Not kowing having AS vs knowing

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I did not realize that I had AS until I lived with a girl that had AS. I want to tell her so bad. (enough of that here is the relevancy of this post)

These questions are for the individuals that found out late in life.

Once you were diagnosed, does life change. Does it get easier knowing what your brain can handle?

After knowing, do you schedule alone time for yourself to recoup from social situations?

The few friends you do have, do they treat you the same?

Do you feel that they think you are lying and you are just making up this condition up just to get away of being rude?

For me, it was absolutely soul-crushing, I'm not sure how I'd approach trying to tell someone else.
One aspect of the condition that I've seen others on here write about is going over past events that have confused or bewildered us previously, and realising that it was our own lack of understanding that caused the situation in question. This also eradicates what little self-esteem is left over from the initial shock of discovery or diagnosis, and being older means you have more to go over and less time left to try and get your life back in order.
There's not many people I've tried to talk to about my possibly having Asperger's (I say "possibly" because trying to get a diagnosis on the NHS as an adult has so far proved to be a wild goose chase, yet another blow), but they mostly say that they don't think I have it or that I'm not "that bad". How much they know about it I can't say, and I haven't done much to educate them seeing as it would be me talking about all of my own shortcomings, and I'm worried that I'll sound self-sorry or whiney and that I won't be seen as an equal. I do have one friend that will occasionally give me some advice as to how I come across to people, for example once he said that I shouldn't tell people that I have a terrible memory for names when I first meet them as it's a negative thing to say about myself and doesn't make a good first impression, so having an understanding and patient NT around to ask about that sort of thing is very helpful.
All of that said, it does feel like I've got a slight advantage that I didn't have before in that I know a lot of my own weaknesses which will hopefully help me to avoid social blunders in future.
I think she should know, but you need to be absolutely certain before you say anything. If you go over all of the symptoms with her and tell her how you think they apply to her it will come across very badly, you'll be essentially telling her "this is all of the reasons why I don't think you're normal". Tread very carefully, and make sure she knows that you like her as she is before you bring up AS, and that you're really worried about upsetting her but don't know how else to address your suspicions.
The very best of luck to you

I didn't find out until I was 41 and that's because a psychiatrist actually came up to me and told me. Before hand, I would blame my social differences on the fact that I was a only child, raised by a single parent and even the fact that I have an lazy eye. You have no idea how hard I work at trying to improve my social skills with no avail. There is an old saying "All the practice in the world will do you no good if you practice wrong." and that's exactly what I did. Of course, it helps to know that you are practicing it wrong in the first place, which I didn't at the time.

It depends heavily on the situation (as most things do). If the person is suffering considerably, the not knowing or not being supported is impacting negatively on their life, you have every right to let them know, to try and improve their QOL so that they can gain access to support.
If the person seems happy and contented, you shouldn't ruin their balance for no reason. These situations are difficult and hard to understand, more so for me as I would not know whether they were happy or sad until I'd asked or I'd been told.

I wasn´t surprised at all. In fact, I expected it.
Confusion? Yes, because I had to relearn, who I am, and find out, why things had happened the way they did in my life and why the social stuff has been so difficult. There was a lot of family history to take up....sad, that they are dead. I would have liked to inform them.Well, that´s life.

Now, a year after dx, I am beginning to know, what I can handle. It takes a while, when you get it after a so many years of trying to cope NT wise.
As the first reaction, I became extremely tired. It is getting better now, but I find, that I can´t cope with as much as before, because It cost constant "overwork", anxiety and self reproach.
I´ve allways craved my alone time - even in the middle of a party. I still do, and even more so.
My art teacher found it rude, but I didn´t change.

A new thing:I have become aware of/ admitted, that socializing for the sake of being social bores me to death. There has to be a purpose, - a subject. That is actually the hardest part to explain.

Most of my friends (I don´t have a lot) are like they always were. A few disbelieved me, a few got worried: "Are you the same as before?" They didn´t seem to understand my sudden withdrawal (I did so for a period). One has taken a step back, but all in all I think, they see me as the same person.
The worrying is all mine.

No, they don´t think, I´m making things up, as I´ve always been that slightly remote person, that didn´t catch their jokes, and whom they wondered a bit about.
One friend refused to believe it, because "we all feel that way", - but she isn´t quite NT herself

1. After diagnosis my way of thinking changed. I stopped blaming myself for many things. In that sense life has changed and got easier.

2. I don't need to schedule time alone for myself because no one wants to spend time with me any way and I already have plenty of that.

3. and 4. I haven't told my "friends" about it. I didn't explicitly mention "autism". I only implied something about it. They don't understand. They seem to be thinking I'm saying some rubbish/excuse or I am imagining something. Either way, I realized that people are closed-minded. Only those people that truly care about you will try to listen to/understand you. Others will dismiss it immediately because you and your problems are not important enough for them to think about.

The biggest thing that changed was that I started working with my brain rather than trying to beat it into being normal.



I've been doing that all my life anyway, as well as avoiding socialising as much as possible anyway.



Yes.



No. The general response has been "that makes sense". Generally I've gotten a lot more consideration for my lack of sociability and need for predictability from my friends who are aware of it.

I first suspected it just over two years ago. Finding out that I might be on the spectrum has been a huge revelation. It was the most important realization of my life! I started letting myself be more myself and allow myself to do things like make sure I get some alone time in when I get home form work and not forcing myself to make eye contact. All of that helped a lot, but I was still agonizing over the question of if I really was on the spectrum or not. It was hell not knowing.

When I finally got my Dx, it was a huge relief, even though nothing has really changed.

I lived the first 54 years with no idea. At 57 now I have had a full assessment and its for sure. It is a bit depressing. I am lowering my sights in ways, but I think that will bring relief. It is changing many things inside me to see myself this way. I would not go back to a state of un-knowing for anything.

I knew for about two years before getting diagnosed that I had AS, but getting professional confirmation was a huge relief: I wasn't just some quirky, highly anxious weirdo with no social life, there was a reason I was the way I was. After coming to terms with the fact that I was autistic (it took about a year) I finally started implementing some adjustments to my life that I hadn't been aware of needing before, such as making out lists so I wouldn't forget things, requesting time alone in situations where I otherwise can't go off and get it by myself (such as while on vacation, etc.), finding effective stim toys and permitting myself to stim when needed, and finding ways to ward off impending meltdowns (still working on that one), as well as taking the initiative to get properly diagnosed.

I wouldn't necessarily say my life altered remarkably, but it did give me a much better understanding of myself, my symptoms, and why I behave the way I do: discovering I was autistic was generally a beneficial experience.

My family never told me they thought I was making it up as my mother was the one who made the preliminary "diagnosis". I was the one who refused to accept it at first. Even my father, who is generally against labels (and, ironically, more than likely autistic himself) acknowledged and accepted that I did have it, even before I was diagnosed. One of my friends thought it was just a case of high sensitivity because I don't have a heightened intolerance for touch, but my other friend accepted it, and treats me the same as she did before I told her.

For me, than you are sure, so I would feel good, to know there is name behind why I'm different, instead of being different and not knowing why.

I tried to get tested for it, but my doctor or whatever she was, decided that it's not nesscary, even though I really wanted it. I don't know why she thought that, but I have a different, worker now, and I will probably try again, if I remember.

Question 1: No, it hasn't made a difference in my life. It was a little interesting at first knowing why. But after awhile it was back to normal. I have had other diagnosis's since I was five. So ultimately to me it's just another label being added on.

Question 2: I have always made alone time for myself. The quantity of alone time hasn't changed since diagnosis.

Question 3: Not applicable. No friends.

Question 4: Not applicable. No friends.