16 May 2013, 1:58 pm
I would first like to make a little disclaimer: What I'm about to say in this post in just my personal opinion, and is not in any way designed to target, belittle, upset, hurt, or harm anyone who reads this. These are just my opinions, and while they are controversial, I just want everyone who reads this to understand that I'm not criticizing or mocking anyone, or condemning those with autism. After all, I am one of you as well. I will also be making my opinion from the traditional, heterosexual viewpoint
My thoughts on Romantic Love:
I define romantic love as the bonding of two individual of the opposite sex into an emotional, social, and potential sexual commitment to each other for an unspecified amount of time, depending on the success of the relationship.
I think the whole purpose of romantic love, in the end, is copulation, and to bring offspring into the world to prolong the human species (producing children also has the added benefit of teaching and watching your children grow, and as you grow older, more often than not, they will help financially support you). While this is not always favored by some couples, who may not want kids, I believe that more often than not, a serious romantic relationship or a marriage will usually yield children (although, and unfortunate as it is, some new couples, who aren't really in love, have kids WAY before they are mentally and financially able to support them).
Romantic love is the conduit which leads to copulation, and eventually kids. It also solidifies a prolonged emotional commitment between two individuals for a long period of time, as long as things go well.
If a couple does not wish to produce children, romantic love is the means to solidify emotional and social stability between two individuals for a long period of time, and gives those two individuals comfort and support with each other.
Romantic love is also a prime example of Social Darwinism. Those who are naturally genetically "fit" are able to engage members of the opposite sex in emotional, and potentially, romantic relationships. The reason for their "fitness" is to eventually produce offspring, if they desire to do so.
My thoughts on High Functioning Autism and Romantic Love:
This is where my opinion will get offensive to some, and I apologize if I offend. Just as there are those who are "fit" for romantic relationships, there are those who are genetically "unift" for romantic relationships.
Examples of these: People with severe Down's Syndrome, moderate to severe mental retardation, severe to moderate Autism
If left to nature, without any outside influence or help, these individuals would not be able to engage in successful romantic relationship, and produce offspring.
In honesty, I even think high functioning autism makes one "genetically unfit" for romantic love, because of the immense difficulties we have in understanding our neurotypical peers, and engaging in romantic relationships. If left strictly to nature, without outside influence or knowledge, I do not see the highly functioning autistic individual as being able to be involved in successful romantic relationships. The only contradiction to this would be if the autistic individual didn't know they were high functioning autistic, or if they learned social skills early on and learned adaptation strategies.
However, I would make the argument that SOMEHOW, beyond my comprehension, high functioning autistics are able to engage in romantic relationships. A lot of them struggle and are not in relationships, but somehow, a minority is successful in this area. There are three reasons for this, in my opinion:
1. Cultural Folkways concerning dating
In most industrialized, developed nations, like the countries in Europe, the United States, England, etc, there are cultural folkways that are followed consistently. One is that men are expected to approach women they are attracted to, and ask them out on a date. It is culturally unusual and unheard of for a woman to ask out a man on a date.
This little factoid explains, in my opinion, why autistic women are more likely to be in a relationship than an autistic male would be. Because of cultural expectations and rules, that govern social interactions. Women wait for the approach, men make the approach.
2. Adaptation to social situations
While I consider high functioning autism a form of "genetic unfitness" for romantic relationship, I can't deny that there are those rare individuals who have adapted to social circumstances, and have learned the necessary skills to be involved in romantic relationships, either through trial and error, or through using knowledge from the outside source.
3. Neurotypical sympathy/breaking cultural folkways
I primarily see this with autistic males. They have trouble conveying their romantic interest in a NT girl, and that NT girl is sympathetic towards him, and likes her, and she bridges the gap by making the first move in order to get the ball rolling in a potential friendship or romantic relationship. This is a clear violation of traditional folkways of NT people, the expectation is for men to make the first move, and for women to wait for that move.
In another example, a NT girl likes an autistic boy, and she doesn't know how to tell him, so she does, and breaks traditional folkways set by society.
Conclusion
It is my belief that although high functioning autism is a form of genetic unfitness for romantic love and genuine human emotional connection, it is POSSIBLE for an autistic individual to establish a romantic relationship with a member of the opposite sex, GIVEN THE "RIGHT" circumstances, which as I stated were: cultural folkways concerning dating, adaptation, and neurotypical sympathy/breaking cultural folkways.
It is unfortunate that the autistic individual struggles so much in these areas (romantic love, relationships, etc), but while thing are bleak, they are not entirely impossible in the terms of probability of being in a potential romantic relationship.
These are my thoughts? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Did I make your head spin like a top and you're trying to process all that information? I'd like to hear what you have to say. 
16 May 2013, 2:29 pm
16 May 2013, 2:35 pm
Not all autistic relationships are AS/NT. You forgot to factor people like me who are in AS/AS relationships or AS/other disability relationships. Autism spectrum people do find love amongst each other quite often
16 May 2013, 2:53 pm
The overwhelming preponderance of male aspies though makes that impossible for many.
16 May 2013, 4:30 pm
16 May 2013, 4:43 pm
My thoughts on Romantic Love:
I define romantic love as the bonding of two individual of the opposite sex into an emotional, social, and potential sexual commitment to each other for an unspecified amount of time, depending on the success of the relationship.
I think the whole purpose of romantic love, in the end, is copulation, and to bring offspring into the world to prolong the human species (producing children also has the added benefit of teaching and watching your children grow, and as you grow older, more often than not, they will help financially support you). While this is not always favored by some couples, who may not want kids, I believe that more often than not, a serious romantic relationship or a marriage will usually yield children (although, and unfortunate as it is, some new couples, who aren't really in love, have kids WAY before they are mentally and financially able to support them).
Romantic love is the conduit which leads to copulation, and eventually kids. It also solidifies a prolonged emotional commitment between two individuals for a long period of time, as long as things go well.
If a couple does not wish to produce children, romantic love is the means to solidify emotional and social stability between two individuals for a long period of time, and gives those two individuals comfort and support with each other.
Romantic love is also a prime example of Social Darwinism. Those who are naturally genetically "fit" are able to engage members of the opposite sex in emotional, and potentially, romantic relationships. The reason for their "fitness" is to eventually produce offspring, if they desire to do so.
My thoughts on High Functioning Autism and Romantic Love:
This is where my opinion will get offensive to some, and I apologize if I offend. Just as there are those who are "fit" for romantic relationships, there are those who are genetically "unift" for romantic relationships.
Examples of these: People with severe Down's Syndrome, moderate to severe mental retardation, severe to moderate Autism
If left to nature, without any outside influence or help, these individuals would not be able to engage in successful romantic relationship, and produce offspring.
In honesty, I even think high functioning autism makes one "genetically unfit" for romantic love, because of the immense difficulties we have in understanding our neurotypical peers, and engaging in romantic relationships. If left strictly to nature, without outside influence or knowledge, I do not see the highly functioning autistic individual as being able to be involved in successful romantic relationships. The only contradiction to this would be if the autistic individual didn't know they were high functioning autistic, or if they learned social skills early on and learned adaptation strategies.
However, I would make the argument that SOMEHOW, beyond my comprehension, high functioning autistics are able to engage in romantic relationships. A lot of them struggle and are not in relationships, but somehow, a minority is successful in this area. There are three reasons for this, in my opinion:
1. Cultural Folkways concerning dating
In most industrialized, developed nations, like the countries in Europe, the United States, England, etc, there are cultural folkways that are followed consistently. One is that men are expected to approach women they are attracted to, and ask them out on a date. It is culturally unusual and unheard of for a woman to ask out a man on a date.
This little factoid explains, in my opinion, why autistic women are more likely to be in a relationship than an autistic male would be. Because of cultural expectations and rules, that govern social interactions. Women wait for the approach, men make the approach.
2. Adaptation to social situations
While I consider high functioning autism a form of "genetic unfitness" for romantic relationship, I can't deny that there are those rare individuals who have adapted to social circumstances, and have learned the necessary skills to be involved in romantic relationships, either through trial and error, or through using knowledge from the outside source.
3. Neurotypical sympathy/breaking cultural folkways
I primarily see this with autistic males. They have trouble conveying their romantic interest in a NT girl, and that NT girl is sympathetic towards him, and likes her, and she bridges the gap by making the first move in order to get the ball rolling in a potential friendship or romantic relationship. This is a clear violation of traditional folkways of NT people, the expectation is for men to make the first move, and for women to wait for that move.
In another example, a NT girl likes an autistic boy, and she doesn't know how to tell him, so she does, and breaks traditional folkways set by society.
Conclusion
It is my belief that although high functioning autism is a form of genetic unfitness for romantic love and genuine human emotional connection, it is POSSIBLE for an autistic individual to establish a romantic relationship with a member of the opposite sex, GIVEN THE "RIGHT" circumstances, which as I stated were: cultural folkways concerning dating, adaptation, and neurotypical sympathy/breaking cultural folkways.
It is unfortunate that the autistic individual struggles so much in these areas (romantic love, relationships, etc), but while thing are bleak, they are not entirely impossible in the terms of probability of being in a potential romantic relationship.
These are my thoughts? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Did I make your head spin like a top and you're trying to process all that information? I'd like to hear what you have to say.
But people are on higher evolutional level than animals.Disability doesn`t mean that someone should not have a relationship.We are civilized people ,and everyone has the right to realise what he/she wants in life.But your statements,are,unfortunately,true in most cases.
16 May 2013, 5:22 pm
Let me first of all say congratulations on your AS/AS or AS/other disability relationship
.
You are correct when you said I forgot about people like you. But the reason why I did that, krazykat, is because realistically, although there is a slight to moderate probability of an AS/AS or AS/OD relationship, I would make the argument that we, the autistic, are a minority among the majority, who are neurotypical.
And as such, the likelihood of finding another compatible AS or OD partner is slim in my estimation. I probably figure that you met your AS other half through alternative means then the stereotypical meet someone, ask them on a date, and start a relationship if all goes well.
I'm merely guessing, but you probably met her via an Autism support group, online via chatrooms, or specifically were look for someone with AS to date.
Remember, the autism rate now is either 1 in 66 children are born with autism, or 1 in 88 children are born with autism. We are still a minority when it comes to neurodiversity.
16 May 2013, 5:42 pm
I agree with you. My point, when discussing "fitness", is explaining the ability of one to be social enough, and to have enough knowledge, to be able to engage the opposite sex in such a way that the probability of being in a relationship down the road is higher.
When I use the term "unfit" I am referencing that the individual isn't naturally able to engage in the social dialouge, flirting, and other steps to engage the opposite sex in such a way that they can possibly be in a romantic relationship.
A good example of "unfitness" to "fitness" through the use of adaptation would be like this:
You have a kid in high school who is scrawny, nonathletic, and is picked on often by kids because he is weaker, and is interested in things they aren't interested in. He gets beat up occasionally by bullies. One day, he gets tired of it, and decides "I'm going to be strong". He starts lifting weights regularly, and takes a boxing class and learns everything about boxing.
A couple months down the road, he is stronger, and knows how to defend himself. Bullies try to pick on him, and he beats they up for a change. People don't mess with him anymore.
He was "unfit", and now he is "fit" through "adaptation" to increase his chances of survival.
But I agree with you in this sense- everyone who is capable of full cognition, and the ability to rationalize, should be able to be in a relationship. The only problems I see are with the severe to moderately mentally ret*d, severe Down's Syndrome, and severe to moderately autistic, because these individuals usually need the assistance of someone else, and can not function independently.
It would beg the question whether they would be competent enough to handle the ramifications of having children through copulation, if they were allowed that luxury.
16 May 2013, 6:26 pm
16 May 2013, 8:28 pm
16 May 2013, 8:43 pm
16 May 2013, 8:51 pm
I can understand your viewpoints from a heterosexual standpoint but unfortunately I do not understand why you feel it's necessary to limit yourself to that viewpoint alone. In the coming decades, centuries, should we not wipe ourselves out who can or can't procreate will mean nothing outside of the fringe group of tribal extremists.
We can already clone, artificially inseminate, artificially create. Our evolution is getting to the point where it is no longer defined by our body development but our technology and science. It's happening right now. Procreation will no longer determine a lot of things about relationships for heterosexuals let alone any other sexuality or genders.
Perhaps I'm thinking too far forward here, but I prefer not to limit my thinking to confined spaces. Heterosexual relationships for the time being might have the soul purpose of pro creation but I myself don't care about passing on a torch or legacy and I feel many others are the same, gay and straight. Anyways, I digress....
------------------------------------------
Romance - an act. Can be done in/out of but is not synonymous with love, passion, relationships.
Myself - 2013 
EDIT: I noticed I hadn't touched on any of your thoughts about Autism. Expect that tomorrow! It's like, 3AM! Cheerio.
16 May 2013, 9:36 pm
17 May 2013, 11:36 am
The overwhelming preponderance of male aspies though makes that impossible for many.
YAARGBARGLES! I have that whole "autistic males outnumber autistic females" lie/myth. There are just as many autistic women as men. The only reason why we appear to be outnumbered by men is because all the "experts" can't tell the difference between female Asperger's/autism symptoms, their own butts and a hole in the ground! Most of the autistic women like myself are not diagnosed until our 20s and 30s and have to like a lifetime of suffering until we find out there are other people like us out there
My boyfriend was actually one of the only single possibly AS guys in our meetup group full of recently or self-diagnosed aspie women!
Also, he is NVLD with possible Asperger's but the "experts" don't agree on what he has and his diagnosis changes practically every time he changes doctors
I put AS/other disability because if you take into account all the women with NVLD, ADHD, OCD, and other similar neurological differences. It actually levels the playing field somewhat
19 May 2013, 10:32 pm
19 May 2013, 10:36 pm
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