Question for females who "mirror" others
I do this but I avoid eye contact at all costs. I usually observe people and only look at them when they aren't watching me. Four years and a half years ago when I met my girlfriend I started mirror her without realizing it and she noticed that I would just verbally regurgitate things that she had said in social situations or that I adopted a lot of her behavior. She thought it was weird until she found out about my AS
I mirror people a lot. When I'm conversing with someone I tend to laugh when they laugh, smile, look sympathetic, or mimic being angry, etc. Its not really a conscious process (although from time to time I'm aware of myself doing this). In general, I just do it automatically. I've tried to focus on what the person is saying, but then I'm prone to misinterpret the context and, for example, laugh at something meant to be sad. Talk about awkward...
Maybe I do it with tone. When I had a boyfriend, I started saying things exactly the way he said them and using his vocal inflection when I talked. I didn’t do it on purpose, though, in fact it annoyed me that I did that. Other people would comment on it, including him. Or one time I was talking to a British person and I started talking in a British accent. She got angry because, I think, she thought I was making fun of her, but I wasn't doing it on purpose. Is that related?
I don't have enough control over my face to do it with expressions, even unconsciously.
conundrum
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Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns
Whoa, I do that too.
This I'm not sure about--no one's ever said anything.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
I do this. I do watch people and have for as long as I can remember - probably usually with a blank expression reflecting my lack of comprehension. If someone displays some interesting concatenation of expressions I think about them and what emotions they indicate, which I can usually figure out given a moment or two, and then add them to my repertoire. I don't have to reproduce them then and there, and it would almost certainly be both inappropriate and conspicuous to do so. I'm discriminating now in what I collect, having tried expressions when I was young that just didn't suit me. And if I get a chance to warm up ('though I'm usually very careful NOT to monologue) I can enjoy using all sorts of animated expressions, just like doing vocal impersonations - 'though I can't do anything with my voice. And I think I have diferent boxes of expressions for different people, and different classes of communication.
The problem with this sort of communication prop is that it means congruence is unlikely, even perhaps impossible. I can easily find I'm just acting, and even saying things I don't think. When I don't do the faces I've learnt, I think the default face is probably pretty blank, my responses arre more concrete and my affect is flattened.
And the obvious question is - doesn't everyone do this?
This I'm not sure about--no one's ever said anything.
Sometimes when I smile people think I am grimacing. Or I can be totally happy and they will ask me if I am depressed. I have tried practicing facial expressions in the mirror, but my face doesn't do much and then in public I usually forget to do them, anyway, because I'm focused on other things.
I do not do it on purpose, but I know I mirror people a lot. It can be a friend I spend a lot of time with, or a character on a movie I've watched several times.
I thought that everyone did this? I think human beings are easily influenced.
I've always hung out with people much older than me. This year I moved in with a couple, and the guy was only 24. I got along with him great, but his "boys" would come around.. and I'd begin dumbing myself down just to have a conversation with them. I ended up dating one of his friends for a while. It's scary, how much I changed my personality during that time. The meaningless conversations we'd have, and how I was OK with it. It was not until it ended that I realized how ridiculous the entire thing was.
I do it with other females and only recently came to understand that I do. For as long as I can remember, I've felt significant discomfort around other females, and it's been a challenge to successfully socially interact with them. I find myself mirroring them in order to keep from staring at them blankly, which would be my default.
I definitely do this. It's particularly bad with my roommates since they are the people I spend the most time around. Sometimes it is conscious; at other times it is without thought. I have been told by one roommate that I do it, but my facial expressions are crude copies. Apparently, the muscles I subconsciously believe to be used to make a particular face are not correct.
I imitate facial expressions some but what I mirror most are accents and vocal patterns. So much so, that people ask if I am making fun of them. I have to constantly guard against that, especially if someone has a thick accent.
_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Facial expressions, vocal tone, gestures and social scripts.
I mirror them all and take them away for later use.
My entire social persona (NOT my personality) is made up of bits of other people.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
My sister does this and so does her sister in law. I watched them having a conversation the other day and it was very surreal.
I think that my sister has learned to adapt better to social situations than me. She has learned how to behave by watching what other people do and interacts usually quite well with people. There are times when situations throw her and the way she deals with it is to be completely silent. In turn I have learned to adapt through learning things from her. She has explained to me how to dress to fit in. She has tried to explain how to ask people questions to keep conversations going, but I don't think I will ever master this talent.
I often don't feel comfortable in new situations. I like to observe people to see how they react to things before I know how I am meant to act myself.
It does take a lot of energy to do this. If I'm not feeling strong I don't even try (and the default face is blank). There have been occasions when I've had to apologize and go away because I was tired and unable to judge, and it all goes haywire then stops. Gotta run away and rest then.
I agree, musicboxforever. I need to know how people do things so I know how to be. Much less so with men, mostly, however. Does it make a difference to you? I find it easier to communicate with men than women, generally.
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