Can someone help me? I'm very depressed.

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Wondering if anyone has advice or if there's anyone I can really talk to about everything that's happened to me?

For starters, my name is Zack. I'm an aspie with severe depression. Over the past year I have felt/been abused, heartbroken, harassed, and completely screwed. It's been a really long year, all starting with a girl rejecting me in a relationship in March 2011, and it's gone downhill from there. Everything has happened at school, which makes it hard to go to school, because it feels like I have to constantly relive the hell they (people who I thought were my friends) put me through. I ride a bus with these people, and it's always depressing to see everything going along just fine with me curled up in a ball at the back of the bus.

From this ever-expanding group of people who I can't make peace with, I've been misled, bullied, abused, and most recently, sexually harassed. I'm not sure if I really can talk about all of this and get it out of my system in this forum, so I won't list everything, but I've been Googleing and I haven't been able to find any groups about depression that fit my condition.

Things I need advice on:

1) One girl I met through a relationship with one of her friends began to send messages on Facebook saying that she was wanting to take her own life. I panicked, called the national hotline (I think it was the Nineline), prayed for her, and brought the message to the counselors at my high school. She got really angry afterwards, all because I "told on her". In my defense, I think if you start to say things like that, you need to get help. I found out two weeks later that she was crying wolf over the whole thing, which really hurt me. When I tell people my age about it, they say that I overreacted. I don't think I overreacted...

2) Am I screwed relationship-wise because I'm an aspie? My social skills aren't the best, and after two past relationships that (each) lasted less than a week (the nicest thing I can say about it is that we didn't click) and resulted in full-scale high school drama warfare, I'm really afraid to start a new relationship, even if my heart is broken and I'm still trying to get it fixed. I guess I keep looking for someone who wouldn't just be my girlfriend, but my best friend as well (if not more). I know you can't hurry love, but I really want to be loved (I feel like the ugly duckling in my family, and I don't have a really good relationship with my family, so this is really important to me).

3) Recently, a gay guy has been flirting with me and touching me. He's stopped in the meantime because I keep my distance, but it still bothers me that he would continue after I asked him to stop and he said he would. I also think that he's been manipulating me to get me to like him because: he made out with a girl I had a crush on and I swear he sneered at me afterward (I told him I liked her), he claimed I liked this girl who also rides my bus and then said he did it because "he loved me", he knows that sometimes I really need someone to cuddle with and he's offered a couple times (and I can't believe I actually did it once), and despite wrecking relationships before they can start, he makes fun of me for being single. He says he's a flirt to justify some of the things he does. By the way, he doesn't know when or how to stop, he doesn't recognize others' personal limits, and he can't keep his hands to himself. I really don't want to talk to this guy anymore. I'm afraid that his friends will side with him and I'll just be disregarded as someone who is too sensitive. Has this happened to anyone else?

4) Is is possible for Aspergers to increase in intensity as you get older? I can't really explain this one, but I can feel myself becoming more socially challenged and other things.

I've been really depressed about all of this and I'm really trying to get this off my chest. I'm looking for someone to talk to, and/or someone who can be a friend/hold my hand (because I'm quickly running out of people like that who I can talk to frequently). I'm still in high school and am wondering how I'm going to make it for the next year-and-a-half (I'm in 11th grade). I'm on Skype, but I'd rather talk to you on the forum or on WrongPlanet IRC (screenname: MeesterZack) or through email (send me a private message through the forum) first because my Skype is private to me.

Can't wait to hear from you. Please help.

Zack

No one in high school is old enough for a mature romantic relationship yet. Actually most people aren't ready until their mid twenties, or even later, so don't rush things. Just look for friendships now.

Instead of fretting about having an immature level romance, occupy yourself with your studies, hobbies, exercise, and other interests to keep you from having so much time to dwell on your problems.

As for abuse, you need to report that, or it won't stop. You also need to see someone for your depression. The youth who is sexually harassing you needs to be reported. You have already told him to stop, and he hasn't, so he obviously won't stop on his own, and what he is doing is against the law.

Please take the steps I have recommended. The only way to get help is to seek it out. You can't just wish for it. Now, take care of this, and get your life on a better track.

if a girls tells she wants to commit suicide you should stand by her and not just call in the instution of society to come and save the day.... the rest i don't realy know about

Hi, Zack.

You did exactly the right thing when the girl threatened suicide. You behaved in a mature and responsible way and are to be commended for that. Those who don't see it that way are immature and foolish.

The boy who is harrassing you sexually should be reported. That kind of behaviour is unacceptable.

Do you attend church or go to any groups out with school? From what you've said here about your bad experiences at school it may be more helpful to seek support and friendships in a different, more caring context where people will treat you with respect and dignity. If you can do that and develop outside interests and friendships your self esteem and confidence will increase and you'll find school more bearable.

It may be that your Asperger's seems to be intensifying because of your depression and the negative experiences you're having at school. Can your doctor offer help or medication for the depression? Developing interests and new friendships can also make you feel more confident and secure in yourself.

How do you stand by someone who wants to hurt themselves? The reason why I took it to "the professionals" is because I thought they could handle it better than I could.

Thanks Marcia. I have talked to someone about the guy who was harassing me. I have to tell you, the social worker is starting to become exasperated. I have been in the guidance suite a lot this year and last year. It's really depressing that I keep ending up there.

I know a lot of people who are "against the real world". They're so independent, that they seem to live in their own world. I guess I'm not a normal teenager to agree with some of the stuff they believe in. But then again, that could be a good thing. And yes, I do know plenty of immature people.

I actually go to two different churches: one is a Methodist church in my neighborhood and the other is a center for spiritual development. I go to the church because my friend took me to one of the youth group activities once, and I've been going back ever since. The spiritual center is something I've been brought up with but never fully "followed". There are youth groups at both, but I only go to the one at the Methodist church. I actually do sound tech for their church band. I know a lot of the people there, but not very well because I typically stand in the back of the sanctuary with the audio board without talking much with anyone else. Some of them don't even go to my school, but another high school up the street. I'm going to talk to the youth pastor, who was diagnosed with ADHD, this evening about everything that's been bothering me.

As for the meds, I was put on depression medicine a few years ago after considering taking my own life (I've been abused a lot for the longest time; to be honest, somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm still considering). I tried Prozac, which ironically (pro meaning happy, Zack meaning me; get it?) didn't work. The thing about taking meds that scared me the most is actually being numbed to the pain of people trying to put you down. I thought that if I took Prozac, people could just walk all over me and I wouldn't know it. I think you're right about it intensifying. Having Asperger's and severe depression at the same time is very hard, and personally, I think it makes it worse.

The reason why I have a problem talking to other people about stuff like this is that it usually hurts more after I talk to them. Most of the time I keep getting "That sucks" and "Don't know what to say, dude" and "Why don't you just talk to someone else?" (which is the hardest for me to walk away from, being that it's hard for me to leave if I don't know where to go). I've never gotten any offers to make a new friend, or to join a new group of people, or to hang out with someone after school. People just see that I have a lot of emotional baggage and don't want me.

I honestly probably would have done the same thing. I don't want to be responsible for not doing anything when it could have been stopped.

I was in a situation like yours once, and am currently in the 11th grade as well.

My social skills were a mess, and I was bullied throughout middle school so much I had to go to a school for people "like me" who also had autism-it didn't work out to well.

By the time I got to the 9th grade, I was a pathetic wreck, and I couldn't barely talk to boys my own age, let alone girls.(some whom thought I was "creepy" because they failed to understand that I had autism and I had for a time seemed to lose touch with reality, or at least that's how it felt.). I felt like killing myself, but I held on because I knew that life was worth living, and that I wasn't the only one with challenges in life.

Then in the 10th grade, I began to become more open as the effects of middle school wore off. I managed to get a core group of friends, attend a club, and at one point befriended a girl whom to this day I can thank for helping me become more social.

Now I am in the 11th grade, and doing fine. I have a tight-knit group of friends once more to hang out with at lunch/class, can talk to girls freely and casually in class and in the hall if I choose to, and am an (almost) 'A' student, with only a few 'B's'.

I realized that one had to live life to the fullest, to ignore the "bullies" and those who saw me as "creepy" in the 9th grade. Overtime, I matured into a highly sociable person, who doesn't let people get on my nerves yet still enjoys school and life.

It is hard, I admit, to be autistic. But in the end I just have to be the best I can be and try to live life to the fullest.

I'm glad you got better (if that's a fair thing to say). But again, like I said, it's hard to leave when you don't know where else to go. I spend a good chunk of the school day alone, and I'm beginning to appreciate it, especially because I don't think the same way other people do. In English today, we had to share responses to a question in a group. The other people in my group gave short answers, so I wound up paraphrasing them ... and adding a few thoughts of my own.

It's not just the way I think. I don't know any other guy who would crank up the radio when a Michelle Branch song comes on. Especially if "Breathe" is playing.

I don't know if you could call my social skills a mess. Most of the time, when I'm quiet, it's because I'm surrounded by people I don't want to talk to. I hate it when people think I'm weird or say it out loud (yes, someone has called me a loner right in front of me) but the "friends" I used to have wore all black, did a lot of groping, and one even pierced his eyebrow. Call me a hypocrite.

Thank you guys so much for all of the advice you've given and the experiences you've shared! I was positive I was the only one who ever got abused. Over ten responses in what, just over two days? Wow! Getting through high school is going to be so much easier with this forum.

I have never in my life come up against something as awful as high school, although my experiences are nowhere near as bad! Wow my life looks great, I just wanted to say a few things, A) there's a chance you feel that aspergers is getting worse, I found I felt the same for a while but when I thought about it te real reason was that I was becoming much more aware of my differences to other people. I too have went through years of depression, for five years I've been involved with psychologists and I had a huge relapse in my almost deadly depression earlier this year when I was hit in the face by an unexpected advance on my sexuality- not something that I can easily accept!
Also this boy who has been abusing you needs to be sorted out, if you find it difficult to talk to someone about this you could try writing it down and then giving it to a person who you trust and you know can help you.
And above all, good luck in all of this I really hope life evens itself out for you, we all need to support each other in this world.

Better safe than sorry.



It will impair but not prevent you from meeting people and maintaining good relationships. Just something you have to work harder than most at.



If you said no and the guy won't back off, he's clearly in the wrong. More extreme measures are called for here. Stronger language to start with, perhaps. If it gets really bad there are legal remedies.



I don't think it changes really, but the people around you do. They develop socially more quickly, and they have an easier time with other things in life sometimes (eg employment). It can create a gap and marginilize you especially after you leave school ... so I'd say it's very important, especially for an aspie, to try and get a good education and work hard at being employable. You can't really afford to get distracted or slack off like others can, because coming back from it is so much harder than it is for most people.

Interesting but slightly unrelated fact: The Ugly Duckling actually was written by someone with AS describing there own life.

Hey Zach,

Sorry to hear things have been rough. Adolescence can be intimidating-peer pressure and that voice in your head saying 'I need to get a girlfriend'. I'm currently reading Temple Grandin's "The Way I see it" and she repeatedly describes what a nightmare adolescence was for her. Here's some advice I have,

1) School. Adolescent kids can be very unwise jerks sometimes. I had only a few close friends from middle school up through high school. I am autistic and really could not relate to anyone else. What helped me ignore this struggle was two big things. A) Really buckle down and focus on being successful in school. Teachers, unlike peers, are adults and they are mature. They are there to help you and do the right thing (hopefully). You can always earn their respect if you work hard enough, whereas with peers, some will just never like you the way you are and that's their problem and their problem alone. Eventually, I became so focused and proud of my work that it distracted me almost completely from the disrespectful environment created by the other youngsters around me. B) Make it a goal to find a close friend or two. If it doesn't work out, don't get down on yourself, just keep trying. For me, once I found those few close friends that were like brothers, it no longer mattered what everyone else thought of me.

2) Family. You mentioned that you're not crazy about your family. Developing a closer relationship with your family members (even if it's just one of your parents) is the most important thing someone like you could do for themselves. It is tough to have a learning disability such as aspergers or autism and a close rapport with your family will greatly help you feel a healthy sense of self worth. As an autistic growing up, nothing meant more to me than my folks who accepted me for who I was and shouldered my complaints about peers at school. Maybe see a counselor (if possible) and tell them you would like to explore ways to get your family to have a more active and positive role in your life. As a disclaimer, I'm not sure what your family is like and let's remember, we all have things that we detest about our families.

3) Effective distraction. If you have something that you love doing, that you daydream about during a class you hate at school, do it. Some kind of sport, making music, you mentioned your religious life (I'd say become more involved there, bible studies, community gatherings, whatever is there), collecting things or making art. It will help you spiritually and also help you forget about these past relationships that didn't work.

4) Depression help. I have been struggling with depression for about 3 or 4 years. It is a brutally tough thing and it is not worth your time. It is a much more serious thing than aspergers or autism, remember that. See a counselor and find ways to minimize or eliminate exposure to the things that are negatively impacting your life, emotions and spirit.

5) Other. You mentioned this gay guy who was going after you. I had a few gay guys who tried to hit on me while I was in college (I am a straight guy). These guys didn't tell me they were gay and they tried to just keep getting closer and closer to me. Then one day I found out that all along they had been waiting for me to swim into their net so to speak. You have to be honest with these people that you are not interested. If you're not comfortable addressing them directly by yourself, tell a counselor. In this case, tell on this guy who is hitting on you. It's not appropriate and it's making you uncomfortable.

Good luck with everything. I pray that good things will happen to good people like you each and every day. Remember, you are always more than good enough each and every single day and you are getting better each and every single day. God Bless.

For number 1 I don't think you were over reacting that girl appeared to that she was depressed and what you did was right. I mean if she was really going to take her life I believe that you would of saved it with your actions.

For number 2 Are there any cute aspie girls at your school who appear to have the same or similar interest. My bf and I both love to read and watch movies we also both love the movie Titanic. Hopefully you will meet a cute aspie girl or NT that can change your life. Just like Haydn my NT boyfriend.

For number 3 I was stuck in a similar situation a little while back with a girl named Taylor. She told me that she loved me and called me girlfriend it just makes me cringe to think about it. She touched me too and told Haydn that he was sexy and asked him out. She is very loud thank goodness she has stopped with me avoiding and ignoring her.

1. I dont think you overreacted so much as didnt know how to handle it. I used to be suicidal, and I know some who still are, and a lot of times they only tell people they're comfortable with. She didnt know those people from the hotline, she knew you, and she probably told you so she could get help from you, not the professionals, because she seems more comfortable with you than them. Dont get me wrong, you did what seemed right, and it was good thinking, but next time maybe try to see if you could help at all? Usually all they need is a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen and care, a helping hand

2. Try to find the best friend before she becomes the girlfriend (but be careful not to get friendzoned). And keep in mind, you can get a girl off WP since we're all mostly aspies or something similar : P

3) He's a creep, not a flirt. Report him. A guy at my school has touched/looked at off-limit places on me and my friend, and none of them had the guts to report him. So whaddya think he did? He kept touching/looking. Til I reported him, and I haven't heard one word from my friend since ^^

Best of luck