Autism is not part of my idenity?

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I was talking to one of my brothers (one of whom we have a history of not getting along very well) on the phone yesterday. I told him about how a goofy physiatrist and a goofy therapist said I no longer am autistic or AS because I supposedly no longer exhibit the traits. My brother said that is a cause for celebration. I told him I like having AS because it allows me to "obsess" on things and such. He said it does not identify me and that I should not claim it does and some other garbage. This brother has always given me a hard time about my special interests and sensory issues and we have never gotten along. Why is it such a bad thing to like having AS? I will never outgrow it, I still slip up now and then and exhibit "aspieness". These physc people can't peek inside and know exactly how I experience things or feel about things. I'm always going to be autistic even if I manage to hide it now and then. The physiatrist therapist and my brother can all go jump in a lake. But why do non autistic people get all freaked out when they find out an "afflicted" person likes said "affliction"? My mum says I should send him some Temple Grandin quotes but I really think my brother is just an arrogant idiot and wouldn't care.

Last edited by PunkyKat on 11 Apr 2010, 2:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's the thing, no one can get inside your mind and know you. It really doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks, you are what you are, and are fortunate to have insight into that.

Because they see it as a disability. They don't really think it has strengths when it does. It can cause impairments but also give us special talents and a way to view the world differently.

I at times am overloaded by the disadvantages but I try to focus on the positives. But there will always be some people that see it just as a disability.

Your brother's probably not yet realized that some disabling conditions, including autism, are indeed fundamental to who you are. Most illness haven't got much to do with your personality; you're the same person whether or not you have diabetes, whether or not you have a broken arm... Other conditions tend to impose on your personality, changing it to something that really isn't you--the paranoid delusions of schizophrenia; the confusion of dementia; the damage caused by a brain tumor--but even in those situations, your personality colors the final effect by affecting how you react to the differences.

Any major illness will change your personality; you aren't the same just because it IS so much a major event. It is incorrect to assume that it does not change who you are. These things make you who you are. It is why many people with disabilities, who have had such different lives thanks to those disabilities, would not change them.

But there are a few things that are so basic to who you are that, without them, you wouldn't just not have had the same experiences--you simply wouldn't be the same person. Autism is one of them.

I think it could come from the attempt for people to advocate for those with mental illnesses by saying, "This is not the real person. This person with schizophrenia is a person like you; only he's got an illness that impairs his brain functioning." Only problem is... it backfires. <--Link to blog post explaining why.

Asperger's doesn't define me
Blue eyes doesn't define me
Brown hair doesn't define me
They're all part of me.

That's what your brother was saying.

Well, it could be, I guess. I mean, after all, I'm more than just "a female", more than just "an engineer", etc. I'm not just one aspect of me. But both are, to some degree, fundamental to who I am (engineering more so than having boobs and a uterus). So's autism--I'm autistic, and it's a huge fundamental part of my identity; but I'm not a walking blob of autism, either. I'm a person, and part of my being a person is my autism.

AS is a situation involving the communications between certain parts of the brain. there is no "cure", there is no "growing out of it". Someone with AS does not stop showing traits- they learn to adapt to what the NT world expects, but their traits do not go away. For instance, someone with AS might learn to look at someone sort of in the eyes here and there, or maybe their forehead, to compensate for bad eye contact. That does not mean they are "cured" or don't have AS "anymore" (or that they might have been misdiagnosed). NTs do not have to THINK about things such as eye contact, or "Gee, maybe I should feed myself today instead of reading about *insert current obsession here* for days on end"

As for your brother, he sounds like a self-involved, judgmental person. He would rather force his view of what you SHOULD be on you than to just accept you for who you are (and someone with AS IS who you are and it is PART of your identity). What I have come to accept over the years is that you don't HAVE to like your family. And just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they will like you or have your best interests at heart. I have family who treats me this way and I just prefer to not associate with them. I am polite and say/spend as little time with them as possible. Of course, that doesn't always work but at least I care less about it when things go wrong with them. Also, I would stop talking about anything personal with him, since he seems to just use it as a reason to be rude.

Hope you feel better.

Except that eye and hair color don't directly correlate to a person's brain chemistry and personality. Asperger's isn't just an isolated external trait-- it's a system of neurological processes, reactions and coping mechanisms which fundamentally influence the content of the person's character. It's not necessarily true that "I am defined by my Asperger's", but I would certainly argue that "who I am is greatly shaped by having Asperger's"-- much more than having blue eyes or brown hair.

Once autistic - always autistic. There are some diets, training techniques, etc that can mask some of the behavioral traits, but it does not change the underlying neurology. Curing autism would be like converting a SPARC motherboard into X86 motherboard. I can sometimes present as normal, but anyone in the medical, "law" enforcement, speech therapy, or other fields see right through my act almost immediately. I once met a friend's mom, and she was some type of behavioral nurse. We did quick introductions and was on our way. Later he told me his mom asked if I was autistic. I wish I could hide it (when I need to), but I'm too near the extreme side of the spectrum.

HFA doen't define me. My love for the Mid 60s defines me.

Well said.

Well my mom says I'm not Asperger's, I'm me. Even my husband has that same view.

Very well said. That's why I prefer to say I'm autistic, not I HAVE autism, as that makes it sound like it's something that's attached to me, when it's actually an intrinsic part of me and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Why people think autism is a negative I'll never understand

I refuse to allow myself to be defined by the fact that I am disabled. I have an unseen disability (not autism or AS) but I refuse to be defined by my medical conditions.

I am more than the sum total of my medical conditions, I am a man who happens to have something wrong with him rather than a case of XXX who happens to be a man.

I might happen to have AS, but many other things in my life are more defining than my AS. I would rather not list the things which define me as I would rather not lay down a line of breadcrumbs leading to my identity.

I am no more than a collection of parts.
My brain is one of those and in my opinion the most important.
My PDD-NOS is part of that brain, it is like a gravy that seeps in every nook and cranny.
I cannot have one without the other.

I think that as people we are more than just the sum of a series of parts, maybe I am putting the human race on a pedestal. I think that with very few exceptions that human’s have free will and an understanding of right / wrong. This is something, which animals do not have.

In the same way as we are sadly able to choose to do that which is banal, horrible or wrong we have the ability to choose to do that which is unique, exquisite or righteous. I think that if we allow ourselves to be defined as a bundle or autism, neurosis, etc etc then we will start to reduce ourselves to the status of a machine.

http://www.newint.org/issue233/simply.htm
http://www.thiswayoflife.org/iamnot.html
http://www.thiswayoflife.org/autismticket.html