Where are all the men?

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Where are all the men.....who complain about their AS wives?

Do they just not care as much about our oddities as the women who marry men with AS, or do a large number of women with AS just not marry?

I'm curious about this.

my ex wrote a number of complaining threads about me on this forum.

I expect though in general the trend is caused by men not likeing to share their problems, i think they would be less likely to ask for help (as in not asking for directions lol) and to not like talking about emotions/feelings.

Men have better things to worry about.

Who cares if the wife is too quiet. As long as she's loyal and she cooks good food and she gives good sex, that's all it matters.

any aspie who is quiet, loyal, good at sex and cooking is not likly to have marraige problems. Its the ones who are difficult, grumpy and obnoxious who the spouses moan about.

Ive never heard an NT wife say 'ooh he is too quiet', normally what they say is 'he is unloving and doesnt care about my feelings and hits/shouts in rages'.

In my opinion, women's moods change so often that telling the difference between an Aspie meltdown and a normal hissy-fit is nearly impossible! Same for Aspie withdrawal versus one of those "You know what's wrong" moods.

AS is more common in men than women so I think a higher percentage of women have AS husbands than guys having AS wives. Also the gender roles in relationships tend to be different & AS women might have less problems than AS guys would

In general, men are more tolerant about their partners' quirks than the other way around (usually by far), their quirks are often seen as cute, even by the husband's male friends.

So why are you upset Chronos? This is good news for aspie women.

It's because men are more tolerant of quirks than women are, most of the time.

What Boo and Cockney said.

Women are typically more demanding of their partners, 75% of divorces are initiated by women.

I don't think tolerance has much to do with it. In my experience, men tend not to complain about their partners unless they feel completely at ease. This means either a forum specifically for that purpose where women aren't found, or a buddy that is also attached and is likely to understand what he's saying.

I don't imagine this sub-forum puts men at ease.

You know what, though? We typically make all the dentist appointments, too.

I had ex-long term partners complain about my oddities. It just wasn't on a public forum, thank God. Either my 'quirks' are exceptionally awful or the idea that men are more accepting of their partners than women is a huge, sweeping generalization. Probably a little bit of both, lol.

Did those oddities contribute in causing the break-up in any way?

Maybe up until the 1950's or so that view was common, but many women feel a lot of pressure to juggle multiple roles these days. At one time, women were forced to choose between being a 'career gal' or wife-and-mother. Now women do have more freedom, which is how I think it should be, but the downside is that society tends to send the message that if you don't manage the super-human feat of doing everything without becoming a frazzled mess, you're considered a failure.

I would just be happy to have a partner, even if they tried to kill me. And I'm gosh-darn respectful; I don't understand this 'wife = sandwiches & kitchen' nonsense.

Last edited by Simonono on 22 Jun 2011, 11:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, in one case, he was a very outgoing uber-NT and would become upset that I tended to avoid going out with him. I'm more of a laid-back homebody type and it drove him crazy. As it turns out, some guys are not happy with a girl who is cool with giving people their space and likes to cook and tend to the garden while they go out and party with their friends. I thought that as long as I didn't nag him about going out and gave him plenty of freedom, it wasn't a big deal, but apparently it was with him and he wanted us to share that sort of stuff together.