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AussieBoy
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08 Apr 2007, 9:30 pm

Lots of people have been coming to me at lunch time and have been asking me to stop my brother being annoying. (I don't blame him) I found out later that he had been calling them 'maniacs'. How do I help him?



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08 Apr 2007, 9:39 pm

What part of the ASD spectrum is your brother in? Is he leaning more toward the Austistic scale or the Aspergers? Also how old is your brother? It all greatly depends on where you're brother is at.

Here is what I would do: (but find out what works for you. alter this to suit your needs and your brothers needs)
1. sit down with your brother and talk to him about all this, so you can better understand his perspective. Does he know what he is saying is wrong? Did he actually even say that? What did he mean by that? Why would he say that? What is he doing or saying? Etc. Ask him questions.
2. talk with those people and explain to them ASD and that your brother is in the spectrum. Sure, this may feel a bit weird but then they will have an understanding of your brother. If they don't know he has Aspergers/Austism, how can they accept him and understand him?

Lizzie.

P.S I totally get where you're coming from, as I have younger siblings also. :)



AussieBoy
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09 Apr 2007, 2:51 am

[quote="Aspie777"]What part of the ASD spectrum is your brother in? Is he leaning more toward the Austistic scale or the Aspergers? Also how old is your brother? It all greatly depends on where you're brother is at.

He has aspergers, and he is 7 yeaars old. His user name on Wrong Planet is UbbyUbbyUbby. He's only just realised that he has aspergers.



Jimmy



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09 Apr 2007, 3:26 am

Things to tell to the complainers: Be patient. Daniel can be a bit hard to manage sometimes and may often not know the meaning of what he is saying.

Things to tell Daniel: Suggest that you could supervise him and stop him from doing/saying things, and point him in the right direction. Of course, this may cut into the time you spend with your other friends.


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Auras
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09 Apr 2007, 4:00 am

Hehe. I sympathize with you man only in reverse. I'm an Aspie and my 2 year younger brother is a NT(normal). we didn't know I had AS till after i graduated high school tho so i can't imagine what he went threw when i hung out with him and his friends. lol

But as older brothers we have extra responsibility man. We gotta look after our younger brothers. I'm sure your brother is a very smart boy but he doesn't see the world like you do. Luckily he has you to see it for him. I read in another place here that your mom thinks she has AS too. This means as a NT you get to be there eyes and ears. you understand how the world really works and as you grow up you'll get to help you brother try to understand it too. Now your brother is different and always will be different. It's not your job to help him be normal but to help him understand what other normal people are thinking and doing when he doesn't get it.

You'll do fine man. 8)


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09 Apr 2007, 9:03 am

Hello AussieBoy,

And what did they call him first?

Somebody playing name caller got labeled?

Daniel has AS, perhaps they are just maniacs.

All is fair in love, war, and being seven.

First, as I am impressed with Daniel, how would he define, "Maniac."

Extreem behaviors with no connection to reality?

That does define First and Second Grade.

Does he go out of his way, hunt them down, just to waste his time telling them they are maniacs?

Or is it when they come to him to play name calling games, which all little kids do,

he has found their weak spot, he makes them uncomfortable?

If you throw a pack of dogs together, they will try to figure out pack dominance order.

Mostly they do not fight, but try little games, seeing who they can get over on.

They are seeking weakness, so they can say, I am better.

Daniel has them begging for help from his brother?

Maniac is just a word, and not a strong one, unless the shoe fits.

Daniel is moving up in the pack order. Maniacs are mindless and non-functional.

How many dinosaurs can they name, can they spell the names?

Daniel is asserting his superiority over the pack, and it is working.

I would think it starts with them trying to call Daniel names.

He does not play their game, just says, You are a Maniac.

They lost. What can they do?

Go to the teacher and say, "I called Daniel a ret*d and he said I was a Maniac?"

They know he is smart, knows lots about dinosaurs, and most likely do not know exactly what a Maniac is.

Being the older you should help. They are coming to you, they are upset.

Aspurgers is a minor condition with no treatment. It's main defining symtom is not fitting in the pack order.

We do not play the social game like the others. One place we do fit in is Top Dog.

Bill Gates is a good example of an aspie top dog. There are many others.

In the adult world those with Aspurger's Syndrome are called, "The Boss."

You should help the kids who come to complain.

You do know there are Doctors who treat mental conditions.

The only treatment for Aspurger's is learning to find your place in the social world. No drugs, no cure.

Maniacs can be treated, there are lots of pills, and shots, and the sooner they get help the better, or they can spend their lives locked up in a Mental Hospital, or Prison.

Help them, tell them they should go tell the School Nurse they are Maniacs, and she will put them on pills.

Picking on Danial has annoyed them, made them upset, enough that they went to his brother?

There is something wrong with them. The sooner they get in treatment the better.

When picking on Daniel is no fun, everyone else is smarter, tells them they can be treated with pills for being maniacs. They will stop picking on Daniel, because he is higher in the pack order, and they lose and become confused, when they try.

You can let them know they lost, as you said, (I do not blame him) this is the same pack he will go through school with, so it is for the best to let them know Daniel is Top Dog, the best wressle fighter, a lot smarter, and has a big brother.

It is good to establish pack dominance order early. It makes life better. Some aspies get bullied in school, name calling turns to hitting. Daniel is winning at name calling, and would also win at hitting. Stop it before it starts. Hitting will get him in trouble. Once they accept that he is top dog, that is the way it will be.

I am forced to play their games. So I play to win. Meet Daniel after class, when his whole class is there. You two start a fake fight, just brotherly, but make it look rough, and let Daniel win. Then say he has to go home and help you with your homework. The rest of the class will see that he can beat up his big brother and is smart enough to help him with his homework. A fighter, smart, a big brother, Top Dog.

"Treat them like people,
they act like dogs,
treat them like dogs,
they act like well behaved dogs."

Inventor



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09 Apr 2007, 9:17 am

Aussie Boy,

Did they pick on him originally and this is his way of trying to fight back and establish he is someone? If so, it could be worse. He could be punching them. If they were picking on him (and ask Daniel, not them because they will lie if they did), read on. If not, the advice would be different as he would then be the bully himself and that's another thing to deal with.

I have to say I agree with Inventor. Whether you look at this as pack behavior or not (I do but many rebel at that term), it's group behavior and it's all about finding your place in the group. If Daniel was picked on, it will be natural for him to act against it and probably in the same manner as they chose to initiate it. I'm pretty sure you'll find they called him names and he is just calling them names back. Now they are going to you and whining for you to help them. (Seriously, do they have any spine?) If that's what is going on, I would not make excuses for Daniel at all because you'll make it worse for him. If they did start it, say don't start things you can't finish. If you called him names, you have to be prepared to be called names in return. (My father would have added, Now suck it up and go play. But, that's him.) If you don't, they will see it as a free pass to pick on him worse. If you do, they will see that they are not going to get your support and Daniel's place in the group will be set.

Kids in school did not pick on me like most of the people here. Why? I had five brothers and trust me, they would not have seen me as the problem. No kid in school was going to mess with me because it meant messing with all my brothers as well. They weren't going there. My place in the group was set. I was still strange compared to them, but we got along and I did not have those kinds of problems. No one had to get hurt and the other kids were fine once they figured out the rules. We all did well and we went to school together from kindergarten through 12 th grade.

Sometimes we try to avoid trouble by smoothing things over but we just cause bigger problems as a result. I hope this makes sense to you.

Zanne



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09 Apr 2007, 8:22 pm

[quote="Auras"]Hehe. I sympathize with you man only in reverse. I'm an Aspie and my 2 year younger brother is a NT(normal). we didn't know I had AS till after i graduated high school tho so i can't imagine what he went threw when i hung out with him and his friends. lol

My mother is N.T I really liked your advice. It must have been hard for you and your brother when you were growing up.

Jimmy



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09 Apr 2007, 8:37 pm

[quote="Inventor"]Hello AussieBoy,

And what did they call him first?

Somebody playing name caller got labeled?

This is what my Nanna has to say to you.

Hi! I'm Robyn. I am N.T but I am weird. I am the ex teacher with the glare.
I love the things you have to say and the way you teach aspies to be proud and to stand up for themselves. At present Daniel is a lost little boy, and his big brother is only 8. But I know Jimmy will stand by his brother.
I am so grateful for these forums and for the love and humour. For people without some social skills you sure have a lot to teach us about loyalty and kindness and sticking together.

Jimmy and Robyn



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09 Apr 2007, 9:20 pm

Hello Jimmy and Robyn! Funnily enough I have a character called Robijn in my story!


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10 Apr 2007, 3:12 am

Yes, Robin and Jimmy, both ZanneMarie and Inventor have a lot to share, and there's so much wisdom there, sometimes it takes a few readings.

Sometimes, Jimmy, when your little brother does something, it's not because he has AS. It's because he is a boy a little younger than you doing what he needs to do. If he was calling them a maniac because they called him names first, then tell him he was right for standing up for himself, and see if your mom can think of better ways for Ubby to handle it.

We're all learning, and talking to each other really helps, too.

You're being so helpful to your brother, Jimmy. I know your mom is proud of both of you boys. I would be!

Hang in there, sweetie!

Happy happy joy joy, RJaye

:mrgreen:



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10 Apr 2007, 4:24 am

Auras wrote:
I read in another place here that your mom thinks she has AS too.


I'm AussieBoy and UbbyUbbyUbby's mum.

I am N.T.

I think you're referring to the thread where I said something along the lines of .... I never fit in at high school (I was a nerd and often called weird) so I have some understanding of what Aspies go through ... that's not saying I faced the difficulties that Aspies face.

I am proud of Jimmy. He has been asking so many questions about Asperger's and wanting to learn as much as possible.

It has been difficult for Jimmy because so much of our time and energy has been going into getting Daniel diagnosed. We've been trying to take him out by himself. He's at his Nanna's house now without his brothers getting spoilt.

Thankyou everyone for your advice.



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10 Apr 2007, 4:27 am

ZanneMarie wrote:
Aussie Boy,

Kids in school did not pick on me like most of the people here. Why? I had five brothers and trust me, they would not have seen me as the problem. No kid in school was going to mess with me because it meant messing with all my brothers as well. They weren't going there.
Zanne


Hmmm ... Daniel has 2 brothers, one big brother and one little brother. Maybe I should send the 3 of them to martial arts training?

Smelena



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10 Apr 2007, 5:40 am

Smelena,

You know your situation best. Here's what I would say. Martial arts needs to be looked at something that may help Daniel's coordination improve in a good way. (Some of us do well at a certain thing like dancing and are klutzes elsewhere.) It will promote strong mental thinking because that is the nature of the exercise (and it is a form of holistic exercise, the self defense aspects aside). It will promote bonding between the boys (because they share an activity).

My brothers are just farm kids with no special training. It was probably their sheer numbers more than anything. As I said (here or somewhere), they only ever took action once and that was not in the beginning. Most humans respond to a dead stare (same thing works with dogs, but there we go again down that path and it can hit a nerve with people) and if it never wavers, will back off. In Daniel's case, it may be mistaken for Autism rearing up. There are also body postures that send off signals. Stiffening the body and holding the shoulders a certain way. Most men would know about these so if they have a father or uncle who can show them, that would be good. If not, find a male you know to show them. I wouldn't necessarily promote a fight, rather I would promote things that send silent signals that he will not be prey because truthfully that is what goes on subconciously. That's why I find schools allowing bullying to be so offensive. It promotes something that is not tolerated in adults.

Most of all, you will make the difference. My parents knew I was different (everyone with eyes knew I was different), but it wasn't made a big deal out of and they never acted as if I was wrong or unacceptable because of it. I never heard those words you must or you should when I did things that were strange. You have to be careful of those words. They lower self worth and when a child has low self worth, they hunch their shoulders and make themselves look small - they turn themselves into prey. That's not a good thing on a playground.

I was fortunate in my teachers, you may have to get more creative. Sometimes simply refusing to take no as an answer as the parent (this is not for you Jimmy) is a powerful thing. I work in corporate America where I have to practice this many times a week. It's stood me in good stead with utility companies, car repair places, etc. If your problem is inconvenient, it's human nature to try to push it aside. That's when you have to stand like an immovable object and make it more worth their while to help you than to fight you. Sometimes you simply must take top dog posture.

Back to Daniel. I strongly urge you not to make excuses for those boys if they are bullying. Validate your son, not them. He does not need to make himself invisible to be treated correctly, he needs to realize he deserves respect no matter how his brain functions. His brothers also need to learn this and they will respond accordingly if they are taught to stick together and be there for one another. Even at 8, my brothers did it. Jimmy will as well. They have as much potential as you allow yourself to see for them. Make sure you keep your eyes wide open and don't narrow the view. It's going to be hard. Many will fight you on this all the way. Just remember that their actions come from fear. Let your actions come from confidence.



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10 Apr 2007, 10:03 am

AussieBoy, this is for your Nanna.

Hi Robyn, Nothing like a first person account to throw light on a subject. We all come at this in different ways, due to what we ran into.

I only recently discovered Aspurger's, but have a life of dealing with socalled humans.

They have a very limited and mostly fixed range. I find them predictable.

Rjaye does point out the overriding truth of the matter, Daniel is made of Snips an Snails an Puppy Dog Tails. Little boy is the true Dx, long before seven can be figured ot he will be eight. They do seem to exist to collect dirt, yet the house never gets cleaner. They are such little angels, but only when they are sleeping.

Daniel has a great natural position, an older and younger brother. He will grow up more boy from practice. He will not be facing the world alone.

A note on AS. There is something, but with 10,000 here I am yet to find a matching pair. Even when several have one trait strongly, everything else about them does not match.

It has it's problems, as life in general does, but on the question of having seen both, would you rather be AS or NT, the vast majority chose AS. Even the ones who are unhappy with their lives think of AS as their main coping skill. It does play out well, here without the rest of the world, none of us live up to the Dx.

This is a seperate reality, but it is consistant. I have pity on the human race, I can understand what they feel, how they think, and see how things became as they are. The Dx says we do not have any of those skills.

We are, and I am strongly pro us. Our history is disturbing to me. Hans Aspurger did his work in the 1930s and 40s. Before even I was born. Science has changed in most fields since then, but in the psych field, some still cling to the past like it was carved in stone.

Aspurger did a study of Little Professers, the high functioning, they had a potential to make Wunderwaffen for the Master Race. All of the lower functioning went to the ovens. He was a Scientist working for the National Socialist State, and I think a card carrying member of the party.

He had an agenda. I am sure that many of the high functioning that lacked skills he was seeking were tested by him, then sent to the ovens. I do not have warm feelings for the man.

The next time we were discovered was twenty years later in England, based I am sure on documents captured after the war. Then we were seen as having the potential to build bigger and better Atomic Bombs to destroy the commies with. We were not useful, for anyone with half a brain knows that tens of bombs, we might go back to the stone age, a few more and some life might continue, and a few more leave nothing but a hot rock.

In America mental health was a market to develop for the drug companies. Childhood was seen as a treatable condition. Hundreds of drugs were developed and marketed. None of them are still being used. When I was at the University, 1960s, Psych Major was slang for a nut case. They did graduate with a degree that was not, and is not, a Science. The history of the field is ever changing psychobabble.

We were all called something else untill 1994, when we made "The Book". It was another ten years till a ne crop started using it, and due to the vast range I see here, AS is a dumping ground.

Now we get attention because it has been noticed that we are major players in the development of computers. Since Wired magazine labeled it, "The Geek Syndrome". IT is our leading occupation.

The main problem is we are defined by trained professionals. Few have more than a four year degree. It would be generous to say they have a slightly higher IQ, perhaps 110. Some of us do not test well, but there seems to be a grouping around 140, and another a hundred points higher.

We do read, and compare notes. Most people think in words, most have no inturnal images, and the small percentage that report doing so, state a black and white wire frame image, and fleeting. Most people dream in black and white.

We in general report thinking in images, in full color, with motion, and the ability to run it like a movie, to freeze frame, rewind, re run, and make changes. We dream in color. There is an aspie pause as we stop, convert images into words, words into speech, and like any translation, words must be picked to have not just the same meaning, but to be in current useage, we do read dictionaries for fun. Being over honest, the reply to a simple question could take days.

We see ourselves as normal people. We have a common reality. We are judged as a blind person with an IQ of 70 would judge normal humans, if they were the majority, and normal humans a medical and scientific problem. Any normal human trying to explain their views, such as sight, would be locked up and given drugs, have their eyes removed, till they were cured.

Given that there are millions of us, and within that group all of the usual spread of normal human problems, personalities, we are mostly human. We disagree on most human things, just like everyone else. We have the same other medical conditions.

We differ in information processing. Ours is a complex world, and newly discovered. The problem is only we can see it, and as one out of three hundred, the world tells us we are wrong, no matter what we say. It is not likely we will meet other aspies in real life. WP has changed that.

We are a threat. The worst kind. We call it the neo-Cortex because it is new, another layer over a brain that goes back to reptiles, or flat worms. It is a recent development, no hard facts on when, but the apes lack it. All humans without it were replaced. It started with a few, and ended a level of development.

Our image processing, our advanced skills, some geek becoming the worlds richest man in twenty years, touch very deep species extinction fears. People have very strong reactions to us. It has nothing to do with anything done or said, it has lead to legal actions, and when questioned they said they had no cause, just everything was wrong so they attacked. They have no history of violence.

Many of us report physical abuse from teachers, and constant mental abuse. I had it. Here are trained people, used to working with children, women, who seem to single one out, ridclue them before the other students, say insulting and demeaning things, speak in anger, and hit, slap, pull hair. Other than that they are fine teachers. Something more than our behavior set them off.

The world in general was worse, but I learned, and they dont. I still get the stranger who gets in my face and threatens me. I am sixty. I tell them, you are 1,042, and the rest are all very sorry. I meet agression with agression, and I have more field practice. They come on like the big bad wolf, and I think their hide would make a good rug. The usual is, when I show no fear, they start talking about their gang, I say good, you will need six to carry you, and they leave saying the police will come get me if anything happens to them.

They reacted out of one unknown fear, I give them a here and now fear, I have long arms, and say, "Another one with tough eyeballs" I stop them, bring them to their senses, the primal stuff is forgotten when they have to think of losing an eye now. I do not know any of them. They just keep showing up.

Take any child, speak to them in anger, tell them everything they say is wrong, make their life a constant punishment, come up behind them an slap them in the back of the head. If they show interest in anything, and seem to be enjoying it, take it away and punish them some more, never let them eat a meal in peace, and they will develop social avoidence.

Everything in the Dx is reacting to how they were treated. Pure us is very limited, I avoid eye contact because I can read minds. They may be smiling, but that is not what they are thinking. I am not a dog that pays constant attention to it's owner. I am not waiting for anyone to yell at me and become my Master. I own myself. By the time I was fifteen I was more than willing to educate people. A pool cue was my main educational tool.

I still have a hard time explaining the world. I am new on WP. I am a supporter of radical ideas like letting kids be kids, growing is a full time job, and if it is replaced with something else, some ill considered Curbie fix, they will never grow where they should have. We will have to deal with the world, and the best tool is a well developed self. Children who were sheltered, had good parents, report they started making eye contact at fifteen, developed social skills on their own, and developed their AS talents.

I fit in the world, I started working computers in 1963. I can also fix any machine. My superior skills overcame what those who liked me, or just put up with me, call my strange sense of humor. They do laugh at my jokes, a real laugh.

I see the brain as a flower bud, and after a long time it is starting to open. Our stronger and more developed senses are not the final result, only a glimmer of what will be. Few remember what a leap it was when Windows put icons on the screen, images instead of text. Now most of the world uses icons well.

One out of three hundred there is not much point to us being retrained to fit in, when the world is rapidly changing to our common point of view. We need to grow up to form our own identities, before learning how to deal with others. Self is all, without it, there is no center.

Only we can self identify. I have a whole new world I cannot explain. We must see what we are. No one else can, and we do have a record of bringing good things to the world. Like anyone else, living up to our potential is all we can do. We will always be aliens, no hiding that. I know I could learn to fit into Chinese culture better than the English speaking world, for they would see an alien.

I have learned a lot about my own childhood here. We are kind and concerned, but there is something in it for us. In a way we get to grow through that phase again. Most threads are page two in a week, Daniel and Jimmy are staying at the top of the page, look at the number of people who have viewed the threads. We do have a strong interest in real life. It is a fairy tale with a good Nanna and Mum. It beats my old memories, and blots them out.

We will help you because you help us. Hundreds of people know Daniel, he will grow up with a worldwide tribe. Our dear RedMage at 15 has a fan club of thousands. Post who knows something about this here and your social support network will respond with their best, from all points of view.

Some think we should adapt to the majority rules world, others are aspie seperatist. Some favor educating the world, others just want their money. I want to find out who we are from our point of view.

It is new, it is growing, and it is helping many. Alex, the Founder of WP, is a great person in world history.