I mentioned this on tumblr and someone asked what I meant. The way I put it was this:
"I can’t explain it very well. It’s childish sometimes, and exaggerated sometimes, and sometimes just too… fluid. I guess. Like there’s a centeredness to them that I don’t have, or like they work within limits that I don’t recognize. Which sounds cooler than it is. I saw some footage of myself from a gig a couple weeks back, and I looked kind of weird and awkward next to all the “normal” people. These are the kinds of things that convince me that I’m not like other people, that I’m wired differently somehow. Or maybe I just adapted myself differently out of stubborn contrariness, I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t work the same way other people do and it’s really embarrassing."
I can't figure out how else to put it, though even that isn't quite right, so I thought I'd just copy it to here and see what folks here think. Does this sound familiar to you? Is it just "normal" clumsiness/awkwardness, or could it be a sign of something more? I don't think my movements are unusual in everyday circumstances, just when I get excited/eager (to please, usually) and/or try to dance. It's really embarrassing, though, as I mentioned, and I don't know how to "fix" it, which probably means I'll never be an actress. I just can't figure out how to move the way they do. I've tried and it just doesn't make sense to me. Um... thoughts?
27 Feb 2012, 6:41 pm
