Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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 Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 6:22 am Post subject: Good places for Asperger's men to meet women |
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Since some guys complain about too many men being on the internet and outnumbering girls, I figured I would make a list of places where women are the greater ratio in places without a requirement to be outgoing, dance or pay an entry fee, feel free to add to this list.
Parks or Dog walking - Definitely something that can lead to a mutual conversation with a female dog walker, people love talking about their animals. It's even a good way to get to know people in the area and engage in a friendly conversation, I even know people that have met and got married through this.
Charity Events - More women tend to be involved in charity events as opposed to men, there are even more girls working in charity shops so perhaps volunteering to do charity work could be good opportunity to meet the opposite sex.
Book stores, Coffee shops or Libraries - Also good places that are in a relaxed environment and you are more likely to meet an intelligent girl with ambition in a place like this, definitely a good place for someone on the spectrum.
The Beach - The beach is a very relaxed place, many women tend to go to the beach to top up their tans or read a book, some enjoy water sports so looking into taking up a water sport is a good alternative to dancing in a crowded nightclub.
Well that's my list so far, I'm hoping some other people make positive suggestions that are friendly places for people on the spectrum to meet members of the opposite sex. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14833
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 6:47 am Post subject: |
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Major college towns - you'll find loads of brainy women working on masters, sometimes several at the same time.
Cafes - if the alternative vibe strikes ya. |
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RightGalaxy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 22, 2008
Posts: 1483
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:49 am Post subject: |
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Don't just look for women, look for aspie women. NT's are only going to reject you or keep you for a bit and then kick you away penniless. Actually, an aspie woman has a better chance with an NT man than aspie men have with an NT women. The very purpose of an NT woman's life is a social one. When NT men socialize, they don't care if their women are there or not. The NT woman EXPECTS you to socialize. An NT guy will cheat on any kind of woman. NT guys find it easier to cheat on an aspie because she doesn't have a big social circle to tell her what he's doing behind her back. She's also unable to read the signs of infidelity. She'll eventually find out but an NT woman will find out a lot sooner. My NT cousin married an aspie and was ever so grateful for his fidelity and hard-work but after 8 years, she got very depressed and gained a lot of weight. She ended up having an affair with an NT guy and divorced him. Her complaint was that he always wants to stay home. He doesn't talk to people. He's embarrasing and bores people when he does talk to them. She didn't want to talk about electronics at the end of her day. She wanted to go to the bar with friends. Because of her guilt that he was indeed a GOOD man, She gave him eveything! The house, the car, the dog,
the two children every weekend, everything! She didn't take a dime!! If you decide to take a bite out of an NT woman, you are going to bite off way more than you can chew. Stay with your own type!! |
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Mindslave
Jackass of all trades
Joined: Nov 15, 2010
Age: 24
Posts: 1818
Location: Where the wild things wish they were
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:06 am Post subject: |
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A good place for Asperger's guys would be any place where the context is already spelled out. Inititating conversation out of the clear blue requires the ability to create context and common ground out of nothing, which is very difficult for anyone, especially Asperger's. So an anime convention (I know, I know) would be a good example of the sort of thing I mean. You can say "Nice costume" and then ask about it, and then ask about different characters, and then from there you could talk about whatever topics it leads to.
Randomly picking up a woman at the grocery store (bear with me) goes something like this:
Guy: I noticed you are insecure. I am too.
Girl: That's bold of you. You're cute, but what else you got?
Guy: I've got a lot of interesting things to show you, but if you don't act now, you won't see them. Plus, I know you need me, and the time is right, and I know I'm hot.
So the only thing they have in common in insecurity and a desire to cure that through intercourse. Not very fulfilling. Hating yourself never is. The easier it is to establish common ground, the easier it is to meet people. So any place that is social in nature that you can find people with similar interests is a good place. As long as you are honest with yourself about the fact that you are a complete stranger, you can talk to anyone, and the more context to draw from the better. Remember, the point isn't to get her interested in you, the point is to talk to her and learn about her. If she is talking to you, that's enough interest to go on. Every friendship starts somewhere. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14833
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:08 am Post subject: |
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| RightGalaxy wrote: | Don't just look for women, look for aspie women. NT's are only going to reject you or keep you for a bit and then kick you away penniless. Actually, an aspie woman has a better chance with an NT man than aspie men have with an NT women. The very purpose of an NT woman's life is a social one. When NT men socialize, they don't care if their women are there or not. The NT woman EXPECTS you to socialize. An NT guy will cheat on any kind of woman. NT guys find it easier to cheat on an aspie because she doesn't have a big social circle to tell her what he's doing behind her back. She's also unable to read the signs of infidelity. She'll eventually find out but an NT woman will find out a lot sooner. My NT cousin married an aspie and was ever so grateful for his fidelity and hard-work but after 8 years, she got very depressed and gained a lot of weight. She ended up having an affair with an NT guy and divorced him. Her complaint was that he always wants to stay home. He doesn't talk to people. He's embarrasing and bores people when he does talk to them. She didn't want to talk about electronics at the end of her day. She wanted to go to the bar with friends. Because of her guilt that he was indeed a GOOD man, She gave him eveything! The house, the car, the dog,
the two children every weekend, everything! She didn't take a dime!! If you decide to take a bite out of an NT woman, you are going to bite off way more than you can chew. Stay with your own type!! |
We're all different in this regard and, perhaps its my misfortune, but I feel like I often have a harder time relating to aspie women over NT women. You also have the part that I've noticed being said around here even from the women - that they don't know who their interested in, if they're even interested, and I half the time get the feeling that they could see someone who's bang-on-the-money for them but be almost wholly unaware of it where an NT seeing that would be twice as likely to dial in right away on positive similarities (as well as some aspie girls as well but...by the time you start looking at that you're looking at double/triple rarity, people 3000 miles away or more who are better off themselves finding an NT) and give you some kind of sign that she 'sees' you. Best place to meet an aspie is likely the best place to meet any introvert - in their living room; ie. many if not most either don't go out much or when they do are to be found in most of the places you'd find NT's whether its guys or girls going out to the clubs with their friends, hanging out in the same geeky places you'd find braniac NT's as well, and unless you're scouting AS support groups your odds of picking them out of a lineup are pretty slim unless they're pretty flamboyant. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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book club, knitting club (they can teach you), soup kitchen to volunteer, ballroom dance class, community college evening classes like cooking courses, yoga, zumba, meditation group, guerrilla gardening groups, etc
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Guerilla gardening groups lol |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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| RightGalaxy wrote: | Don't just look for women, look for aspie women. NT's are only going to reject you or keep you for a bit and then kick you away penniless. Actually, an aspie woman has a better chance with an NT man than aspie men have with an NT women. The very purpose of an NT woman's life is a social one. When NT men socialize, they don't care if their women are there or not. The NT woman EXPECTS you to socialize. An NT guy will cheat on any kind of woman. NT guys find it easier to cheat on an aspie because she doesn't have a big social circle to tell her what he's doing behind her back. She's also unable to read the signs of infidelity. She'll eventually find out but an NT woman will find out a lot sooner. My NT cousin married an aspie and was ever so grateful for his fidelity and hard-work but after 8 years, she got very depressed and gained a lot of weight. She ended up having an affair with an NT guy and divorced him. Her complaint was that he always wants to stay home. He doesn't talk to people. He's embarrasing and bores people when he does talk to them. She didn't want to talk about electronics at the end of her day. She wanted to go to the bar with friends. Because of her guilt that he was indeed a GOOD man, She gave him everything! The house, the car, the dog,
the two children every weekend, everything! She didn't take a dime!! If you decide to take a bite out of an NT woman, you are going to bite off way more than you can chew. Stay with your own type!! |
I think this really depends on the situation, I'm sure there are plenty of non autistic couples that face struggles such as divorce or separation. I don't think we can judge everyone that isn't on the spectrum to be dishonest or unfaithful in relationships, I'm sure that's just one case and it doesn't show diversity to not get everyone else a chance.
I'm sure there are relationships where people on the spectrum have been dishonest or unfaithful, I think it's biased to judge everyone based on the actions of one person or experience. |
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ToadOfSteel
unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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Charity Events are good if you're older. Not many young people enjoy charity-type stuff that much in my experience. However, those few that do are undeniably quality people worth knowing...
The Beach seems like it would only be good if you can pass as a Calvin Klein model... |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Guerilla gardening groups lol |
why is that funny?
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Guerilla gardening groups lol |
why is that funny? |
I'm thinking hand grenades when I see Guerilla. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1948
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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| RightGalaxy wrote: | Don't just look for women, look for aspie women. NT's are only going to reject you or keep you for a bit and then kick you away penniless. Actually, an aspie woman has a better chance with an NT man than aspie men have with an NT women. The very purpose of an NT woman's life is a social one. When NT men socialize, they don't care if their women are there or not. The NT woman EXPECTS you to socialize. An NT guy will cheat on any kind of woman. NT guys find it easier to cheat on an aspie because she doesn't have a big social circle to tell her what he's doing behind her back. She's also unable to read the signs of infidelity. She'll eventually find out but an NT woman will find out a lot sooner. My NT cousin married an aspie and was ever so grateful for his fidelity and hard-work but after 8 years, she got very depressed and gained a lot of weight. She ended up having an affair with an NT guy and divorced him. Her complaint was that he always wants to stay home. He doesn't talk to people. He's embarrasing and bores people when he does talk to them. She didn't want to talk about electronics at the end of her day. She wanted to go to the bar with friends. Because of her guilt that he was indeed a GOOD man, She gave him eveything! The house, the car, the dog,
the two children every weekend, everything! She didn't take a dime!! If you decide to take a bite out of an NT woman, you are going to bite off way more than you can chew. Stay with your own type!! |
People don't cheat because they're NT. they cheat because they're crappy people. Granted, it is harder to maintain a relationship with someone who places a high value on those things we are not so good at, but not all are like that. And limiting yourself to just aspies is setting yourself up for failure, there are so few out there that the odds of finding one you are really compatible with are slim.
I understand what you're saying. What happened to your cousin, I live in constant fear of it. But I don't think aspies are automatically compatible either. I'm not saying don't date them. By all means do, if you meet one you are attracted to. But saying to yourself "aspies only" is too limiting.
Wolfheart already said the thing I was going to say. But I'll say it again for emphasis; dog walking. It's great. They'll approach you and there's already something to talk about. Yeah, if you want it to go farther than a short conversation about how cute your dog is, then you'll have to make that happen. But it's so much easier to do that with someone who approached you, rather than with someone you approached out of nowhere. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14833
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | hyperlexian wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Guerilla gardening groups lol |
why is that funny? |
I'm thinking hand grenades when I see Guerilla. |
I had to look it up - closer to flower pots from the definition. Like Da Lench Mob though I wonder if they garden in the mist.... |
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The-Raven
Phoenix
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Joined: May 01, 2011
Posts: 762
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Guerilla gardening groups lol |
i would like to go to guerrilla gardening groups, Ive read several books on it and think it sounds really interesting and good. |
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HisDivineMajesty
Carolingian Emperor Extraordinaire
Joined: Feb 01, 2012
Posts: 1364
Location: Planet Earth
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:46 pm Post subject: |
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As for college or university, my general feeling so far is that any women there are trying too hard to appear posh and ambitious.
The same thing applies to the guys, but let's not get distracted here.
Recently, I read an article about those types, both male and female, and it applies really well to nearly all women I've observed there.
They're dressed in suits, their hair tightly kept and their faces telling of their arrogance. They walk into their first course carrying a diplomat-style suitcase.
Arrogant yet ignorant as they seem to be - this is well beyond any reasonable form of confidence - they walk into their first course expecting to be a world-famous diplomat by age 30.
When not listening to what's being said in a course, they try to tell each other things as loudly as possible.
"Did you hear? I was elected president of a student council!" is what one, who seems to have spent more time checking her hair than reading the required material, said to another while standing up in the middle of the room.
What she must have been thinking was 'now I will look ambitious and wealthy'. She came across, though, to me and anyone I'd speak to, as a pretentious middle class girl trying to be cool.
Unfortunately, they also seem very socially controlling. It's impossible to fit in there as a guy if you're not:
1. Pretending to have a posh accent that isn't posh at all;
2. Pretending to dress like you're wealthy;
3. Constantly talking about your 'career' and membership of student organisations that mostly involve binge drinking.
Hopefully, this is different in any part of a college or university not about law. However, it's awful and downright disgusting how almost everyone - no exaggeration - behaves there.
As for the other options - have been to some of those places, haven't met anyone really interesting. |
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