Asperger's and college...

Post Reply New Topic

My son is finishing his Junior year of high school. He has Asperger's. For the most part, he is very mildly affected. He has made it all the way through public high school without getting any services. As a matter of fact, while the school knows of his diagnosis, it isn't officially noted. He just never needed more than for me to keep the teachers informed and deal with the occassional bump in the road as it came.

Now we're starting to look into college. His intended major is a bit specialized (theatrical management). He is likely to go away. He's pretty independent and capable. I'm worried but not a whole lot more than I would be for any of my kids. Still, I know adjustments are hard and I know he gets stressed occassionally. Do I inform the school? Do we let them know when he applies? Will that hurt or help his admission chances? Will they require anything of him...what I mean, my son has never liked any special programs offered because he is almost always the least affected person in these programs. What about a roommate?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks...
Jess

What problems are you anticipating?

It sounds like he's is very capable of handling things independently. Is there something specific that is giving you concern?

I think it should be his choice as to whether or not to tell the schools he is applying to. That said, if he has concerns, he can look into whatever services colleges might have, but he can do that via research and not divulge. Given the current events of the day, I would not divulge, but that is me.

Yeah, in his situation I wouldn't mention it to the college. He's unlikely to need or want assistance, and I think it can only hurt his admission chances.
Things I would do are:
1 Check what services are available just in case things DO go downhill.
2 Consider paying extra for a private room, if they are available.
3 Practice doing laundry and other such chores, if he doesn't already do these things.
4 Make an extra visit or two to the campus, if feasible. Tour the dorm he'll be living in, eat in the cafeteria, etc.
5 Have some serious grown-up talks about women, and alcohol, and drugs.

Also remember: special "learning disabilities programs" are frequently rather expensive.

You might wait until he has been accepted, and then have him contact the university's Disability Services office. Not to ask for accommodations, but to find out what help might be available if he runs into issues later. Ask in particular if there is any support for someone with executive function issues (like organizing big projects or turning work in on time).

What things did you feel his high school teachers needed to know? What kinds of bumps did he run into? Would it make sense to tell his college professors something similar?

My son is the same age.

I haven't seen the application packages yet, but I would assume that unless it enters into a personal story for an interview or essay, we won't be mentioning the Aspergers. It is, however, in his college board materials because we had to apply for a typing accommodation due to his dysgraphia.

I would definitely inform the school once admitted, however. Basically, it changes how things have to be dealt with if something goes wrong and, thus, is an important part of the health history or emergency action file. I have never had it negatively affect my son to make sure the in-charge adults know he is ASD, and we've had some issues when I didn't realize someone did not know.

I think it will also be something that needs to be considered in the roommate selection process, unless you think you can access a single room (something I would definitely consider; my son is very annoying to share space with).

Some schools do have special programs for ASD students but I doubt your son will want to access that. I can't see my son wanting to. And, well, in the theater world our kids usually fit in will enough to not need social help (my son is part of the drama group at his high school, although he does not plan to study it after high school; for him, it is just a really really fun hobby).

For the most part, I do hope to transition control of who and if anyone gets told to my son, but neither him nor I are quite seeing him being ready to fully be an adult at 18; he is on a slower road when it comes to independence and he knows it. Although his dream schools are across the country, he may stay closer to home in a less ideal school just so that we can run to his rescue on the weekends - and clean his clothes if nothing else, lol.

I think it is good to identify what all the challenges are likely to be and then develop a plan together on how to handle them. For my son, executive function is huge, as are personal care issues. We're already in dialogue about what the options will be.

As for accommodations from the university. .

Usually no official diagnosis=no help. Or diagnosis, but functions fine=no help.

When I went to disability services, I needed an official letter from my psychiatrist that my bipolar disorder was making my life unmanageable. Saying I had bipolar was not enough. I had to have him actually right that I NEEDED accommodations. Does your son current have a medical doctor that will do this? I needed an actual M.D./DO not a social worker or psychologist to write out the form and letter.

It is a bit different if your child had an IEP in high school. There is a current paper trail. If you child was diagnosed, and moved out of his IEP, and was functioning fine in school, *supposedly no need for accommodations.*

You must remember, the university or college will not be involved with you other than having your son GIVE you the legal right to see his grades on line. He is an adult. I'm guessing it is different if you are his legal guardian. His professors will not talk to you. It is very different fro high school, were you can run interference crud teachers and shifty treatment. It really falls on your son's shoulders to handle it.

Unless your kid has some monster scholarship that he can not pass up, or you can pay off his student loans if he drops out, my friends did this with their sons.

First year was small studio apartment, and they went to community college near by. My friends were complete hands off except a weekly visit to check for signs of depression or totally shutting down. It is cheaper money wise, community college credits transfer almost anywhere, and it gave the sons independence. One was able to go to the big deal university. The other crashed and burned, but is slowly getting his independence back.

They told me the hardest thing was having no communication with the professors/university, and how little services there are for adults with ASD after 18, unless you are extremely low functioning.

Good luck! How exciting for your son.

DS is only in elementary, but my long-term hope/plan is that he'll attend community college and live at home (with increased freedom and responsibility) for the first year or two. It will save loads of money and let him transition to adulthood more gradually. Then, if he wants and is able, he can transfer to a four-year college.

I think the biggest thing your son needs in this transition: is he able to advocate for himself? Does he understand there are "layers" of self-advocacy? (meaning: "I sometimes have a hard time taking notes, may I record the class with my phone?" vs. "I am diagnosed with autism, so I can't take notes and pay attention at the same time, may I record the class with my phone?" and when it's appropriate to use which one)

I'm part of a parents' group that is looking at options for our kids for college (my son isn't close yet, but we plan very far in advance.) The thing that seems to be most important is whether or not your child can be flexible in his or her approach to finding solutions for unexpected problems or not, and if he can successfully advocate for him or herself.

Several parents made the point that parents (even of diagnosed students) at the college level are usually discouraged from offering help or advocating, and sometimes actively unwanted and turned away: if you feel your son will need an advocate, you're going to need a plan.

Hi, Jess. I'm the mom of a son with autism & also a professor at a university that provides pretty minimal services. I've worked with our Disability Services office quite a bit, though, so I may have some special insight here, assuming you're in the U.S. Choosing a college & making the transition to living away from home is super-stressful for most kids, on the spectrum or not, so it's great that you're thinking ahead and doing what you can to make this go more smoothly!

First, other posters are right that there are two separate issues: the application process vs. the enrollment/transition (and the latter also breaks down into several different issues: academic vs. residential vs. social). Legally, your son's diagnosis should not make a difference in the application process, but.... there's really no reason to mention it at that point, either, unless he feels it's a central part of his own personal narrative.

Other posters are correct that once your child is enrolled, you (as a parent) will not be involved in any discussions or decisions unless your son specifically signs off on an okay-to-disclose form. (If your son agrees that you should be kept in the loop, ask the school about a FERPA waiver.)

Whether your son anticipates any problems or need for any official classroom accommodations, I HIGHLY recommend that you get his diagnosis on file with the Disability Services office from the get-go. They will not disclose his diagnosis or his involvement with their office until and unless he decides to, but having the formalities taken care of ahead of time would significantly speed up the process if he ever does want their help. They will also be able to tell him of all the resources available (common accommodations that are granted to people on the spectrum, any support groups, etc.), so he can decide on these things for himself. (It's fine if he decides against all of it, but he can't make an informed decision if he doesn't know what's available!) Whether he had an IEP in high school will have NO bearing on whether he can receive accommodations in higher ed (as we recognize that there are new and greater demands at that level).

Some schools offer "disability singles" for students who can't cope with roommates, if that's appealing. (There may not be the same cost associated with "buying" a single, if that option is even available.) (Of course, that's also how many college students make their new best friends -- roommates can be a blessing or a curse!)

As far as disclosure goes, post-admission, I disagree with many of the previous posters. Obviously, it's a personal decision, so let me explain why I think he should disclose early & often....

As far as classes & professors go, I STRONGLY URGE your son to disclose, even if he's not requesting particular academic accommodations. A LOT of students, even good students, have a rocky transition (both because college-level work is very different from high school, and because many students are having their first taste of freedom and making some bad choices) -- professors who know about his diagnosis will be more likely to intervene sooner (rather than hoping he'll sort things out himself) and in a more caring, constructive way (rather than assuming that he's failing because he's out partying every night, putting more energy into rushing a fraternity than into his coursework, just blowing off classes). Similarly, if he unintentionally gives off vibes of being uninterested, bored, hostile, etc., professors who are unaware of his diagnosis may well get their backs up and be snarky in return, potentially even calling him out on his behavior in front of his classmates, embarrassing him & creating a vicious spiral of bad feelings leading to a bad learning environment, whereas professors who are in the loop are more likely to pull him aside and give him some gentle advice. Similarly, professors who are aware of the diagnosis are more likely to be more direct in their communications with your son, which can't hurt.

I really don't see any downside to disclosing to professors. We don't expect any less of students academically just because they have a diagnosis. (After all, they qualified to get in, so we know they can do the work.)

You can work with your disability offices to draft a letter to give to professors on the first day of class that is tailored to your son's individual presentation and preferences.

E.g., "This letter is to inform you that I have Asperger's syndrome. I am not currently requesting accommodations in the classroom, but I wanted you to be aware of the diagnosis, which is on record with our school's disability services office, in case problems develop over the course of the semester. I would appreciate it if you would not disclose my diagnosis to others.

In the past, I have sometimes had a problem with {appearing uninterested, falling asleep in class, sounding angry, blurting out answers, working in groups, .... (whatever)}. Please be aware that if such things occur, no disrespect is intended and the appearance of boredom or anger is unintentional. If you notice this or other problems occurring, especially problems that affect my performance in your class, I would appreciate you speaking to me privately about it as soon as possible. I give you permission to e-mail me about such issues, and to cc my parents on all communications, as it is helpful to me if they stay involved in my transition to college, and I have signed an official FERPA waiver."

Likewise, I would strongly encourage your son to disclose to the Residence Hall director and his particular RA. (And, if he's comfortable, to his entire hallway.) In the first few weeks of school, students are doing their damnedest to bond with each other (because they feel very alone, cut off from their previous support networks, they're pretty desperate to fit in with the new crowd). Unfortunately, human nature being what it is, the easiest way to get a group to bond together is to have a common enemy. If your son comes off as even a little weird, a little different, if he annoys just a couple of people early on, it is quite possible that he will become the victim of subtle bullying & exclusion. If the RAs know about his condition, they can take extra care to make sure that a toxic environment does not develop. If the entire hallway knows about his condition, they're more likely to be tolerant of his differences. They might even bond together to support him! (Thanks to the popularity of Abed & Sheldon, every college student already feels like they have a personal friend on the spectrum!)

If your son has a particular interest or area of expertise (anime, opensource coding, gaming, chess, fencing, whatever), there is very likely a club on campus already that he should make a point of finding immediately. Here, it probably won't matter whether he discloses or not, since they will bond over their shared passion. In my experience, this is a key factor to students finding a "home" on campus.

I wish there was a "like" button. Thank you.

Thank you so much MaryShap! Your personal experience is extremely valuable; I wish I had a way to save your post!

And I'm not even the OP

MomSparky - can you make sure it gets on the index?