Sex Ed

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I didn't want to hijack another thread with this, so I am starting a new one.

My son is seven, so we aren't in the middle of the hormone issues, yet. He is not the least bit interested in the subject of sex and baby making, so we have started out kind of slow. We have discussed that some body parts are private and how babies have DNA from both parents (He is a sciencey kid), and that sort of thing. I know I kind of have to get out in front of sex ed, for safety and other reasons. We intend on getting him a book about boundaries, as was recommended on another thread, when we think he is close to understanding it.

My question is how did you guys deal with the school sex ed program in school? My son should know what he needs to know way before then, but my concerns are as follows.

When (and where) I grew up there was an emphasis on -teen- abstinence but we learned prevention, too. The program our school district, where I live now, uses is outsourced to a company with a complete focus on abstinence only education with zero nuance. It is delivered in a pep rally type format, that will probably be a sensory nightmare.

I would normally never be a person to opt out of sex ed but this sounds more like a propaganda forum that NTs will see through, but an ASD kid won't. In addition, we know people who have had children "out of wedlock." My son has echolalia and he might make comments that he shouldn't, if they introduce "judgey" language.

I don't know if my son is ever going to have children, but I don't want them scaring him off sex completely. We don't have a morality issue with pre-marital sex. (I am not trying to start a debate about that--as other people have different opinions, and that is fine) It is more of a readiness/responsibility/boundary thing that we want him to learn, if that makes sense. *Boy am I going to be bad at explaining this to him, as I can't even explain it on here! )

Naturally I don't want him to make any kids before he is ready, which may very well be at 30 or never, or, well, you know what I mean. I also don't want him to be embarrassed if we opt him out. I know we have a few years to worry about this, and maybe they will change formats by then, but I was wondering how the parents of older kids handle it? I don't even know how autistic kids handle a more typical school program.

My mother never told me a thing about sex. She would pretend she didn't know the answer to any question I had about it. Eventually I figured out that I shouldn't ask her that stuff. I learned about sex from asking my friends. Our school had no sex ed at all (private Christian school).

I don't know if my kids school has sex ed or not, I never asked. I've just always answered anything they ask truthfully and like it wasn't a big deal. So, I really don't have much advice.

If you want to opt him out of the sex ed at his school, just tell them that you don't agree with the abstinance only program and also tell him thats why you opted him out of it, so he has an answer if the other kids ask why.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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My daughter is suspected to have AS and will be evaluated in a few weeks. She is almost 5 and asked how babies get into mommies tummies so I told her. I think she found the answer completely uninteresting and my guess is that she will forget. She was not in anyway traumatized to hear about why males and females have different parts and what they were for. She just said, "Oh". Then she asked about where "She" (meaning her consciousness) was before she was born. Deep kid.

For the rest (because it is so much more isn't it?) I would just tell the truth as the truth comes like, "No we don't feel any stigma is attached yadda yadda, but you should use protection so you don't get an std or get a gril knocked up, babies are forever." Thats really the best anyone can do.

If there is an abstinance only program at his school, I would opt out of it. When I went to school (this would have been in the late 80s, early 90s) my school taught abstenence only and our particular instructor went WAY out of his way to misinform students along the way. He DID include "statistics" about other forms of birth control and he lowered the effectiveness on each and every one to the point where is would seem pretty pointless to use them. And he showed us super graphic pictures of STDs and said "see this is what happens if you use birth control pills". So me, personally, opting out of that for my kids, I'll take care of it!

When both my boys turned 15 I bought condoms and said "Here, I don't care what you do with these, you can make balloon animals or fill them up with water and throw them at your friends or whatever, but I gave them to you in case you ever get lucky and if you ever do, use one cause you ain't bringing a baby home here!"

When my girls turned 15 I told them "Let me know when you need birth control and I'll take you to the doctor. I promise to get a girl doctor for that for you. If you sleep around, use condoms though. Oh, and don't tell your daddy, I don't want him going down south for 20 years cause he will kill the boy."

My oldest daughter came to me before she had sex for the first time and asked for the birth control. She had been dating the same boy since she was 13. She was 15 when I took her and got her the pill. He's the only boy she's been with, she's the only girl he's been with (you would have to know both of them to understand why I believe them. They are crazily honest about things) and they are getting married. He's lived with her since she was 15 so they are pretty much common law married now, but they want a big wedding and all, eventually, after college.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

There's nothing wrong with abstinence education. It is the only 100% effective way (Well, 99.999999999% if your Christian)

I would use this as a teaching moment. After he learns abstinence only you can teach him about birth control.

I think kids should be exposed to both sides of the coin.

LOL, we had the opposite experience this past year, so I can't help you - my experience had me rummaging the bottom of the nightstand drawer for our last, ancient, unused condom so he could see one before the teacher demonstrated its proper use on a banana (5th grade, I kid you not - but in an urban environment, you do need to get the message out before the kids have an interest.)

I'd say not to do it just based on the sensory issues and echolalia. We were fortunate in that ours was taught by teachers in a fairly clinical manner, so it didn't offer opportunities for that. I managed by setting the following ground rules: he was not allowed to ask questions or speak in class without writing them down (which was pretty much the ground rule for all the kids, anyway.) DS was actually terrified because he was aware of the social minefield, even if he couldn't navigate it. He was in a panic for the whole time, but after it was over I realized that he'd been better prepared for it than the NT kids.

We did get several books on puberty, and had discussed sex with him (he's so horrified that we had to come up with a euphemism, he'd melt down every time we said the word) by both parents for several years prior. The book I got wasn't particularly anything, there are dozens of similar titles out there - meaning here it is, but there may well be a better one: http://www.amazon.com/Just-Boys-Book-Ab ... t+for+boys

Is it just me, or does 7 seem too early to be worrying about this?

Not necessarily for sex ed itself, but to give yourself some lead time with an Aspie to prepare them for what's going to happen at school, in 4th or 5th grade. Depends on the school and where they are in age vs grade, and how the school district handles it. (Keep in mind that kids are hitting puberty at age 9, that's only a 2-year lead; progressive schools prefer kids to have the information before they need it.)

It's a subject where there are ALL KINDS of social rules and possible social gaffes to make.

Okay, well my son barely interacts with other children on any level. Can't imagine this being an issue with him for a while. I guess I will know when it is right. Just one more reason that I may opt to put him in private school or homeschool before we get to that.

Oh, and my son is 7 as well.

This is kind of a strange topic for us. We took total guardianship of my brother when he was 12, and he was in private schooling since grade 3, so we didn't have the issue of sex ed, but teaching him that ourselves. Mom never had this discussion with him and that was kinda scary because he was starting to go through puberty when she passed away.

We pretty much found a scientific book about reproduction and showed him in the most literal way we could so that there were no misconceptions as he is an extremely literal person. The other things... STD's, protection, wait until you're married or at least in-love, were more difficult to explain, but we made it through it. We just tried to stay away from using any slang terms and using the most direct approach. It was extremely awkward, but he got it.

Yeah, the scientific way is pretty much how I think I am going to approach the more clinical aspects. I am more concerned about what will go one socially. Sex Ed is kind of a continuum age-wise. Yeah, I do have to stay ahead of this because of the rigidity aspects, and to make sure he knows not to start playing doctor out of curiosity because nowadays that is a major problem. He has to know not to be tricked into showing his privates etc. by bullies, and at the same time I need him to have a healthy attitude about his body etc. It does not sound like a fine line, but he really has trouble understanding rules. If we buy a game that says "For ages 8+," I have to literally cross out the 8 and replace it with a 7 or he will not play it. He is very rigid about what is bad and good. I do not want him thinking his body and sex are bad.

My understanding on what is taught at school (by a contracted third party) is that the emphasis is so far on the side of abstinence, with scary (not necessarily accurate data) that I do have to worry that he will take it too literally, while the other kids will roll their eyes and don't take it seriously. I don't want him to be ashamed of natural urges, while yeah he needs to control them, and use reason about getting into sexual relationships.