The reason clingy-ness/neediness is bad...?

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Now, I have 0 idea whether I'd be 'clingy' or not, let alone needy, but I've been giving the whole idea some thought. I was wondering, perhaps the reason clingy/needy people are shunned is because the other person is afraid that if things don't work out, they won't be able to get rid of the person?

I wonder how many "needy/clingy" people have turned into stalkers because of their desperation.

Imagine that you're walking down the street, minding your own business, when you see a monkey. You have things to do and don't really need a monkey in your life, but you like animals, so you smile and wave and say "Hi, Monkey!", toss the monkey a peanut and continue on your way.

Suddenly, the monkey comes running up from behind you and jumps on your back. The more you struggle to fling it off, the tighter it grips you, clutching your head, covering your eyes and mouth, so you can neither see where you're going or breathe. No matter how many times you shout "Please, Monkey, You're hurting me! Please get off me Monkey!", the monkey only holds on tighter and screeches in your ear.

This is why needy/clingy people are shunned. And being lonesome is not an excuse for sociopathic behavior.

That analogy is hilarious and great!
They are just scary because they don't give you any space. They threaten your independence.
You're an aspie, you know how it feels to be disrupted when pursuing your special interest, right? It's like that.

Speaking for myself, I like clingy women. If I love a woman, I am quite okay with her wanting me around all the time. She can not want me to go out without her all she wants. And while I'm reading or watching movies or playing games, she can be draped all over me any time she likes. I would enjoy the chance of even trying to get tired of a woman's presence before she can grow weary of mine, it's never even come close before. Maybe because I am so anti-social and have never had friends, or maybe because all my interests can be done with someone else, but the prospect doesn't bother me and if anything is appealing to me. I'm independent within my mind, and that's the only independence that I require. To each their own. *shrug*

It depends... Because me and my girlfriend are actually pretty clingy with each other and we don't seem to have any problems with it and we both love the pleasure of the feeling but obviously we don't do it too much because then it would start to feel irritating for me because then when I'm in one of those bad moods, I tend to not want to be touched.

But it can be bad because sometimes the other person might not find it comfortable, that could also be the case.

'Clingy' isn't an absolute sort of thing. It's relative.

Like with the above two posters, they desire a high amount of attention, and don't mind the space/time sharing. If their romantic interest has roughly the same desire for attention/etc, then they match, and there is no significant discrepancy. Clinginess therefore does not occur in anyone's view.
Though, if their fiance were particularly independent, with high self-esteem, and a lot of ways in which they want to spend their time, things might not go so well.

So imagine a guy or girl with particularly high self esteem, who derives some measure of comfort from their partner, but does not need that much. The rest of their time, they'd prefer to spend on other things. If they met someone with high attention demands, then there is a discrepancy, and clinginess is perceived.

For many people, the idea of being relied upon can get old, and eventually frustrating. Being relied upon represents a limitation to one's independence. Depending on how important independence is to a person, that reliance/limitation can create an enormous stress, a discomfort, a frustration. This is also compounded when one particularly values independence in themselves and others: The smothered person will lose respect for the other, because their lack of independence is so prominent. It's a weakness that gets perceived as supremely unattractive.

Then there's the perspective of responsibility. When a person emotionally relies upon you, you have become, without your own permission, responsible for their emotional state. The things you do will assuredly affect the others emotions profoundly. And if you put them in a bad mood or do not ameliorate a bad mood that has nothing to do with you, their reactions will generally impose upon your mood(often purposefully).
Now, this isn't so different from a normal relationship, you might say. True. But there is a big difference. In a healthy relationship, your actions will affect the mood of your partner by [X]. In a clingy relationship, your actions will affect the mood of your partner by [3X].
So, getting back to responsibility..... Who wants that responsibility?

...Well, though that's a rhetorical question, I guess the answer is: Those not in a position to be picky.

All that said, this dynamic shifts after having been involved with someone a long time. But within the world of young adults, it is a reliable paradigm.

People find it unattractive, they don't like desperation, i guess it feels like your partner would pretty much date anyone.

Also its suffocating. If you appreciate your own company more than the company of others like I do, its not only unattractive but it also increases anxiety, stress, lowers enjoyment and puts you on edge.

The more I hear of these phantom clingy women, the more I want one If I ever choose to submit myself to the embarrassment of eharmony or the like, I shall have to post a sign saying that minimum amount of clinginess is required... like a height line at a roller coaster.

Clinginess sounds like a good thing at least in so much as it sounds like clingy women may be more open to a date.

It is a good thing, if one is clingy, or otherwise has a high demand for attention. As long as two people have similar attention demands, or are equally desperate, things will work out more-or-less. It's only when there's a difference that there's a problem, such as a pairing of low-self-esteem + high-self-esteem.

All the NT girls I have met have probably shut me out do to even being slightly clingy. And remember, no two people are alike

Yeah, but she wouldn't just want to touch you. She'd expect you to recipricate, and put down your games/stop reading/not watch so many movies to pay attention to her. She'd want you to go shopping and stuff with her, too!

It's not just the clingyness, it's also the OBSESSIVENESS.

I wouldn't have a problem with that, but I understand most people would. I'd just limit my reading to while I'm at work or while she's asleep. But so far females have meant more to me even than my reading. Maybe my special focus has always just been something along the lines of pleasing women *shrug*. I can't say for sure where the line would be when I would stop enjoying someone controlling what I do, but I know it is a lot farther than most people seem to be. I really dislike "professional" wrestling, and I was open with my former girl about it, but when there came a chance, I didn't even think twice about taking her to a Monday Night Raw that hit our town. I may have disliked the action and the crowd, but seeing her delight is a memory I still treasure many years after. I enjoyed the shopping trips we spent together even if I'm not that fond of shopping or didn't hit the stores that I like for as long as I would have alone. So I think that I'm just an example of one of the edges of the sliding scale for what people want or can handle with attention and attentiveness. Perhaps I have a limit, but it's never even been approached, so I would not know what that limit is. I live a very full life within my own mind, I enjoy taking care of and spoiling my sweetheart, and I have never grown weary of touching or being touched by someone that I love, so it's pretty easy for me to say these things and not be concerned that it's because of a low self-esteem or anything particularly wrong. It's just who I am. So if there is one lady among the billions out there who is similar, perhaps we would make a good match, although finding each other would almost certainly be extremely unlikely.

You're sweet.
There must be a catch.

I don't have a great number of years yet, but I know what you mean.