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Grisha
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:35 am    Post subject: Why do people "stalk"? Reply with quote

This probably sounds really stupid, but I am really curious about why people "stalk" others.

After thinking about it, I suppose that "stalking" is following someone around and watching them, as well as inappropriately and possibly even illegally invading their privacy in some way - am I correct?

What exactly does the "stalker" gain from this activity?
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TeaEarlGreyHot
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They do it because they're delusional.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Becaue they want to feel a connection to you, find out things about you, but are too inept to interact with you to do so. They are having a one-sided relationship with you.
They don't want it to be a one-sided relationship, and that frustrates them and drives them to step over the boundaries by stalking.
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keira
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think a stalker believes that he/she is in some sort of relationship with the person he/she stalks. Stalking provides new information and stimulus that feed the delusion.
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TeaEarlGreyHot
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

keira wrote:
I think a stalker believes that he/she is in some sort of relationship with the person he/she stalks. Stalking provides new information and stimulus that feed the delusion.


That's exactly right.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 1:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the insight, I kind of think I understand it a little better now.

Personally, I react to this situation in a completely opposite way: if it's clear someone isn't interested in me, I can't get away from them fast enough...
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A lot of WP women are stalking you, Grisba, so beware.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A lot of WP women are stalking you, Grisba, so beware.


Don't I wish... Sad
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been accused of stalking before because I was unaware of some unwritten social rules. For example, if you go on a date with someone and afterwards they ask you to call them later, "later" apparently means you're supposed to wait three days for no reason at all and not call them two hours later. And if they don't answer the phone when you call them, you're not supposed to call back later the same night. And if the person still doesn't answer the phone after three days, stopping by the restaurant they work at while you're doing some errands in the city and leaving a note by the cash register asking them to call you later is outrageous enough for them to send you an angry e-mail threatening to call the police if you don't leave them alone.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh those unwritten social rules... Some people take them too seriously and are too quick to accuse others of anything. Breaking social rules definitely doesn't make you a stalker. In my post I was talking about real stalkers. Like the one I faced - he called me like 30 times in 10 minutes if I didn't pick up the phone, when I did pick up - he wouldn't talk, he followed me everywhere even into other towns, he stopped by my work 3 or more times a day, he found out where my parents lived and went to "meet" them with gifts without me even knowing, he constantly called my friends and relatives asking about me, he threatened he'd kill himself if I didn't talk to him almost constantly, he did injure himself once by smashing his car into a fence "because I said I'd never be with him" and he constantly told me that I'd be happy with him I just don't know it yet. God knows what else he did that I don't know. So trust me - you know a real stalker when you face one Sad Very frightening experience.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

People stalk because they are obsessed. Imagine constantly being obsessed and in pain. The stalker feels like she/he has no choice, you can't do anything without thinking about the stalkee. If you do not think about someone after they have rejected you, good for you, but that does not always happen for many people.

Many stalkers are just lonely, sensitive people, and so it is a big deal to them when they find someone they like and want to connect with.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was told a few times I was a stalker because the person I was interested in said they just wanted to be friends. So I would keep trying tot alk to them, ect., thinking they accually wanted to be freinds and talk, do things, ect.. But when they said they just wanted to be friends they really meant they were letting me down easy and wanted nothing to do with me.

So its my fault I thought they accually meant what they said. Silly Me.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think there is a fine line between 'stalking' and stalking.

I think it's fairly common if you like someone that you will try to be where they are and try to learn more about them. In this sense it's a need to try to learn more about them to try to relate in a way that will have them in your life - for example when you're attracted to someone you learn where they hang out so you can 'accidently' bump into them then get chatting, or just to see them to make yourself feel good when they smile back.

I think it's hard to always see the boundaries, I'll I will openly admit I've maybe been in a bit of a grey area with people - putting in too much effort to be where they are and learning about them, based on obsession. I am not a stalker, just to make this clear.

I think when someone is a stalker there is an obvious line that has been crossed, their obsession will step-up a gear so that they're always around a person, so they not only know more about a person but start to use this information in an inappropriate way. But they probably don't see it because they've gradually slipped into this over time and can't see the difference between trying to be involved in someone's life, and actually forcing themselves into that persons life. The advantage is the same as the above, trying to be in their life, only when it gets to this point they actually ARE in the persons life, they're under the delusion that this is the natural progression of their 'relationship' with that person, and that they have thus achieved their goal of being in a relationship with this person they're stalking.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Because they get obsessed with that person. It's like they must be with that person and they have poor impulse control to back off and not talk to them a lot or they keep following them around and watching what they are doing or stalking them online silently by going to websites they go to and reading what they post and following them. Even they can't take no for an answer.

There is also a mental illness out there called erotomania where a person believes someone is in love with them so they stalk them. They can't seem to get the hint or grasp that their victim is not interested in them no matter how clear they are to their stalker about it.

But then again anyone gets accused of being a stalker if they call them too much or IM them too much or contact them too much.

I always had an impression stalking meant where you don't leave someone alone after they have told you to. But people seem to throw that word out when someone keeps talking to them or contacting them in any way and they have never told them they are not into them and that they don't want to talk anymore or they just aren't interested in them. One of my online friends was accused of being s stalker because his friend stopped coming online and he started to get real worried about her. Katrina hit where she lived so he was worried she was effected by the hurricane. So he kept emailing her and calling her to get a hold of her to make sure she is okay. Then he was on a website and he saw her profile and her posts telling other ladies there she is being stalked by this guy. He even found out she got over her fetish so she blocked all her friends who were into it. He was upset about it because of her accusation she was doing on him. Years later she apologized for it and were friends again. Rolling Eyes

I have been stalked online before but that person claims he never stalked me. Uh what do you call it then when you keep IMing someone and IMing them under different screen names being all vindictive and nasty when they have blocked you and they have already told you they didn't want to be your friend and don't want to talk? Then they have told you they never want to talk to you ever again? I call that stalking. Who wouldn't call it that? People have gotten new screen names because of that crap.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some people use the word stalking to describe any behavior they find a little creepy but the actual clinical psychiatric definition is the one that I use & that's what I'm going to talk about here. Stalkers violate the stalkee's privacy(like spy on em) &/or they push for unwanted contact with the stalkee & won't take no for a answer. Stalkers do that because they are obsessed & usually delusional; they may have things like OCD or schizophrenia. They may believe that they are in a relationship when they are not or they may believe that they are protecting the stalkee from something. Some think I'm a stalker because I'm completely obsessed with a certain idol & fantasize a lot but I am NOT contracting her or spying on her because I know that would be wrong & could hurt her. I may be more than a little dysfunctional at times but I know I am not in a relationship with her & I am certainly NOT dangerous & any kind of threat to her at all so the clinical psych definitions of stalker & stalking do not apply to me
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