer, and the choices get a lot easier. You just don't settle for being treated like shiz. I wish every person making these choices had that level of clarity.