my son is bullied on the school bus

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My son is 17 and in 11th grade at public school. I just got a call Friday to come and get him because he was afraid to ride the bus home. A 16 year old boy threw a piece of paper at him with my son's name written 10 times and at the top of the page it said "HIT LIST" and told him he would tear off his limbs. The note incident happened on the way home Thursday. The other student only rides the bus home. The bully said my son was singing, so he asked him to stop and then wrote the note because he wouldn't stop singing. My son said that the singing argument happened a different time and he was just sitting there doing nothing when the other kid gave him the note.

I didn't know anything about his problems on the bus. My son told his Dad, but they did not tell me about it. I am angry and upset that neither one of them told me about all this.

At our school there are 3 buildings; 7th-8th grade, 9th -10th grade, and 11th-12th grade. Right now it is up to the 10th grade principal to discipline this other kid. I talked to the 11th grade principal and he was taking the threat seriously. I don't know if the police have been involved yet, but if the school doesn't call them I am filing a report.

My son annoys people without knowing. He's always been that way.

Does this mean he can't live in a college dorm/apartment? I'm worried that he could end up dead in an alley because he bothered some people who thought he was an easy target.

This is all too often a part of the reality of being an Aspie teen. This happened to my son also as a junior. The school did not take it seriously and he ended up in a fight with the kid & injured. When a bully finds someone he can rattle & pick on they do & will continue to do so. So an Aspie kid is like "blood in the water in shark infested waters". If the school does not take immediate action - call the superintendent or school board. Most schools are on the anti-bullying bandwagon - make them live up to it. Your son has a disgnosed medical condition - he is the victim. In our case - we transferred our son to a "middle college" program that was available from our county schools. It has smaller class sizes & they only serve 11th & 12 grade students. But no one at his high school told us about it - I had to call the main office & push the issue & speak about bullying at a school board meeting. He is happy & making straight a's. So push the issue & explore what is open to you.

This sort-of incident makes the Lab Pet's blood boil.........And now I'll respond.

First precedent is your son and his own well-being. Please reassure him that he does NOT deserve this bullying (and that he did nothing wrong). Be sure he knows, with confidence, that this incident is the wrong doing of the bully (and not himself or his "condition" that is AS). Please be more than supportive of him too (which you are already, I know). But maybe extra right now - he needs the confidence right now.

Next, I do hope the bully's threats are taken seriously because, as you stated, he is doing damage right now and potentially, if left unchecked, he'll do more damage. No one should have to deal with a bully...except the authorities. If the school authorities are acting like jackasses (and they might), condoning the bullying or just passively allowing it to occur, then step-up and report what's happening above their authority; aka, the police. Harassment is a crime for a reason. Be sure your son is OK.

About your query: Should your son live in a college dorm (in the future)? Very good question! Although I'd not answer for you, some advice? How about not. I'm not being presumptous in my approach but instead practical. Here's why: At University your son's priority is his academics, not dealing with sharks. As an AS individual, he is prone to being hurt by others. But, maybe comprise as there are alternatives! The decision, ultimately, should be his and he might have some ideas too.

For instance, could his to-be Uni suggest a share-an-apt with other student(s) who may be similarly socially "vulnerable?" College dorms can be rough and he just may not be equipped for the wild environment - you are right to be concerned for him. One solution might be to place him a residence with more mature PhD students who tend to be quiet/studious and just more accepting. Or even in staff/faculty housing, which may be available as well. Ask your Uni disabilities services. You may get a note from his medical doctor/provider in this regard - please do not hesitate to ask.

Could he find an affordable little studio apt. of his own that's within walking distance of his University? Or, alternatively, if he's attending nearby, could he live at home with you? Do you have an aunt/uncle/grandparent that he could make arrangements to stay with during his collge years? These are smart options and worth consideration. Like ncnicksmom wrote, he is as if in shark-infested waters and that's not fair to him. He needs the same opportunites to do well as any other student and let his natural abilities shine through. It's right to fight for his chances and that means to protect him too.

Lastly, I am so sorry he's being bullied - if you like, to your discretion, please telll him that fellow Aspies do know that kind of painful hurt Now might be a good time to buy him a book, for his own perspective (and he's old enough to appreciate it now): Have you read John Elder Robison? Guess what, Mr. Robison is a Wrong Planet member! He just published his 2nd book (I've not yet read it, but I will soon), "Be Different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian." This book is highly recommended and now the time your son appreciates who and what he is.....so he's not trampled on by superficial sharks who do inhabit this world.

On a more existential level: Wouldn't it be nice if more people sang on the bus?

I was not going to post in the topic because this section is for the parents but Topics like this needs some things from the people that were those kids that got bullied
I will tell you from first hand I was in middle school around 2000-2001 I don't remember when precisly

I did get picked on alot through out my school life and with it is not only AS it is also Stuttering. I have had threats against me like taking my laptop that I used for School because I have a hard time writing fast and I rode the bus in Middle school because it was short lived because I was picked on even worst riding the bus like wetwillys and got to the point were my stuff was getting stollen on the bus. Alot of time when the school punishes the bullies they get worst each time. I was thankfully in my case I still had cusions in High School so I could hang out with them at launch time.

The sad thing is kids being bullied will eventually snap like the kid in the recently that was being bully or the kid would being the gun to school. Also alot of times those kids that were bullyed for being smart in like computers end alot of times being rich were the Bully is not doing got at making cash.

I think the future can be dealt with by planning carefully, and others have posted some suggestions. Not everyone and not everyplace is the same; my son has been relatively free of bullying due to a variety of factors that don't have much to do with who he is. We've been fortunate to discover that many family choices we've made just lucked us into good situations for him.

As for the bus ... your son doesn't need to ride it. Enjoy a few extra minutes of quiet time talking to your child as you drive him to and from school from now on. Immediate problem solved. The school has limited control over what happens on the bus; a bus is considered a courtesy to school families; and unless there is some unusual circumstance in your family (and there might be, I realize that) this is a courtesy you can skip.

If you clearly cannot take him to school, maybe there is another parent who typically drives their child to school. You could pay that parent to transport your child.

Thank you all for the sound advise. I can relate to him because I went through the same problems (and I still have similar problems). When I was in school we had to sit 3 people per seat and I would get pushed out of my seat. Then I would get in trouble for being in the aisle while the bus was moving.

Sometimes my son doesn't get along with me because we're too much alike. It will be his choice, but I hope he chooses not to live in a dorm.

His Dad said he didn't tell me because he was afraid the school would punish our son for having problems on the bus. They still might. I work 9-530, so I can give him a ride there, but not a ride home. He needs a ride home, so I'm not sure what we will do. I can't afford to buy him a car.

I'm not saying I should be parent of the year, but at least I'm doing more than my parents did. They never picked me up at school; instead they said I caused my own problems by overreacting to the bullies. It was real nice of them to blame me for something that was out of my control. That is one of the reasons I don't speak to my parents.

Actually, in our school district, if a child for some reason can't go on the bus, the school hires alternate transportation for them - not the SPED bus for disabled students, more like the limousine service people sometimes use for the airport; sometimes they pick up just one kid, sometimes two or three.

The bus may or may not be a courtesy, right? If you're being bussed to a school too far to walk to - or your child can't walk to school because of a disability, you may have a case to ask for special transportation. You have written evidence that your son has been physically threatened (keep the original, make copies.) You could also ask for an aide on the bus, which would benefit everybody.

Another alternative, if you go to work before your son goes to school, is to drop him off at school when you leave for work and ask that the school provide supervision for him outside of class time. Same goes for after school. This assumes you have a car, or can access the school via public transportation.

Our school district just lost funding for bus aides; I shudder to think what bus rides must be like with only the driver to supervise.