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League_Girl
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:12 am    Post subject: Why do people assume you're guilty when you get upset? Reply with quote

I heard that when you get upset when you get falsely accused, it means you did it. I don't even understand it because it sounds so stupid. Who in the right mind likes to be falsely accused of something they didn't do? So why would they not get all hostile or defensive about it?

Someone said in the friendship board in her post that people think she is guilty when she gets upset when she gets accused of things she didn't do and she doesn't see the logic in why would you get upset if you got caught when you did it. I made a guess and said maybe people get pissed off they got caught.

Does anyone else get upset when they get falsely accused?
I don't know if this is common in aspies or if this a personality thing for me. But for me when I get upset when I get falsely accused, it does not mean I did it. In fact when I do something and someone finds out about it, I do the opposite, I don't get upset.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I once knew a girl, who presumed that I was guilty, when upset. She hasn't phoned for weeks. We don't see each other, anymore. We're no longer friends. I have all this free time, to post on WP.
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DandelionFireworks
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 1:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In fact, everyone gets upset when falsely accused. However, there's a misconception that that isn't the case. Police, for instance, will play on this misconception-- accuse you, and then say that you must be guilty when you get upset. Freud, too-- it really upsets you when I say you lust after your mother? Well, then, it must be true!

But that's playing off of a misconception, same as the eye contact thing. A liar will actually make eye contact more than someone honest.

NTs are illogical and do not perceive the world in the way that would be most advantageous to them.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 1:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I always thought that misconception was stupid, too. I get pretty upset if I'm accused of something I didn't do, especially if it's something that should be obvious to anyone who knows me well, that I would never do. I can get pretty indignant about accusations. They're usually not even remotely fact based, and then my irritated reaction automatically pins the guilt card on me? I don't get it at all.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 1:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think so. Yes someone may accuse you, and continue accusing you when you get upset, but they are just playing along to get to the truth.

Nothing is more important to a falsely accused than saying "I didn't do it" over and over and they are often upset in the process.

People that say things such as "everyone knows I couldn't do this!" or "ask so and so they know me!" or "I didn't do it, he did!" or "I have no idea what you are talking about" they are lying. The police are trained to recognize this.

More signs of lying:

Looking down and to the side when making a false statement.

Looking up at the ceiling while recalling events (stall tactic while their brains are trying to invent a plausible explanation)

Brushing the face with both hands (same as above)

Shaky legs

Hands crossed over the chest (tense body language)

Those are just a few. There's lots more. Smile
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Michael_Stuart
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 2:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dilbert wrote:

Looking up at the ceiling while recalling events (stall tactic while their brains are trying to invent a plausible explanation)


Well that's not good... I look at the ceiling all the time while recalling events.
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Fatal-Noogie
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 2:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

League_Girl wrote:
I heard that when you get upset when you get falsely accused, it means you did it.
If you did it, it means you weren't falsely accused. Wink (JK. I get your gist.)
DandelionFireworks wrote:
In fact, everyone gets upset when falsely accused.
That depends on what they're accused of. If one of my guy friends asked, "Did you sleep with my girlfriend? Mad " I would
blush and say, "No, but I'm flattered by your misplaced confidence in my powers of seduction. Very Happy "
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Fatal-Noogie
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 2:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

But I agree that the reasoning is screwy.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my friends.
I told them about the thing I use. They said it's wrong for me to use it.
When I told them the reason's I use it, they said that because I justified it,
I must know it's wrong. Shame On You

They just might be right, but their argument itself makes no sense. scratch
If explaining the reasons for doing something causes that something to be bad,
then the logical conclusion is that we must keep our reasons for doing everything
secret, to avoid having those things become bad. It also means that
things done without reason are more good than things done for a reason
even if that reason is for a good end.

Then they all simultaneously realized I was the only one without a cigarette in their mouth, so we all dropped it. Rolling Eyes
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hale_bopp
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 3:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know but its annoying... people say things like "Why are you getting so upset and defensive if its not the truth" what they don't seem to realise is when people say something false about you its often more upsetting and angering.
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bee33
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think Aspies tend to get more outraged at injustice, untruth, and being misunderstood, so our reaction when we are falsely accused might be more extreme.

I think the expectation is that when someone is falsely accused they will remain calm because they know they didn't do it, so they'll just shrug and figure it will get sorted out (not that that always happens even with NTs -- of course it's upsetting to be falsely accused of something). Whereas reacting in an extreme way is associated with extreme anxiety at having been caught and therefore makes the person look guilty. I'm sure everyone knows the phrase "I think the lady doth protest too much" (from Hamlet) , which implies that someone who gets overly upset at accusations being made against her, and loudly protests her innocence, must have something to hide.

I know that I don't interpret it that way myself, and that I get more upset at being falsely accused, which I find completely galling, than being caught for something I actually did.

I remember talking to someone and saying that when I see two people having an argument in public I always feel that the person who is angrier and louder is probably right, but I was told by my friend that it's just the opposite. It wouldn't be the case if I was the one having the argument, but apparently that's how it is with NTs.

(Also, a person who goes into histrionics can be seen as deliberately manipulating the situation to deflect attention from her guilt.)
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Creature
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get upset when falsely accused. I think people think it's a sign of feeling guilty over what you've done.
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League_Girl
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dilbert wrote:
I don't think so. Yes someone may accuse you, and continue accusing you when you get upset, but they are just playing along to get to the truth.

Nothing is more important to a falsely accused than saying "I didn't do it" over and over and they are often upset in the process.

People that say things such as "everyone knows I couldn't do this!" or "ask so and so they know me!" or "I didn't do it, he did!" or "I have no idea what you are talking about" they are lying. The police are trained to recognize this.

More signs of lying:

Looking down and to the side when making a false statement.

Looking up at the ceiling while recalling events (stall tactic while their brains are trying to invent a plausible explanation)

Brushing the face with both hands (same as above)

Shaky legs

Hands crossed over the chest (tense body language)

Those are just a few. There's lots more. Smile


I have said "I don't know what you are talking about" and wasn't lying. People have accused me of things before and I get all confused and then upset when they won't tell me what they are talking about.

So everything you said, I disagree it always means someone is lying.

Someone could be shaking because they are scared and scared they are going to get falsely accused and charged for a crime they didn't commit.

Maybe I have my own style of communication.
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League_Girl
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What I don't understand is if everyone gets upset when falsely accused, then why would they assume someone else is guilty if they get upset as well? Are they that blind? Or do we just act more extreme as bee33 said?

This makes me hate people even more and want to stay away from them.
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Kiseki
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bee33 wrote:
I think Aspies tend to get more outraged at injustice, untruth, and being misunderstood, so our reaction when we are falsely accused might be more extreme.

I think the expectation is that when someone is falsely accused they will remain calm because they know they didn't do it, so they'll just shrug and figure it will get sorted out (not that that always happens even with NTs -- of course it's upsetting to be falsely accused of something). Whereas reacting in an extreme way is associated with extreme anxiety at having been caught and therefore makes the person look guilty. I'm sure everyone knows the phrase "I think the lady doth protest too much" (from Hamlet) , which implies that someone who gets overly upset at accusations being made against her, and loudly protests her innocence, must have something to hide.

I know that I don't interpret it that way myself, and that I get more upset at being falsely accused, which I find completely galling, than being caught for something I actually did.

I remember talking to someone and saying that when I see two people having an argument in public I always feel that the person who is angrier and louder is probably right, but I was told by my friend that it's just the opposite. It wouldn't be the case if I was the one having the argument, but apparently that's how it is with NTs.

(Also, a person who goes into histrionics can be seen as deliberately manipulating the situation to deflect attention from her guilt.)


Yes, this is very true. I myself go berserk when injustice has been served. My emotions become out of control when even SIMPLE injustices occur.
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bee33
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

League_Girl wrote:

I have said "I don't know what you are talking about" and wasn't lying. People have accused me of things before and I get all confused and then upset when they won't tell me what they are talking about.
Yes! That happens to me and it's caused me some big problems. "Everybody" knows what terrible thing I did, and I have no idea what they're talking about or what it is that I'm being accused of. But the more I try to ask, the more contemptuous people become, like I'm a criminal who was caught red-handed and in spite of my crime being obvious to everyone, I insist on proclaiming my innocence.

I have been run out of an organization where I was a volunteer because of this, and also out of a group of friends, and I still don't know what I was accused of or what I supposedly did. But the more I protested the worse it got, until everyone was disgusted with me.
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