What will my child be like in 10 years time?

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I have a 7 year-old son with AS (high-functioning). Every now and then I wonder about what he will be like when he's old enough to leave home. Will he be able to fit in and cope better with the world, or will things be the same or worse?

I would be interested in hearing from parents who have late teenagers and young adults, to hear to what extent your child progressed through their child and adolescent years. Do the tantrums subside? Does the ability to make friends improve? Did they appear to "grow out of" a lot of stuff (I know you technically don't grow out of AS, so maybe "adapt" would be a better word). Did anyone ever worry that their child wouldn't marry because of AS . . . and did they?

let me start by saying I'm married to a man with Aspergers- who comes from a long line of undxed folks with Aspergers..........so yes, people with Aspergers can marry & flourish !

My oldest, who's 16, has Aspergers.He has progressed over the years. I think he would be further along if we had known about Aspergers when he was younger. As it turns out, son wasn't dxed until he was 13....In a way, son was lucky- being that his dad also had undexed Aspergers, his dad was actually very understanding about the way son thought....about the perseverations, black and white thinking. For quite some time, I felt singled out for thinking differently than them !

Son's tantrums have subsided. still has them, but not as often...still has difficulty making friends, still thinks black and white.

I believe things will get a lot better, if he is loved and encouraged. Things were tough for me in middle school, but great in high school and beyond.

Thanks ster & 9catmom for your feedback. It was helpful.

Guess only 2 posts means there can't be that many parents on here with late teenage/adult kids - maybe I should have asked for a wider range of feedback. Thanks again.

I just think one day at a time. I am not looking forward to the time when I have to think about that sort of thing.
Maybe you could put this in general so get a broader view especially from those teens/ adults who have already been through it.

Good point about general post - thanks.

My son was diagnosed at age 7 and is now 10. I always knew that his diagnosis came with gifts, but only now are they truly emerging and starting to give us confidence that they really will carry him as an adult, maybe even allow him true success.

Last night our school principal mentioned to me that she is pleased to see how much my son has matured. He blows her away.

Shoot, he blows everyone away.

He is getting good at letting us see and help him through the burdens, while shinning for the outside world. He is really proud of himself when he shines in the outside world. He loves the ego boost. Home is the safe place. As it should be, actually.

There are many miles to go before we will know if dreams can become reality. It's a long journey, and we can never take our eyes off the road. But so far, it's been really cool. I do believe we can see where we are going.

Best of luck to you and your amazing child!

I have two sons -- one was diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism. He is now 12. He was diagnosed at age 5. When HE was diagnosed, we realized that our other son (aged 14 at the time, now aged 21) would have DEFINITELY been diagnosed with Asperger's, had we known about it when he was young.

I was very depressed when our 12 year old was diagnosed, mostly because I didn't know what was coming in the years ahead. Now, 7 years later, I can see how much he has changed. He has gone from being very quiet and having many unusual interests to being relatively outgoing and having pretty much the same interests as other 12 year olds -- video games, music, friends. He is happy, and seems to be accomplishing what a typical 12 year old is accomplishing in school and out. He still has residual differences, in that he can't carry on a conversation very well in the lunch room (mostly because of noise and distractions), and he has a rough time remembering to do assignments. But his grades are good, he has friends, and he's happy.

The older boy, who was not as severely affected but had many more characteristics of Asperger's as a child -- narrow interests, unusual interests, toe-walking, hyperlexic, etc. -- had no help at all (because we were unaware of Asperger's back then), was very bright, but had a rough time socializing in elementary school. He developed a strong interest in music, which helped him socialize in middle and high school. He is a very happy and successful college student, with a steady girlfriend and many friends.

Both boys still have their social "differences", but they are doing amazingly well!

I can remember feeling such despair when my younger son was diagnosed, and I just wanted somebody to tell me that everything was going to be alright.

I truly believe, now, that with most kids on the spectrum, things turn out much better than you would have ever believed when you are in the first few years after diagnosis. If you've ever seen the kid on tv that was the "manager" for his high school basketball team, and they allowed him to take some shots during the last few minutes of the last game, and he made like 20 points in a few minutes -- and seen him interviewed since then, that boy is like a shining beacon to all parents that things DEFINITELY can turn out great for these kids.

Kris

In high school, something in my mind clicked on and the sense of not knowing what was going on around me went away. I was so lost and oblivious as a kid, but it got much better. I don't know about easier, but it got better. I even found my gang of merry misfits and had a social life.

And now at 22, I am engaged to be married. Life with AS is not easy, but the rewards and accomplishments are so much sweeter for it.

Oh, thanks everyone - I feel quite encouraged since the general consensus here seems to be that things improve. I find that just when I think my son is improving, he regresses with some very bad behaviour - sort of like two steps forward and then 1, 2 or 3 back! It's a bit like living life on a rollercoaster, but I think overall we are getting some improvement.

Annie, I like you because you sounded more like you were curious, rather than that you were depressed or lamenting the fact that your son is diagnosed, and I like that.


I was 14 when I was diagnosed and I was relieved I wasn't earlier because I might have felt like society was oppresing me if I'd had any behavioral treatment or anything. That can do a lot of damage to a kid. My mother's wierdness and discipline for wierd things and getting mad and shrieking just because I didn't dress totally normal occasionally but was completely satisfied with the way I dressed, was bad enough. Watch out for kids who get behavioral therapy. Make sure they know of all the freedoms in the world and all the things they are and/or will be allowed to do whether they get the behavioral therapy (or whatever it is) or not. Intervention always works best (and often way better, and often only) when the kid believes it was a choice he made, and knows that he wouldn't be physically forced into it if he didn't do it.

I'm new to the Forums. The Father to a son 22 with ADD/AS.

C. was identified as 'different' by a preschool teacher. A Child Pyschiatrist diagnosed ADD when C. was 5. We enrolled him in a public school pre-school program for special needs children and he continued in that program until 4th grade. Same kids, same contained classroom with a wonderful teacher and her aide. Always an IEP each year. Slow progress but by the end of 4th grade he 'tested out' of the contained classroom. He was mainstreamed into the regular grade at a different school (repeating the 4th grade at our request). From 4th to 6th grade he always had IEPs and special physical and speech therapy sessions, reduced homework assignments, etc. He rode special transportation from our home to the schools he attended from Pre-school to 5th grade.

During the pre-school to 5th grade years, he had private physical and speech therapy as well as limited therapy by the school system. He had trouble sleeping and we had to work with a child pyschologist to break the routine that C. and we had developed -- which meant about an hour ritual. About the time he was 8 or 9, we first heard the description of "Aspergers'. From the descriptions of the condition, it sure sounded like him. We thought that his inability to look us in the eye was ADD, not AS.

C. has an above average IQ and, like many with AS, he has super-focuses on some things. It changed over the years from Disneyland/Disney World to Ninga Turtles to video games. It might have been OCD-like, but he was always a voracious reader of whatever he was focused on.

He attended public middle school through grade 8 -- again with IEPs and very limited services. We'd always have to fight with the school pychologist to insist he get the services he needs. I would take a recorder to the IEP meetings -- and they would have to get out their recorder if I was going to record it. I pointed out that the (then new) Disability act required schools to provide the services -- it wasn't a matter of saying they didn't have the staff or the staff person didn't have enough time to serve our son. "Go out and hire more" was our demand.

For middle school (6-7-8), he was mainstreamed again with IEP. Middle school was going to be difficult - C. did not look forward to it -- but for an Aspie, change is never easy. It was always best to discuss what was coming up so there were no surprises.

During the middle-school years, the speech and physical therapy ended -- C. just didn't want to go anymore. We visited a few psychologists and psychiatrists. Most C. did not like and wouldn't work with for talk-therapy.

But facing the move from Middle School to a public 2,000 student High School was another traumatic time -- both for C. and his parents. Lots of crying, lots of acting out. We knew of a private school that specialized in only students with learning disabilities. We investigated it and thought it would really be great for C. Teacher - Student ratios of 1-9, teach methods that 'worked' for kids with ADD,

C. wanted NOTHING to do with New Way Learning Academy UNTIL he visited for a day. From then on, he wanted NOTHING to do with returning to public school. He was among people who understood ADD and AS and since each of the 30-40 kids in the HS program (125 students from K-12), he flourished. Very little homework -- which could usually be completed during a study hour.

Transportation was an issue - The school was about 15 miles from home and there was no transportation. Parents car-pooled. It was expensive ($15,000 a year).

He made friends among his classmates - both male and female. But it was not a 'dating' situation. A few of the students 'paired up' but they all pretty much 'hung out' together -- although there was a period when C. wasn't always included in the 'hang-outs' outside of school.

The school developed a curriculum that helped to prepare the students for the 'real world' -- including advocating for their disability. They had to understand what they had, be able to advocate for themselves as to the special help they would need at post-secondary schools and on future jobs. While C. was there, this program was just getting underway. C. hated the diagnosis of "Aspergers". I think primarily because one of his classmates was known for AS -- and C. didn't want to identify with him.

At about age 16, C. wanted to learn to drive. Others in HS were driving and two had their own vehicles to drive back and forth to school. I was doubtful -- the ADD just seemed like it wouldn't harmonize with the concentration needed to be a safe driver. But I worked with him teaching him driving and eventually allowing him to drive the car while I rode with him to HS and then picked him up in the PM when he would drive us both home. I enrolled him in a classroom-road experience driving class (Total of about 12 hours) He passed the drivers test and got a learners permit.

Finally he was on his own. I can't tell you how many times while he was out he would call me and ask me how to get to destination X. I had to find out where he was -- and he usually couldn't tell me. We got it down to the rule that if he was lost he had to pull into a strip mall or store parking area, look at the intersection signs and then call. Over the course of about 15 months of driving, C. was in 5 accidents -- from just a bump on the bumper ahead of him in a backed up freeway to totalling a PT Cruiser. He drove through a red light and T-boned a small pick up. A cop was waiting for the red light and C. drove around him to run the light. The air bag no doubt save his life. Driving on his own had ended. He still drives occassionally with me, but I can't afford to have him on the insurance (extra $1,000 a month!).

After graduating from New Way in May 2004, he applied for SS Disability but was turned down because he would not complete an employment history form (he had never worked.) Came to find out 2 years later that he didn't qualify for SS Disability because he had never worked. The first 2 years out of HS were spent taking a few classes at community colleges.

After a couple of years of occasional CC courses, he wanted to attend college. He did some Internet exploring (the new hyper-focus - Disney and Ninja Turtles were long passed) and located Beacon College of Florida. This is a four year liberal arts college that specializes in students with learning disabilities. Offering 2 and 4 year degrees. About 125 students, located about 60 minutes NW of Orlando. It was an ideal setup and he thrived for one semester there -- but it ended because my business failed and I could no longer afford the $15K / semester rate.

While SS Disability was turned down, he applied for SSI benefits just before he went to Beacon College. The intake person at SS said "That will be easy." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?," I said, incredulous. "He has Cerebral Palsy, it's a condition that automatically qualifies.". He got $603 a month -- for three months. Then he was notified that he was found ineligible. The reasons give were: 1) you are being treated for your disability and 2) just because you can't lift 50 pounds doesn't mean you couldn't find meaningful employment somewhere. We've been fighting this ruling now since Nov 2006. Have a hearing before a judget on Tuesday. Our argument -- 1) CP is untreatable and 2) NO ONE has ever tested C. to see how much he could lift, so where did those reasons come from??? He was diagnosed with CP at about age 5 and we had a pediatric neurologist at the Mayo Clinic confirm his CP in the summer of 2006.

As parents we always worried what kind of adult life C. would have -- could he be self-sufficient, live on his own, could he get a job?

Last fall, he got hired part-time at Best Buy -- his first ever job!! ! He had to go through three interviews. It's a perfect job for him -- the media department: CDs DVDs and Video Games. All of which are within his hyper-focus. The other employees there 'love him' -- as they tell me when I tell them who I am. Makes a Dad VERY PROUD.

Fast forward to Jan 2008. C. was accepted at Arizona State Univ. in Tempe AZ. I hope he's doing well. He won't say. We're living together in a small apt. He advocated for himself and got categorized with his disabilities so he could take tests on a PC (he can't do cursive because of fine-motor skills). I know he's missed a few classes. He rides public transportation to and from ASU and has only gotten lost once.

I hope C's story can bring hope to those with AS kids of younger years. As a dad, I'm still not certain about his self-sufficiency, but I continued to hope and pray.

Sorry if I've gone on too long.

Thanks for sharing C.'s story. It helps to hear of the progress over the years. Oh, and welcome to WP too. I'm sure you'll be able to give some good advice to all us parents who are going through the childhood years with our AS kids.

I'm 31 and am on the spectrum. I married my "soulmate" at age 20 and he is also on the spectrum. Something about us just "clicked" and we've always gotten along fabulously. We have 4 children. Our biological daughter is dxed with High functioning autism(she is so much like I was as a child that it is scary). Our other three kids are adopted(in the process of adopting the baby). You could kind of say that we turned special needs foster/adoption into an "obsession". LOL!

My hubby works from home and I don't work(I've got 4 kids, that's a LOT of work). We aren't social except with family, we are a little obsessive with our interests, and life is not easy, but we certainly have a lot of fun. With 4 kids with "special needs", we seem to be stretched pretty thin sometimes, but somehow we make it work and maintain our sanity(for the most part). I have a lot of anxiety out in public and with driving, so we have made accomodations in our lives that allow us to not go out often and for me to rarely drive. We live across the street from the kids' school, we have our groceries delivered most of the time. We're serious homebodies, but we like it that way.

It is possible for aspies to life a very fulfilling life. It ispossible for them to find love, happiness, and have a "normal" family. I find the biggest progress that I've made is finally accepting who I am and not trying to fight and become NT and be more social, etc. I fought it for so long and I just didn't understand other people and I always felt forced into socializing. Since I've given up trying to change who I am, I'm much happier just being me.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post, but here I am. I'm no parent, but I am an adult with PDD NOS.

Some ways my life is encouraging and some ways not...

I'm still not able to live independently but we are hoping the SSI results from the final hearing turn out in our favor.

I still face the tantrums, but only when I am extremely stressed. Most of the time I can find better ways of managing my stress in more socially acceptable manners.

I've developed an ability to know myself and introspect upon my feelings, perceptions and try to put my anxiety attacks and experiences into words. This comes at a great cost though...

That cost is not being taken seriously. People perceive me as lazy, immature unmotivated, faking autism and whatnot... I have to explain intelligence has nothing to do with my autism and my hang-ups. What you get is someone able to analyze and describe a meltdown rather than being able to find a way to resolve that attack at that moment. It kind of sucks really...

I can't fake being NT. I've tried but fall flat on my face on occasions. But at the same time not perceived to be disabled enough to get many of the services given to LFA autistics... To get those services I have to really protest and proclaim my disability and downplay my ability to write out my feelings, etc... People seem to think I can think my way through any situation and anxiety... That isn't true...

I'm really hoping for big changes for the adult autism population. I have dreams but I have a hard time reaching them. One of them is to get a book series published. I take my life one day at a time and try not to worry about the future too much...

Thanks for the posts MJIthewrite and Jennyfoo! Everyone is welcome to participate. The more who do, the greater the outlook and the better understanding for Aspies!

Maybe someone could post a link to this topic over in the General Forum?