Empathy myth

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I'm in the process of being tested for an ASD and I get see the psychologist on Friday to go over the test results. Last time I saw her, she made a comment, "You don't seem to have a lack of empathy, but too much!" I didn't know how to reply. Since being on these boards and on facebook groups, I've not seen this supposed lack of empathy, nevermind the fact that empathy itself is technically a myth. The whole idea of empathy is so complex and is constantly redefined depending on who is talking about it.

So I'm curious as to what everyone else's thoughts on empathy would be, and how does one argue against a psychologist who is convinced one needs to lack empathy to be on the spectrum? (I don't know if that's how she thinks, but it's still something I'm curious about)

I think empathy is often used to mean giving the right response to a particular situation

This is what NTs are good at - they wheel out the right response and in my opinion there often isn't any real empathy there, it's just the required response and so they are seen as empathetic

I respond as I actually feel about things, not according to some pre-determined set of rules

I therefore think a lot of what is called empathy is just a set of pre-defined acceptable responses to situations and that NTs perform these like robots whereas we are less likely to ie we think more about what the situation really means to us than them as they just want to conform to what is expected of them

I think that a lot of autists feel "too much" of everything and then can't communicate what we are feeling because it gets overwhelming and is hard to process, so people assume we don't feel it at all. We don't react to the emotions the same way, but that doesn't mean they are not there. Some of us also have trouble guessing how other people are going to feel if we would feel differently, and reading other people's emotions unless it is obvious (we can tell if a person is crying that they are sad or really happy if the situation merits it ...like a wedding or something, but we may miss if someone is slightly exasperated with us). Someone who lacks empathy can see these things, they just don't care. IMO, the whole "lacks empathy" think results from the psychologists who defined it misreading these things and making some pretty big assumptions about what's going on inside our heads judging by our atypical outward manifestations.

It's not a myth when it comes to me.
The problem is that people confuse lacking empathy with lacking care, compassion and a conscience.

Well, you can see for yourself.

My therapist basically gave me this test when I was being tested. I never learned how I scored, but I just took it and got 32, which is the high end of "low"

Supposedly, average is 42, and most people with autism score around 20.

this myth stems from the fact that there are (at least) 2 forms of empathy; the internal and functional parts, the first is what makes you feel other peoples emotions and mental states, and the second is your ability to act on it.
most autistics and aspergians have problems with functional empathy, but most people dont know the difference between the two.
this means that whenever they see someone not responding 'correctly' to a situation, they simply assume that that person has no empathy at all, and this is where the myth started.

in reality (from talking to people offline and reading these boards), most persons on the spectrum are above average on internal empathy: they 'feel' too much indeed, but they just dont know what to do with it,

"Your score: 21"
And I thought I was answering rather emphatically!

I do have to agree with izzeme, though, in that internal and functional empathy are two different types of empathy. I have some internal empathy and less-but-still-some functional empathy, but I am not particularly strong in either.

I scored 10, I don't find it surprising, a lot of people/friends tell me I have no empathy!

wow I scored 22.

Empathy is so tricky defined though... whenever i hear it i think that its referring to caring or having empathy for others...