Tips for generalizing unwritten rules???

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Hi all - I like what I've seen on this site regarding a list of social rules, to help us memorize them...but what methods or strategies do you have for generalizing rules? I know that for NT's, who think more abstractly of unwritten rules rather than looking at each of them in concrete fashion, it's fairly simple...but not for Aspies like me and you.

I'm an adult now, but I always think of the example of the kid who is told not to leave the freezer door open for too long when he picks out a popsicle, because it consumes energy. Then that same kid leaves the lights on when leaving a room, and is reprimanded by a parent for not using "common sense" that obviously, if leaving the freezer door open consumes energy, then the proper convention should follow that you should not leave lights on if you're not "using" that room. (Been there, done that... )

I'm still running into those abstract learning situations, a handful of times at work even...and writing down mistakes and trying to connect the dots among them seems to have worked, but can't account for every possible situation in future. I think part of the solution comes down to thinking why you are being criticised for the improper action, what underlying interest is at stake from the other party, then look to see whether that interest is "threatened" by a later but dissimilar decision you are about to make...but that involves a certain amount of spontaneously being able to process the big picture, which is challenging.

If anyone could contribute advice or share their experiences/learning in this thread, that would certainly help all of us with this challenge!

I recommend reading The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. I just started reading it last night so I can't comment on how useful it has been yet, but so far it's a good read and I would think it's probably a good start for you.