So I had my first meetup with the woman I met on OKC

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We had an impromptu lunch, at a lovely restaurant near where we both work. We had a nice conversation for about 45 minutes. She was really beautiful, worldly, sophisticated, and I loved every minute of it.

At the end, I said how much I had enjoyed lunch, and suggested we meet again. It was at this point she said that she was embarking on a series of first dates with people she met on OKC, because she is not sure what she it looking for. But she wants to keep in touch, whatever that means...

It is perfectly reasonable, and I completely understood her position.

And yet I'm filled completely with despair. There are two possibilities: the first, is that she was really giving me a polite "no thank you" and my chances with her are zero. The second, is that she was indeed being forthright, which means there are others I'm competing with, in which case my chances are also basically zero, because who the hell do I have a chance of competing with and really winning?

I mean, what chance do I have? She could have her pick, and in hindsight it was a miracle I even got one date with her. Just another in a string of first dates that went nowhere, and this is likely to be the same. And out of it, she'll probably find someone great, and I wind up alone.

What a rotten, rotten system, where two people's happiness is contingent on two more being rejected.

I feel utterly worthless. What chance do I have of finding anyone, really? None. Gonna die alone, a failure. I feel a great urge to kill myself. A really great urge. The only thing holding me back is fear of disappointing my parents. They all I really have. Yet, aren't I already a disappointment because I haven't achieved more than I have, because I'm not married like my sister, because I've got no one, and I live in a crummy apartment and I make films no one cares about.

I just dearly want someone I can love, and who'll love me. And yet I have to go through the unending turmoil of dating, of having to compete like it's for a job, and every time I'm beaten out by some other guy.

I really just want to die. Nothingness is better than being aware of how alone, unwanted, and unworthy I really am. What's worse, is I'm too big of a coward to actually go through with it, so I'm trapped forever...

No goddammit no! I wont' give up. I AM good for her. I've got to show her I'm the best guy, that we'd be so wonderful together. I'll make this happen!

How long should I wait before I contact her again? I want to reiterate how much I enjoyed meeting, and keep the door open for further communication. I've got to prove to her what a warm, wonderful person I am, and how good we can be together. I've got to beat those other bastards. they won't steal my chance at happiness like what has happened before so many times.

Do I send a text? Do I call? And how soon after? Tonight? Tomorrow? How do I do this right?

I would say she was being forthright about dating other people.
I'd also say that you have as much chance as anyone, if not for the "Let's keep in touch" line...as opposed to, say "I'd love to do this again!" or "When are you free next?"

That's just my opinion- she may just be weighing her options right now. But to conclude you're worthless and are going to die alone because (if!! !) this lady doesn't want to meet again is silly.

~hugs~

I would suggest that you do something else than just a dinner date. I feel like dinner dates are really over done. Been more original in taking a woman on a date will blow her mind even more than a dinner date.

Mind you I would see a problem with a female wanting to go to a field, parked up with my Jeep lay out candles, hope its not raining, roses or orchids as they reusable plants. If I can be bothered to stick some fireworks on a remote trigger.

& my trusty fondue food set, that’s romantic, some great music. Playful communication get to know each other. Then go paint balling to finish her off j/k. Some other activity, like walk on a beach or walk.

Anything that really feels like not another, dinner date. Think blow her socks off.

Did you just have lunch today? You could send her a brief text this afternoon, saying again that you really had a lovely time and you look forward to hearing from her. And then you have to wait until she texts you back. I know myself how hard it is to be patient, but you HAVE TO WAIT. And try to be positive and keep busy in the meantime. Good luck!

Here's what I propose to write her:

[Edit: This is the original]:

"I enjoyed meeting you today. You are a very charming person and I only regret we we didn't have more time. I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for, and that perhaps it will include me. I think we'd enjoy each other's company, and I'd love to see where it will all go. So let's do keep in touch, and in a few weeks maybe we can see where things are at, and consider meeting again? BR"

[Edit; This is the revised/shortened]

"I enjoyed meeting you today. You are a charming person and I hope you find what you are looking for. I think we'd hit it off given the chance. So let's do keep in touch, and see where things are at in a few weeks and go from there? How's that sound?"


Thoughts?

SO PROUD OF YOU! I knew you could do it!

You mentioned in the other thread that you've been exchanging daily text messages and photos for a while? I would continue to do that until the situation changes, or she asks/hints for you to stop (or stops replying entirely if she is very rude). This sends the message that you thought the date went well and you consider the light is still green.

I think the "worst" that can happen is that she "friend zones" you. But if you think about it, I'm sure you'll see that being friends with a smart, beautiful, popular woman has many advantages.

One other piece of advice, you can take it or leave it: If you are looking for a "soul-mate/commitment/exclusive/forever" kind of date, you might try one of the more serious, paid dating sites like eHarmony. My experience with OKCupid is that it's a very casual, fun, social-networking type of site, which may not be compatible with your personal expectations of dating in the 21st century.

I revised it for length:

""I enjoyed meeting you today. You are a charming person and I hope you find what you are looking for. I think we'd hit it off given the chance. So let's do keep in touch, and see where things are at in a few weeks and go from there? How's that sound?"

Thoughts?

What great news! Do not get down on yourself. You had a great lunch! Give that the value it deserves.

I think your text was fine, but I back up singularity... now you HAVE to wait. Try to find other things to keep your mind occupied. If she really is going on other dates and working and living life, she may take a day or two to reply. This is not a rejection, it's just life.

Stay positive, and value a great date for what it is. Congratulations!

Here's what I sent: "I really enjoyed meeting you today. You're a wonderful, charming person. Keep in touch! -BR"

Her reply, sent five minutes later, was this: "Thanks It was nice to finally meet you too. And the lunch company was most enjoyed."

I dunno how to read it. Sounds like a platonic meeting, even though she herself said it was a date.

I don't think she was impressed with me. I don't blame her.

I suspect it's hopeless.

I can't ask her out in a few days. When she explained her "series of first dates" she ended by saying, "Let's see what happens in a few weeks." So there are others out there already, because she's trying to figure out what she wants. Her's is a reasonable approach, but it drives me bonkers just thinking about all the better looking, more successful and charming guys she's probably got lined up, and how I have zero f*****g chance with this wonderful person.

I feel utterly hopeless and worthless and kind of want to hurt myself right now. I deserve it for being such a loser.

C'est la vie. It's up to her and there's nothing you can do but f**k it up. Best not, eh.

That was a good reply. You sound interested but not clingy. Very non threatening, kudos. She might or might not have other dates so keep that in mind. If she's looking for a serious relationship, she's going to take her time and if her interest in you grows than give it time to grow and try not to get over anxious.