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starvingartist
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22 May 2014, 3:35 pm

as some of you may have noticed, i've been taking a bit of a break from posting on wrongplanet the last few days. there is good reason for that, and i'd like to share it now....

the treatment of women on this site is atrocious. i can't count the number of times i have seen statements about women (i.e. "women are x" or "all women do y") go unchallenged, that would never be left up if the same statement were made about any other group of humans (i.e. "black people are x" or "all jews do y"). and i also can't count the number of times i have seen such statements challenged--often in a very reasonable and logical way--only to have the person challenging them labelled a man-hating feminist or a "white knight mangina" or other such hateful terms designed to squash any attempts to upset (and level) the balance of power. it has been explained to me by the mods that this is policy set down by alex himself--he wishes for members to be able to "look stupid" if they choose to express sexist opinions, and thinks it should be left up to us to point out the wrongness of sexism to them. if this is the case, i don't think it's fair that racist comments--or ableist comments, or violent/threatening comments, etc--don't get left up for the same reason, only the sexist ones remain. this makes very little sense to me, and i think it needs to change.

the moderators have also informed me that it is not within their power to change this policy--it is up to members to contact alex if we are unsatisfied with it. so i have decided to make this thread, with this purpose: to all the women on the site who have felt my frustration with this issue, and to all the allies who would also like to see wrongplanet become a safer and more welcoming place for females on the spectrum, please join me in making a joint effort to contact alex about our feelings and see if we can't get him to change his mind about the "let them look sexist" policy. i don't use facebook or twitter (which i was told are good ways to contact alex as he uses both) so i thought instead to start by talking to others here and perhaps starting an email-writing campaign or something along those lines.

i hope that anyone who is interested in helping to remove sexism as a recurring theme on this site will join in--all genders and orientations are welcome to help the cause. if anyone has suggestions for how to make this effective and get alex's attention, please post them here (or pm me if you're more comfortable with that) so we can get the ball rolling.

let's make sexism on wrongplanet a thing of the past, as it should be!



Nights_Like_These
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22 May 2014, 3:46 pm

Don't have any suggestions to make at the moment, but you can count me in :)



cubedemon6073
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22 May 2014, 4:00 pm

starvingartist wrote:
as some of you may have noticed, i've been taking a bit of a break from posting on wrongplanet the last few days. there is good reason for that, and i'd like to share it now....

the treatment of women on this site is atrocious. i can't count the number of times i have seen statements about women (i.e. "women are x" or "all women do y") go unchallenged, that would never be left up if the same statement were made about any other group of humans (i.e. "black people are x" or "all jews do y"). and i also can't count the number of times i have seen such statements challenged--often in a very reasonable and logical way--only to have the person challenging them labelled a man-hating feminist or a "white knight mangina" or other such hateful terms designed to squash any attempts to upset (and level) the balance of power. it has been explained to me by the mods that this is policy set down by alex himself--he wishes for members to be able to "look stupid" if they choose to express sexist opinions, and thinks it should be left up to us to point out the wrongness of sexism to them. if this is the case, i don't think it's fair that racist comments--or ableist comments, or violent/threatening comments, etc--don't get left up for the same reason, only the sexist ones remain. this makes very little sense to me, and i think it needs to change.

the moderators have also informed me that it is not within their power to change this policy--it is up to members to contact alex if we are unsatisfied with it. so i have decided to make this thread, with this purpose: to all the women on the site who have felt my frustration with this issue, and to all the allies who would also like to see wrongplanet become a safer and more welcoming place for females on the spectrum, please join me in making a joint effort to contact alex about our feelings and see if we can't get him to change his mind about the "let them look sexist" policy. i don't use facebook or twitter (which i was told are good ways to contact alex as he uses both) so i thought instead to start by talking to others here and perhaps starting an email-writing campaign or something along those lines.

i hope that anyone who is interested in helping to remove sexism as a recurring theme on this site will join in--all genders and orientations are welcome to help the cause. if anyone has suggestions for how to make this effective and get alex's attention, please post them here (or pm me if you're more comfortable with that) so we can get the ball rolling.

let's make sexism on wrongplanet a thing of the past, as it should be!


If I have done anything to offend you then I apologize. Have I done anything to offend you in anyway, shape or form? For the cure for the nice guy syndrome thread, my intent was not to offend but to bring to light my beliefs and opinions. All I was trying to do was to get them to live their life and go their own direction.

Did I offend you or any other woman on here? If I did will you please tell me what I did wrong and please accept my apology? Did I offend anyone? Am I an offensive person?

All I want to do is simply understand the reasoning behind things so I simply ask questions especially when something makes no sense.

Is everything cool?



Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 22 May 2014, 4:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

starvingartist
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22 May 2014, 4:08 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
as some of you may have noticed, i've been taking a bit of a break from posting on wrongplanet the last few days. there is good reason for that, and i'd like to share it now....

the treatment of women on this site is atrocious. i can't count the number of times i have seen statements about women (i.e. "women are x" or "all women do y") go unchallenged, that would never be left up if the same statement were made about any other group of humans (i.e. "black people are x" or "all jews do y"). and i also can't count the number of times i have seen such statements challenged--often in a very reasonable and logical way--only to have the person challenging them labelled a man-hating feminist or a "white knight mangina" or other such hateful terms designed to squash any attempts to upset (and level) the balance of power. it has been explained to me by the mods that this is policy set down by alex himself--he wishes for members to be able to "look stupid" if they choose to express sexist opinions, and thinks it should be left up to us to point out the wrongness of sexism to them. if this is the case, i don't think it's fair that racist comments--or ableist comments, or violent/threatening comments, etc--don't get left up for the same reason, only the sexist ones remain. this makes very little sense to me, and i think it needs to change.

the moderators have also informed me that it is not within their power to change this policy--it is up to members to contact alex if we are unsatisfied with it. so i have decided to make this thread, with this purpose: to all the women on the site who have felt my frustration with this issue, and to all the allies who would also like to see wrongplanet become a safer and more welcoming place for females on the spectrum, please join me in making a joint effort to contact alex about our feelings and see if we can't get him to change his mind about the "let them look sexist" policy. i don't use facebook or twitter (which i was told are good ways to contact alex as he uses both) so i thought instead to start by talking to others here and perhaps starting an email-writing campaign or something along those lines.

i hope that anyone who is interested in helping to remove sexism as a recurring theme on this site will join in--all genders and orientations are welcome to help the cause. if anyone has suggestions for how to make this effective and get alex's attention, please post them here (or pm me if you're more comfortable with that) so we can get the ball rolling.

let's make sexism on wrongplanet a thing of the past, as it should be!


If I have done anything to offend you then I apologize. Have I done anything to offend you in anyway, shape or form? For the cure for the nice guy syndrome thread, my intent was not to offend but to bring to light my beliefs and opinions. All I was trying to do was to get them to live their life and go their own direction.

Did I offend you or any other woman on here? If I did will you please tell me what I did wrong and please accept my apology? Did I offend anyone? Am I an offensive person?


i don't remember any particular offence from you cubedemon, and i don't find you offensive as a person. i enjoy conversing with you; you strike me as inquisitive and genuinely concerned with bettering yourself and understanding the world around you--there is certainly nothing offensive about that. my mother taught me when i was very small to never be afraid to ask a question if i didn't understand something, and to never be afraid to ask for help when i needed it, and not to feel foolish for either: some of the most valuable things i have yet learned in this life.



SmarterThanYouThink
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22 May 2014, 4:27 pm

I am definitely in support of this.



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22 May 2014, 4:29 pm

I have just sent a PM to another (& to starvingartist) because I think you all have brought up some good ideas for the Women's Discussion.


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22 May 2014, 4:39 pm

I don't see how it's unsafe here on this site to let as*holes be as*holes. Don't we all know they are douchebags if they make those dumb remarks? It's not like they are actually doing something to us, just expressing an opinion that I feel is idiotic.

I'm with Alex, just let them show their idiocy if they choose to. Turn around and give it right back to them, in spades. Thats what I do. It's just typing on an internet forum, not a speech at a political party's national convention given by the nominee. Their opinions can't actually hurt you, and making them shutup isn't going to change their opinions, it's just going to make them show it in more stupid, passive aggressive ways and they will be more of a pain in the ass than they already are. It happens all the time on the L&D forum. You'll see some of the stupidest s**t ever blamed on feminism.

They can only make you unsafe if they have power over you. They don't have any power over you, and pretty much obviously over anybody else either. ;-)


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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


cubedemon6073
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22 May 2014, 4:39 pm

starvingartist wrote:
i don't remember any particular offence from you cubedemon, and i don't find you offensive as a person. i enjoy conversing with you; you strike me as inquisitive and genuinely concerned with bettering yourself and understanding the world around you--there is certainly nothing offensive about that. my mother taught me when i was very small to never be afraid to ask a question if i didn't understand something, and to never be afraid to ask for help when i needed it, and not to feel foolish for either: some of the most valuable things i have yet learned in this life.


You know what, I find you as an intelligent person as well and I enjoy conversing with you as well. I still want to read that book you suggested "A speed of Dark." I love to explore new ideas and it seems like you do as well. That's pretty cool in my book. Personally, I think we as human kind need better ways to live and better ways to interact with each other.

I think to get to the root of sexism and nice guy syndrome we have to understand the roots of it within many contexts including but not limited to cultural, metaphysical, ontological, and historical. To talk about these things and come up with solutions we would have to talk about other issues that can inter-relate and intersect with this.

For example, I believe these things especially nice guy syndrome is a symptom of our hustling based culture in which everything is treated as a commodity that can be bought and sold when maybe there are things that should have intrinsic worth. From my observations, During our time period virginity seems to be treated as a vice and losing one's virginity is seen as a rite of passage and this seems to be a cultural issue. During the Victorian period, the converse was true. Both of our periods have their high and low points. There are other cultures that exist today and during different time periods that had different beliefs and values.

My opinion is look at the history, culture, philosophy, ontology of other cultures and discuss them and formulate new ideas. I believe this is the way to strike out the root of sexism and nice guy syndrome. Isn't nice guy syndrome another form of evil and if Socrates is correct doesn't evil come from ignorance as to what good is? How does a guy afflicted with nice guy syndrome and sexism and other isms know how to do good if they believe they're doing good and the outcome that comes from it is evil?

This is why I ask questions. So, I know what good is, how to do good and actually do good for myself and my fellow man.



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22 May 2014, 4:48 pm

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. And I'm sorry if you consider all the possible interpretations of what that could mean and decide that it's some kind of sexist comment, but it's not and it's not my problem if you go looking for problems. If you can't handle an environment where people state their opinions you should stop exposing yourself to other peoples opinions.



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22 May 2014, 4:55 pm

I think this is a horrible idea, and won't and shouldn't go anywhere.

First of all, sexism is not the same as racism, certainly not in the parallel you are attempting. Saying "all black people are this" and "all Jews are that" are projections that reflect a desire to get rid of the offending group on some level. Nobody wants to get rid of women, so its a dubious comparison, at best.

Second of all, what you are advocating, whether you realize it or not, is to make it against site rules to criticize women. Women are generally already above legit criticism on this forum as it is; making it against site policy is too stupid for words. This is why people engage in illegitimate criticism that often makes no sense and is more infuriating than fair criticism, because anyone who gives real criticism is usually ignored, mainly because this is the Internet and intelligence does not stand out. Or they are ridiculed and called weak, which brings me to point number three.

There is not anti-female bias on this site as much as anti-weak male bias, which inevitably leads to the kind of sexism that you describe. Any guy who is weak or whiny is wrong wrong wrong, and we don't want to encourage that. But this is the Internet, and it gets attention because we hate it so much. Making "sexism" against site policy, which is subject to interpretation of course, is putting an even bigger emphasis on the anti-weak male bias that already exists, which will make the sexism worse, not better.

So nice idea starving artist, but it will make things worse more than likely. Maybe something else might achieve your goal a little better, but this isn't it. Not even a little.



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22 May 2014, 5:06 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Turn around and give it right back to them, in spades.


I see no reason why I should have to spend time and energy doing that in order to have an environment here that's reasonably civil to/about women.



starvingartist
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22 May 2014, 5:06 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
You know what, I find you as an intelligent person as well and I enjoy conversing with you as well. I still want to read that book you suggested "A speed of Dark." I love to explore new ideas and it seems like you do as well. That's pretty cool in my book. Personally, I think we as human kind need better ways to live and better ways to interact with each other.

I think to get to the root of sexism and nice guy syndrome we have to understand the roots of it within many contexts including but not limited to cultural, metaphysical, ontological, and historical. To talk about these things and come up with solutions we would have to talk about other issues that can inter-relate and intersect with this.

For example, I believe these things especially nice guy syndrome is a symptom of our hustling based culture in which everything is treated as a commodity that can be bought and sold when maybe there are things that should have intrinsic worth. From my observations, During our time period virginity seems to be treated as a vice and losing one's virginity is seen as a rite of passage and this seems to be a cultural issue. During the Victorian period, the converse was true. Both of our periods have their high and low points. There are other cultures that exist today and during different time periods that had different beliefs and values.

My opinion is look at the history, culture, philosophy, ontology of other cultures and discuss them and formulate new ideas. I believe this is the way to strike out the root of sexism and nice guy syndrome. Isn't nice guy syndrome another form of evil and if Socrates is correct doesn't evil come from ignorance as to what good is? How does a guy afflicted with nice guy syndrome and sexism and other isms know how to do good if they believe they're doing good and the outcome that comes from it is evil?

This is why I ask questions. So, I know what good is, how to do good and actually do good for myself and my fellow man.


there is some great writing out there about intersectionality in feminism, for example and to get you started, if you're interested:

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Intersectionality

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10572435/Intersectional-feminism.-What-the-hell-is-it-And-why-you-should-care.html

https://laurenloudrmilk.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/essay-intersectionality-in-feminism/

http://thefeministwire.com/2014/04/decolonial-intersectionality/



starvingartist
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22 May 2014, 5:07 pm

tarantella64 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Turn around and give it right back to them, in spades.


I see no reason why I should have to spend time and energy doing that in order to have an environment here that's reasonably civil to/about women.


^^that right there.



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22 May 2014, 5:08 pm

blockhead90 wrote:
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.


And I assume you would like the the same attitude taken towards people with AS generally in society?



starvingartist
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22 May 2014, 5:11 pm

blockhead90 wrote:
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. And I'm sorry if you consider all the possible interpretations of what that could mean and decide that it's some kind of sexist comment, but it's not and it's not my problem if you go looking for problems. If you can't handle an environment where people state their opinions you should stop exposing yourself to other peoples opinions.


if your "opinions" are full of unreasoning hate against 51% of the human population, you can expect members of that 51% to tell you where to stick your opinion.



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22 May 2014, 5:12 pm

I've emailed Alex about this problem, by the way, and received no reply.