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i am completely dependent on my parents
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recluse
Emu Egg
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 7:19 am    Post subject: i am completely dependent on my parents Reply with quote

i have asperger's, like most people here. i'm in my mid-twenties and live in europe. i'm still completely dependent on my parents. i am almost literally a dependent child. i have "my own" (part of a housing association) flat now, but for practical purposes i am still dependent on them. i cannot cook, though i do use the microwave. i am socially non-existent and in fact tend to be more of a danger or embarassment to myself than anything else. i have never really done anything on my own. the furthest i've ever been by myself is an hour-long bus drive (containing two buses). i have had a drinking problem for a long time, but i'm currently off the drink. i don't really have any hobbies any more.

i'm extremely overweight and have little energy or motivation. i do go for walks but that's about all i do. i am on government security (which my parents set up) but i just live life driftlessly, aimlessly. everything is done for me. my parents enable my behavior. i've just now started doing the simplest chores in my new abode. i'm depressed and have stopped interacting with people, and can't deal with them - not even the slightest social interaction. i don't shop for myself because i don't have the skills to discern what is good and what is not. i feel as though most people have all this come naturally to them. i am so far behind that i feel infantilized. i have had friends but lose them because i'm so unbelievably selfish and self-entitled. i literally do not see other people's points of view. sometimes, i can be in a room and not recognise what is staring everyone else in the face.

i have everything given to me, yet i do not really recognise this as such. i fear success and i fear change. i constantly criticise other people but, really, their faults are nothing compared to mine. i am one of the biggest losers i know (apart from one of the other residents). i feel that i deserve better, but my minimal potential is wasted.

i don't want to be like this anymore.
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gardengirl
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 9:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Then change it! Start right now! Do one small thing and build your confidence. If you can so eloquently articulate all this, then you can learn and you can be personally successful. I was a lost cause and hopeless. God helped me to learn simple ways to help myself and improve. Read and follow directions.

NOBODY but YOU can do this. And you CAN do this. Get up right now and begin!!!!! One syccess feeds on another. Go boil some eggs. Smile
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Rabbers
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 9:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can you chat to your parents about how you feel (or write something down) and tell them that while you appreciate what they do for you you want them to support you in moving towards doing more things for yourself.
Work out what the barriers would be to you cooking a meal for e.g. and find solutions together. Maybe you could search the internet for an easy, healthy recipe, then make a list and shop for the ingredients. Then follow the instructions and make the meal. Your parents could help you as much as you needed at first then gradually step back until you're doing as much as you can or all of it by yourself.
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gardengirl
Tufted Titmouse
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 9:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And they (your parents) can be very helpful during the above process. It can become a fun, proactive time for the whole family. Be sure to articulate to your mom that she will always be valued and appreciated. She is afraid she will loose you to your indepence. Show her how she can be a more positive part of your independence.
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recluse
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 10:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

gardengirl wrote:
Go boil some eggs. Smile


i've never done that before and been successful at it. have tried though. i forget how long they should be on for. i know that it's boiling plus 3 minutes, but i should probably look up how long it takes to boil them.

today, i hoovered for the very first time in my life. i've always been terrified of it. i used to run away from it whenever it was on as a child - flee to my room. today was the first time i didn't flee. it was painful, but i managed it (with the help of my carer).

i am literally having to learn things that children have to learn. today, i am trying my very hardest to learn how to tie a shoelace. i tried so hard as a child, but never got the hang of it.

i'm not taking the urine here. fundamentally, i am having to start from scratch. it's tremendously difficult, but i hope to make a difference.

gardengirl wrote:
And they (your parents) can be very helpful during the above process.


they are very overprotective. when it's raining and i walk the 1.5km to my flat, they always offer to take me, even if i do it myself (i often choose to do it because of my desire to get some exercise).

Quote:
Can you chat to your parents about how you feel (or write something down) and tell them that while you appreciate what they do for you you want them to support you in moving towards doing more things for yourself.


this is part of the plan. we know about this, but actually cooking a proper meal is some way off yet. i am on pre-prepared ready meals (either shop-bought or not) and i go down to my parents' place for meals each day.
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OliveOilMom
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can teach you how to cook, how to clean and explain how to do a budget to you, if you want.
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