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Other people are exhausting!
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catherineconns
Blue Jay
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Joined: Apr 29, 2010
Age: 23
Posts: 84

PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 1:08 am    Post subject: Other people are exhausting! Reply with quote

Okay, so I'm fairly decent at appearing sociable and friendly in a group setting. I typically employ a mixture of copying what other people do in terms of body language and facial expressions, and when it comes to conversations I just go along with what the other person is saying and answer in whatever way keeps them talking instead of me.

But here's the problem: I feel physically drained after being with people for a while. I get tired and cranky and I just want to lay down and go to sleep or watch some tv or something. I do a decent job of hiding it while I'm with people, but when I get home I don't let anyone talk to me and I have to kind of zone out for a while before I feel okay.

Does this happen to anyone else? And do you have any suggestions about how to avoid feeling this way?
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one-A-N
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2010
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Location: Sydney

PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes. I need lots of time alone to "recharge the batteries" after being with other people. Every day.

The only "treatment" I know of is to avoid too much mixing with other people. I spend a lot of time alone - that is when I feel calm and content. So yes, I need people - but I often need them to be somewhere else.
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monsterland
Phoenix
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Joined: Dec 31, 2009
Age: 37
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PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 3:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I need people, but going to a party for one evening can cause me to sit indoors for the next 2 days feeling perfectly content. No cabin fever, just ... a required break. Processing everything that happened.

Quote:
And do you have any suggestions about how to avoid feeling this way?


You are not gonna like them. Here's one: during the party, spend most of your time on the balcony or somewhere else that's outside.

Bring a portable gaming console, find an empty bedroom, sit there and play.

The thing is, though, when I try to do things like these, I feel like a loser. Like each social occasion is a challenge, and I evaded it.
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Sound
Phoenix
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Joined: Oct 04, 2009
Age: 32
Posts: 746
Location: Seattle

PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 10:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Catherineconns, I feel like I could have typed that post, word for word.
Yes, I relate!!

I've gotten very used to doing all of that, using those techniques you do, and I've gained a bit more 'stamina' for such activities, heck, occasionally it's not even draining, if the circumstances are right, but it's still quite tiring.
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book_noodles
Phoenix
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Joined: Feb 14, 2010
Age: 21
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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 6:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It happens to me every time I go out. My dad forced me to go with him to a super crowded and loud market and it smelled like fish and there were live swimmy fish and pushing and yelling people. My dad is a moron and needed to spend absurd amounts of time reading every package. (In spite of the fact that most of the packages were in Japanese, which he cannot read.) Confused
I was totally exhausted and pretty much in shock for two days silent
I don't see any way of avoiding the resulting crabbiness or in my case zombification. I was so exhausted after that trip.
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BeauZa
Velociraptor
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Joined: Nov 11, 2009
Age: 22
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Location: New South Wales, Australia

PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 2:18 am    Post subject: Re: Other people are exhausting! Reply with quote

catherineconns wrote:

Does this happen to anyone else? And do you have any suggestions about how to avoid feeling this way?


Well, let me just start with YESSSS!! Every Friday fortnight, my church's youth group gets together at the house of one of the families, and it's a real blast; there's lots of food and a lot of fun had with the other people there. It does start to wear me down a bit, however, and I find myself moving into the game room to play pool by myself on regular intervals. That, or sitting on the front porch by myself, as one fella mentioned earlier. Also, when I return home, I feel perfectly content with myself as I socialized this weekend and I can go the rest of the weekend hanging out at home just doing what I really like... so, really, I can tell you'd have a million other Aspies reading this thread with ear-to-ear grins. Message me if you wanna talk more on the subject. Smile

Quote:
Bring a portable gaming console, find an empty bedroom, sit there and play.


This idea is brilliant!! I do this often. If you're a gamer I suggest you do this as well.
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syzygyish
Master BizarreStar
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Age: 47
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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:59 am    Post subject: Re: Other people are exhausting! Reply with quote

catherineconns wrote:

But here's the problem: I feel physically drained after being with people for a while. I get tired and cranky and I just want to lay down and go to sleep or watch some tv or something. I do a decent job of hiding it while I'm with people, but when I get home I don't let anyone talk to me and I have to kind of zone out for a while before I feel okay.

Does this happen to anyone else? And do you have any suggestions about how to avoid feeling this way?


Sorry catherineconns, this feeling that you are feeling comes with the territory!
Everybody on WrongPlanet and is ASD feels this way.
We are all exhausted by the daily job of "Presenting ourselves'
and 'Keeping up Appearances'
and the Daily HooHa of socializing,
but, eventually, you will learn how to do it.
It took me forty years, but now it is second nature.

I can socialize, but I don't feel guilty, in any way, in taking time out for myself to recover.
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pensieve
President of Gallifrey
Phoenix


Joined: Nov 19, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 8266
Location: Sydney, Australia

PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 8:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't copy other people, I just act how I want (without offending people of course). But I find joining in on conversations and all the sensory stimuli to be exhausting.
So yeah, I need to go back home and have a bit of a rest. I can't socialise for more than a few hours. If I try another day I'm going to become moody and lethargic.
Also, when I have people visiting my home and staying for a few days I find that tiring too because I need my alone time.
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b9
whatever..
Phoenix


Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 10024
Location: australia

PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 8:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Other people are exhausting!


people are always exhausting something.
they continuously exhaust waste from both ends.
they are either farting or talking, and always the twain do meet.
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sedjat
Blue Jay
Blue Jay


Joined: Feb 21, 2010
Posts: 76
Location: Chapel Hill, NC

PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ditto. Too many people and social events are exhausting. Although, I've been trying to practice being more social, but now I worry that if I reduce the number of social events that I attend that people will stop inviting me because I may give the impression that I don't want to be social. The result being that I am having a hard time saying "no" to events even when I'm exhausted. (sigh)
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Athenacapella
Deinonychus
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Joined: Jan 17, 2010
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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

They sure are.
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Daniella
Deinonychus
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Joined: Jun 10, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 317
Location: Netherlands

PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 4:20 pm    Post subject: Re: Other people are exhausting! Reply with quote

catherineconns wrote:
Okay, so I'm fairly decent at appearing sociable and friendly in a group setting. I typically employ a mixture of copying what other people do in terms of body language and facial expressions, and when it comes to conversations I just go along with what the other person is saying and answer in whatever way keeps them talking instead of me.

But here's the problem: I feel physically drained after being with people for a while. I get tired and cranky and I just want to lay down and go to sleep or watch some tv or something. I do a decent job of hiding it while I'm with people, but when I get home I don't let anyone talk to me and I have to kind of zone out for a while before I feel okay.

Does this happen to anyone else? And do you have any suggestions about how to avoid feeling this way?


I've got the exact same. There is no cure. All you can do is take your rest and try not to be around people too much.
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Pinchy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker


Joined: Mar 09, 2010
Posts: 73

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 2:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,

I am so very glad that I have joined Wrong Planet. It is so good to know that there are many people out there who are just like me in many ways.

I too get physically drained from social get togethers. I too need to get away from people afterwards to recuperate. The recuperation duration depends on the kind of interactions I had experienced at the event. Sleep can be affected because I have a tendency to replay everything that had happened to see if I have acted like a fool or misunderstood someone's sarcasm or intention/s.

The way I avoid feeling this way is totally unhealthy! I do it by totally declining to be involved in any social get together. It was fine at first. It was great to do my own things but recently I realized that I have gone too far even for a possible Aspie. My way had totally backfired. Now, I don't even know how to get back to the game even if I want to socialize every now and then.

What ever you do, never stop socializing like I did. I totally agree with syzygyish (so hard to spell) to not feel guilty of needing a bit of time out to recover from each session.
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Avarice
Holocron
Phoenix


Joined: Oct 06, 2009
Posts: 1067

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 5:18 am    Post subject: Re: Other people are exhausting! Reply with quote

catherineconns wrote:
Okay, so I'm fairly decent at appearing sociable and friendly in a group setting. I typically employ a mixture of copying what other people do in terms of body language and facial expressions, and when it comes to conversations I just go along with what the other person is saying and answer in whatever way keeps them talking instead of me.

But here's the problem: I feel physically drained after being with people for a while. I get tired and cranky and I just want to lay down and go to sleep or watch some tv or something. I do a decent job of hiding it while I'm with people, but when I get home I don't let anyone talk to me and I have to kind of zone out for a while before I feel okay.

Does this happen to anyone else? And do you have any suggestions about how to avoid feeling this way?


Nothing works as far as I know. Best to just relax after the horror of being social. An hour of reading in solitude works for me.
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