Everything you ever wanted to know about homeschooling

Post Reply New Topic

This is not a thread on homeschooling vs. public school -that's been done here (and probably will be again) I just have to get this off my chest and then I can get on with my life.

This is for anyone who has the wrong impression of homeschooling not for someone who disagrees with it -but most likely those will be one and the same people. Everyone has and is entitled to their opinion but to have an uninformed opinion is a tragic practice that needs to be stopped immediately. We hate it when people look at our AS kids and stereotype them don't we? So why are homeschoolers fair game?

I am a 3rd year homeschooler and confess I have said the words "I would never do that in a million years" but here a million years has passed and I am homeschooling my 11 year old son.

I confess I had a stereotyped image of a homeschooling family in my head since I had been in Catholic schools and then public universities all my life - I knew nothing else. I believed they were all religious fanatics who shunned society, didn't own televisions, the women wore dresses and never cut their hair, shunned worldly things and sat inside their home and memorized BIble verses. Now, I have probably offended some homeschooling family that does do it that way.

Since I dwell in the US I can only speak of homeschooling in my Midwestern state of Illinois.

Homeschoolers cannot be categorized, stereotyped or labeled anymore than kids on the spectrum can be. There are a wide range of reason why people choose to do it and an even wider range of homeschooling methods.

My son has access to about 5 or 6 different co-ops in this town where he can take classes on any subject you can imagine. We tried one the first year - it was too much like "school" (sitting at a desk and having someone lecture to you) and he hated it. My son can learn most things by reading them in a book. We can take classes at 2 local museums - upcoming classes he is enrolled in are on crustacesans and metamorphisis. We can swim at a local pool (something he would never get in public school) every day of the week if we want. We can attend any field trip that the public schools arrange for their students - and we do. We can bowl weekly with other homeschoolers. We can go on a field trip (if we can afford it) to visit the world class museums in Chicago.

My son has been able to study subjects he would never get the chance to in public school. He has studied Nikola Tesla (who?), the history of the banking industry, the US constitution (something you don't get until high school), the Supreme Court, etc.

I will find any book, curriculum or DVD ( within financial reason) that my son can learn from and will enjoy. Then we re-sell them and get some more.

I can take my son to public places all the time- banks, stores, restaurants, etc. so he can order his own food, deposit his own money and have real life experiences and learn the "social rules" -something he desperately needs since he's on the spectrum. He can't learn that sitting in a desk for 6 hours surrounded by mean kids who will bully, berate and ignore him. How will he learn to socialize if he is ignored???- which is something I believe a lot of spectrum kids experience.

My hope is that anyone with a previous negative stereotyped view of homeschooling will at least open their mind enough to allow some new information to sink in - You may never agree with homeschooling (that is not the point) but at least you will have the facts - not warped, out dated impressions.

I have some questions. I have always really liked the idea of homeschooling, and each year we weigh the pros and cons of home vs. public, but have chosen public so far (my boys will be starting grade 3 soon).

The biggest concern for me is the fact that I worry about my own ability to provide enough social opportunities. I am not a very social person. I hate groups, and am very clumsy at trying to make friends with other moms. I am afraid that despite my best intentions, my boys would end up socially isolated, because that is my natural tendency (and their father's). Being involved in all the home school groups, potlucks etc. would be really miserable for me, but having no friends/social opportunities would be miserable and unhealthy for my boys. So how do parents with AS or lots of AS traits manage to give their children enough social opportunities when they homeschool? I also worry about my own lack of organizational skills and focus(ADD).

Another concern is the cost. Do all of the classes, swimming lessons etc. cost money? I know there are some free or reduced cost activities for homeschoolers here, but many still must be paid for. Do you find that the classes, supplies etc. are expensive? My sons receive free speech therapy, social skills group and some OT through the school, which we would have to pay for if we homeschooled. How does the financial cost of homeschooling add up?

And how about University entrance requirements, is it difficult for home schooled kids to get into good universities or colleges? We are in Canada, and I realize this may be different for here and in the US.

Thanks for starting this thread Rachel46. I am very curious about homeschooling, and I guess the biggest stereotype in my head about it, is the one about homeschooled kids having poor social skills, because they spend too much time at home with their mums and not with their peers. All of the social stuff at school was very difficult for me, with junior and high school being particularly miserable (grades 7-12), but it was almost like a social skills boot camp. I learned how people act, especially in groups. I learned how I was expected to act, and about social hierarchies, body language, importance of appearance etc. So it sucked, but I learned how to "play the game", which has helped me a lot in jobs etc. later on. Without that intense social learning, won't a child with AS become an adult who is at even more of a social disadvantage?

In the US services can sometimes still be provided through the school district even if you homeschool - I don't know how it works in Canada. My son was too high functioning to receive any services through school so he currently receives no outside services.

What do you mean by socially isolated? Do you kids have friends at school or are they "just with" but not really a part of the 25 other (like my son was in public school )in their class? Just being with other kids will not make your kids socially competent -it doesn't just rub off the other kids on to yours.

Do you think if you homeschooled you and the kids would never leave the house? That's probably not good, but if you leave the house sometimes what's wrong with that? I am not an overly social person either but have manage to meet a few people and one wonderful woman who has become a friend and also has a son the same age as mine. We do many things with them and she introduces me to her friends. Homeschooling can be as social or unsocial as you want it to be. My son is quite happy doing social things every once in awhile, but his social need is filled up pretty quickly and then he HAS to be alone -so do I. No one says you HAVE to belong to any homeschool organization that would make you feel uncomfortable.

It doesn't have to cost a lot of money to homeschool. THere are many curriculum companies that want to make you think that you need a $200 curriculum to teach your kid history when you can go to the library and get the same or even better books for free. I use anything free I can get my hands on and belong to a book swap website where I have received tons of great books that my son has used. Homeschooling activities are usually at a reduced price and you just pick and choose what you can afford and you become very good at weeding out what you want and what is really important.

No one says a homeschooler has to be organized. Not all teachers are organized!

I have to disagree on the intense social learning aspect of middle/high school. I hated high school with every fiber of my being. I disagree that my kid should have to endure "boot camp" to learn how to act in society. There are so many other avenues where my son can learn how to behave socially. I would argue that high school teaches you that popular, talented, good-looking kids are the winners and others are the losers. Of course, there are exceptions and some AS kids can do fine in school _ I just know my son would be damaged more than helped by being put through the humiliation of being the "weird, geeky" kid.
You say you learned how to "play the game" by going through that experience and yet you still struggle to make friends? So was it worth it? My son can learn how to "play the game" in the work world when he is older and is ready to do that - I don't see how being miserable in high school will help in that regard.

If public school is working for your boys -wonderful! Why have you thought about homeschooling?

My sons do receive services, and will receive more support this year now that we have the official AS diagnosis (+ADHD, GAD).


My sons each seem to be developing friendships with 1 or 2 kids in their classes (playing together at recess, being invited over for playdates after school). The school purposely arranged it so that they would each be with those particular children again next year, so I do have hopes that they will be participating in social interactions, not just on the outskirts observing. This past year the teachers went above and beyond to help facilitate my sons social learning, and really stressed inclusivity with the class in general. It seems to really have helped. By socially isolated, I mean that I have a tendency to cut myself off socially. I get really involved in whatever project I'm working on at the time, and just kind of forget about people. I have a few close friends who are willing to make an extra effort on my behalf and don't get offended if they don't hear from me often (which I am grateful for), but although this suits me, I don't think it would be healthy for my sons. None of my friends have kids, my children don't have any cousins yet and the neighbours are no longer suitable playmates, so we have to create social opportunities for them with peers, because they don't happen naturally for us. With public school this happens automatically, and with home schooling I would have to orchestrate it. I worry that over time I wouldn't be able to do a good job of it.


Yes, I do worry that I wouldn't leave the house. But that's my own problem, not a problem with homeschooling in general (just to be clear, I am not criticizing homeschooling. I think it is a great option. I am just curious as to how people work around the areas that I see as potential problems for myself, if I was to homeschool). My sons do have a desire to be around other kids their age, even though they find it tricky and exhausting. I guess it would just be a matter of finding a balance that worked reasonably well for all of us, and forcing myself to keep up with my end of the bargain.


Good to know.


That is true.


I am still "clumsy" at making friends (and I'm sure always will be), but I can be very good at making casual acquaintances, making chitchat, presenting myself to make the desired impression etc. I do think that understanding social hierarchies, herd mentality etc. has helped me. Some of the biggest bullies I've ever encountered were in the workplace, not school and I was prepared. Learning how to read different types of people (aka street smarts) has been very useful and I definitely learned a lot of that at school. I'm not saying it can't be learned elsewhere, and I'm sure there are kinder, gentler ways of learning it than I experienced. I just wonder where and when my sons would get all of the necessary people experience, if we homeschooled. But I think your point about learning it later is a good one. With the maturity of an adult, learning people skills might be a whole lot less stressful.


Public school has been working for my sons so far, but I have little faith in its ability to continue to do so as they grow older. Every year it feels like a bit of a gamble...will they get a good teacher? will the differences between them and the other children start to cause them to be excluded or bullied? will they be able to learn anything given the sensory assault that is a classroom? So far excellent teachers (except 1 for a few months), good rapport with classmates and skills coming along reasonably well, but I have a feeling that grade 3 will be the year that really makes or breaks their public school experience.
My sons also have anaphylactic allergies which add a whole separate layer to how complicated/dangerous school can be for them (so far the school has done an excellent job with this, but it is certainly stressful).
And last, but most importantly...I have seen a beautiful change in one of my son's behaviour over this summer. He was constantly surly, ill, and having meltdowns or refusing to talk for hours at a time towards the end of the school year. Seeing him under such stress was heartbreaking. Over the summer our bright, cheerful, calm , reasonable, funny, fun little boy has returned. The change has been remarkable. This same son insists that he wants to go to school. He says he loves his friends, recess and phys. ed, and wants to be there, but he finds all the sensory stuff really overwhelming and it grinds him down over the school year. There will be many more accommodations in place for him this year now that we have a diagnosis, so hopefully that will make things easier for him. But like I said, I think this will be the make or break year for us and public school...

Sorry this is so long. Just something that has been on my mind a lot for the past couple of months. Thanks for answering my questions.

3rd grade was the one that "broke" our ps experience. Kids got less tolerant of my son's quirkiness (however minimal it really was) and it was more important to be seen with the "popular or cool" kids. When they're little they usually don't notice that but as they get older "different' is something to be avoided like the plague.

My son also experienced unbelievable stress- he would get off the bus just a wreck-the poor kid. He sleeps better, has less anxiety and is just able to cope with life better.

Good Luck with your kids!

I think you've hit one an important consideration for AS kids: some simply cannot handle the sensory environment that is public school. It can be mitigated, but only so far. What you will have to see is if that will be far enough. For my son, it is. For another child I know, it wasn't. Same school, different answer. The other child is now being homeschooled but with two siblings still in the school and homeschool written into his IEP, he is still well connected to the school and sometimes can engage in his favorite parts.

My son loves school because he somes to learn, school is very structured (I am not) and he is actually drawn towards sensory stimulation, even though too much stresses him. Over the years he has learned to mitigate his own sensory issues and, so, as a result, the difference between summer and the school year have lessened, but I had often noted just what you have seen: a child who thrives in the summer. I didn't really see it this summer, most likely because he's pretty much done all the summer camp programs that interest him more than once, and on the fourth go around it just isn't interesting anymore but, overall, time where a child learns what they want to learn and not all the subjects that bore them is good time (my son needs to have a place to go every day, it's part of the routine he's adjusted to, and I do work part time, so summer has always included a nice variety of science, acting, and nature camps.)

ANYWAY, it's good to sit back and see if you can figure out what the difference between the school year and the summer tells you about your child's needs, sensory issues, etc. Knowing what will work best is always a puzzle, but the more clues, the better.

Third grade, btw, was great for my son, but that is also the year the other child we know pulled out for homeschooling. My son actually lucked out in third, being placed in a 3/4 combo class with a teacher who I am sure is Aspie, who loves to delve into details about how language evolved, history, science ... So far, public school has been great for us, but I always read these threads because I need to stay prepared, it may not always be the case, and getting comfortable with the alternatives seems important as a result.

Interesting because in our school, this was about the age I started to see a change in other kids, increasing tolerance. But that is something our school actively teaches, so I consider it a gift, not the norm. Still, third grade was the year that "broke" it for my friend's son, largely because the kids ARE so tolerant. Sounds odd, eh? Well, the kids became too eager to be with him. When he started to overload, they wanted to help him. He couldn't escape to the anti-room to be alone, because some sympathetic friend kept trying to follow him. It's lovely, but totally unhelpful, and the boy's mom told me all this with a smile on her face while shaking her head, but the truth is, it didn't change the result. So it seems like it all relates more to where our kids are in their own development than where the other kids are. It's a difficult year acedemically, where concepts get more abstract, and expectations are much higher, which creates a lot more internal stress.

How great that your child loves school and has tolerant kids that like him. I pray all the time that my son will find that wherever he goes. My son was ready and willing to be friends with kids but there was a group of very mean, clickish kids in his grade that sort of "ruled the roost" and the school had a horrible prinicpal (who is no longer there) and there was talk of no-bullying policy, etc. but in actuality they did nothing.

It really makes me happy to hear stories of AS kids thriving and happy in public school.

Sigh...I can't believe the "cool kid" thing starts in grade 3! My sons are soooo not ready for that. They are still both just working on social basics. Our school also has strong anti-bullying policies and actively teaches the kids to be tolerant and inclusive, so hopefully things will continue to go OK for them socially.

I worry about that shift to more advanced academics too. With the sensory stuff being so overwhelming for them, school is a very, very difficult place for them to learn (seems ironic, doesn't it?). Anyway, I guess we'll see how it goes.

I feel similar, about familiarizing myself with the alternatives to public school. I'm really glad that we have the option of homeschool available to us. Each year we try to take stock of our sons' needs and weigh all the pros and cons in our own particular situation, and make the best decision we can. I feel very fortunate to have choice (and access to a very good public school).


That sounds a little like my son. It's almost as if the better things go for him socially (or just the more social he participates in good or bad) the more overloaded he gets.