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No friends, less problems?? 1, 2, 3  Next  
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jc6chan
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:30 pm    Post subject: No friends, less problems?? Reply with quote

Anyone here find that there is an advantage to having no close friends? I find that you have less problems, in a way. Confused? Here's what I mean. I observe that NTs and their friends occasionally get into complicated arguments and conflicts and this is not just in a dating relationship or between married couples but it happens between friends too. Also, it is also true that not all aspies are able to get along with people who are somewhat strangers either. However, the point I'm trying to get at here is that since aspies may not know the rules of social communication really well, we are somewhat simple and "child-like" in terms of our social skills. We may not be able to make close long-lasting friendships but all we need to know are the basics of how not to tick other people off. It feels comfortable to just "go behind the scenes" and "not be involved in it".
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Wallourdes
Klaymen
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well close-friends need more attention then an friendly co-worker i guess, to keep up ties.
The said problems are in your own hands, and ofcourse those befriended.
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billybud21
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have never really had a super close friend and I don't feel in anyway like I have lost out on anything. In fact, right now, I only have coworkers, family, fellow graduate students, faculty, and the students in the course I teach that I am in contact with.

And now that I reflect on it, I am feeling pretty damn good.

-Johnathan
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happymusic
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes. My sister, who is very social, and I talk about this many times. She's always got some social drama going on where I live in social peace because there's no one around to bother me.
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pensieve
President of Gallifrey
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Totally agree. I have a few friends but I don't get caught up in all their social drama. One friend that I've never actually met yet always posts on Facebook about these people that insulted his friend and everyone gets in a big dispute about it.

I'm just a chum. A drinking buddy. Someone to have a good time with. I don't care about getting any closer than that. There is one friend that I can comfortably talk about anxiety and depression with. One other friend is bipolar so we're all pretty much understanding of each other.

I actually remember my sister had this friend and they would turn against each other every couple of weeks. And then there were these other two girls who absolutely hated each other but when they became teenagers they were best friends. I just don't get it.

There is an upside to these lack of communication skills. Ignorance about who digs who; who really hates who; who did what to who and whose not speaking to who because of some minor thing that happened that both can't get over. I'll just go play with my Doctor Who figures now.
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jc6chan
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was thinking if graduating from high school is what many aspies see as "the passage to freedom"?

You see, many aspies get bullied ever since school started in kindergarten all the way to their teenage years. But after high school, as long as you know how not to be a jerk (you don't even need to know social skills), you would generally be in peace in terms of the bullying.
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Wallourdes
Klaymen
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Joined: Jul 25, 2010
Age: 27
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Location: Netherlands

PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jc6chan wrote:
I was thinking if graduating from high school is what many aspies see as "the passage to freedom"?

You see, many aspies get bullied ever since school started in kindergarten all the way to their teenage years. But after high school, as long as you know how not to be a jerk (you don't even need to know social skills), you would generally be in peace in terms of the bullying.


Well I hear of workfloor bullying too (Milton from Office Space Razz), but since the age goes up after high school it gets mostly a different form and less frequent in nature. Hormones eh?
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wavefreak58
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The cost of no friends is loneliness.

The cost of friends is conflict.

I guess we all have to choose.
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thedaywalker
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think friends are nice. also i think its important to make sure you don't become a complete recuse cause you wont have money and die. but if it somehow works it might be nice.
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Peko
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really like having friends b/c it gives me people to attempt to connect with & vent around Rolling Eyes. But it REALLY depends on who your friends are b/c I will admit sometimes I am better off alone.
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jamesongerbil
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I have a good system. My few close friends get that I'm a bit of a recluse, so it works. You see, I tend to be able to concentrate on no more than 1 or 2 people.
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Stellar
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Joined: Mar 20, 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree; no close friends, less problems. It's hard to find good friends anyway.
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dossa
remarkably unremarkable
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jamesongerbil wrote:
I think I have a good system. My few close friends get that I'm a bit of a recluse, so it works. You see, I tend to be able to concentrate on no more than 1 or 2 people.


Agreed... I like to have people to talk to sometimes, but too many is just overwhelming. One or two is ideal, methinks. I support this system.
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jc6chan
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wallourdes wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I was thinking if graduating from high school is what many aspies see as "the passage to freedom"?

You see, many aspies get bullied ever since school started in kindergarten all the way to their teenage years. But after high school, as long as you know how not to be a jerk (you don't even need to know social skills), you would generally be in peace in terms of the bullying.


Well I hear of workfloor bullying too (Milton from Office Space Razz), but since the age goes up after high school it gets mostly a different form and less frequent in nature. Hormones eh?

Oh ya, I haven't really had a job before so I wouldn't know.
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jc6chan
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Joined: Oct 22, 2009
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Location: Waterloo, ON, Canada

PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wavefreak58 wrote:
The cost of no friends is loneliness.

The cost of friends is conflict.

I guess we all have to choose.

Its not really choosing if you have trouble making friends in the first place. Once you make friends, the conflicts may come.
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