Is fantasizing about dying part of a known mental condition?
I have kind of a weird thing where I fantasize about the idea of dying. It's really not that I'm suicidal or even want to die, but sometimes when I'm laying in bed at night I act out a fantasy in my mind of being killed. One of my common fantasies is being killed by a variety of executions, the idea of being forced to die while people who truely care about me feel sorry for me makes me feel relaxed for some weird reason.
Obviously this is not something normal, but I never tell anybody about it because I'm afraid people will think I'm some sort of bad person. I'm pretty sure this isn't a trait associated with Aspergers, so are there other psycholigical conditions that cause people to get pleasure out of fantasizing about dying?
Phonic
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I don't think it's really that weird to fantasize about people missing you and such, people often fantasize about what loved ones will say at there funeral, it makes us feel loved and it erminds us that if we die we will be missed
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It's not just that, I also get this weird relaxed feeling at the idea of physically dying. Like loosing conciousness and feeling my breath leave my body forever. I think it's really weird to feel that way, especially when you're not suicidal. It's not that I actually want to die, it's just that I get a weird pleasurable sensation from acting out a dying scenario in my mind.
I don't it's quite that, I'm actually afraid to die and want to live for a long time. But when I go to sleep at night for some reason I like to fantasize about being killed and feeling myself slowly loose my conciousness and ability to breathe. Sometimes I even fantasize about what the pain feels like before death. I wouldn't say it's masochistic, I just don't know how to explain it...
I have obsessive thoughts about people killing me in the most crazed, violent, bloody ways. It's relaxing in the sense that the thoughts appear when I'm angry or frustrated, and thinking them burns off the anger/frustration.
If I'm trying to cross a busy road and I'm late for something, I'll imagine the drivers deliberately driving into me and my skull being crushed under the wheels, and my brain being smeared on the road. Or if I'm in a crowded place (I don't like crowds) I imagine all the passersby stabbing me, one-by-one, as more and more blood pours out of me. There are loads more. I'm a bit obsessed with human sacrifice and I sometimes imagine people sacrificing me.
It's a bit different to your death-fantasies, but I can see why you have yours.
I've had bad depression all my life but I'm not suicidal. I don't know what causes it. I don't think other people with depression have thoughts like that.
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If I'm trying to cross a busy road and I'm late for something, I'll imagine the drivers deliberately driving into me and my skull being crushed under the wheels, and my brain being smeared on the road. Or if I'm in a crowded place (I don't like crowds) I imagine all the passersby stabbing me, one-by-one, as more and more blood pours out of me. There are loads more. I'm a bit obsessed with human sacrifice and I sometimes imagine people sacrificing me.
It's a bit different to your death-fantasies, but I can see why you have yours.
I've had bad depression all my life but I'm not suicidal. I don't know what causes it. I don't think other people with depression have thoughts like that.
I too suffer from depression and have all my life. And when I have these fantasies they make me feel especially good when I'm going through a bad time (like now with all the crap happening with my crackhead stepfather). I can't understand how I can enjoy the idea of being killed in a ritualistic way yet I have no desire to kill myself or die, because even with all the bad stuff that happens to me I still enjoy living and hang onto the hope that some day I will gain control of my life and things will be better.
I guess as long as a fantasy like this isn't dangerous or harming people it's OK to have. Some people just have weird ways of making themselves feel better.
I'm not suicidal either and yet I fantasize about dying. But for opposite reasons. I like the sense of dying, I like the sense of that euphoric high as you are about to die. Wither away. I use to hold my breath under the pool for as long as possible just get to the sense of feeling of losing whatever power I had. I liked the idea of the body given up. But then I liked the most to be revived. To feel as if I were reborn again from dying.
I also hold my breath when I engage in these fantasies. When I play it out in my mind the moment of death I let my breath escape my body and it helps me feel good.
I also hold my breath when I engage in these fantasies. When I play it out in my mind the moment of death I let my breath escape my body and it helps me feel good.
It makes me feel good too afterwords as well.
Yeah, true! I know people who confess that they often fantasize about how grand their weddings will be. After they have married, they fantasize about how grand their funerals will be. I don't fantasize about death, but once in a while, I wonder whether I would rather die alone or surrounded by people.
OP, the easy answer is you are passively suicidal, but after reading your whole post I'm not so sure. I think all of us think from time to time about how those left behind will remember us. I often have thought of dying as a way to end the pain in my life, and this is interesting because I am agnostic, yet I've always believed that death is a release from earthly suffering-- a heaven of some sort.
Just be aware that this sort of thinking can be a precursor to feeling suicidal. It has been for me.
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Check out"Problem Child," my memoir of life with autism!
Just be aware that this sort of thinking can be a precursor to feeling suicidal. It has been for me.
*******************************************************************************************************************
Check out"Problem Child," my memoir of life with autism!
That is frightening, I think maybe I should talk to somebody who can help me, like maybe my doctor the next time I go to see him about refilling my prescription medication. I don't want to do something one day that I would regret, I have a fear of dying because of the unknown and while I know that everybody dies eventually I want to try and hold onto my life for as long as possible.
But I can understand my reasons for slowly becoming suicidal, I've had a really rough upbringing and lately I've been going through a really bad time in my life after my Mom's new husband turned out to be a liar and a drug addict who stole money from us and left us broke. I'm just hoping that if I hold on long enough my life will eventually get better and I will be able to control what goes on in my life instead of being at the mercy of people like my mother.
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