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anna-banana
indifferent peapod
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 5367
Location: Europe
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 Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:42 am Post subject: What's up with AS girls marrying so early...? |
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ok it's not that I disapprove, I'm just trying to understand it- why do so many of you get married so early?
there's plenty of aspie girls on this forum who are 18-24 and are already married. I don't know, for me it's something so big that I don't think I'll ever be mature enough emotionally for taking this step.
so what makes you guys do it?
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kittenmeow
Deinonychus
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Joined: Nov 19, 2008
Posts: 310
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:47 am Post subject: |
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what?
Sorry but I don't see the correlation. |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 6251
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:48 am Post subject: |
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Just guessing:"I'm lonely."
"I was pregnant."
"Rebellion. My parents said 'No'."
"He was the only one to say he loved me."
"My grades weren't good enough for college."
"Everybody needs somebody."
"Everybody pressured me into it."
"I woke up one morning and found out I was married."
"My parents kicked me out, and it was the only way to have a place to live."
"I really love the jerk I'm married to." 
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Detren
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 08, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 449
Location: in the connection between the ansibles
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not diagnosed, and would only be very mild if I do have AS. My 8 year old has been diagnosed and I see myself in him a lot. That said:
The reason I got married early:
1. From the age of about 11 or 12 I had decided that what I wanted to be in life was a wife and a mother.
2. I could see myself with this person indefinitely, and understood that relationships take work and was willing to work at it.
3. He said that he loved me and wanted the things I wanted. (I believe love is a choice. A choice of accepting a person because of who they are despite and even encompassing their faults, and I chose to love this person no matter what and was willing to commit before God.)
4. We had been "going out" since middle school and it only seemed natural. (perhaps this is part of the loyal to a fault thing i have going on.)
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All that aside, 4 kids later and a divorce in progress, I think that the main reason for all of this is that he wasn't really ready to commit. We were married 9.5 years and if the divorce doesn't happen until February then it will be 10 years.
I don't know that he ever took the time to know me, he actually confided that he thought I was perfect until recently.
Together about 16 years. I am 30 now, and married at 20.
About the I was pregnant thing, people think I was and some believe it's the reason we got married, but my first was a honeymoon child. People do think that of me but it's not true.
I feel like I belong in a different era in my family views and never even occupied the thought of divorce until he left. |
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Apatura
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 25, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 1398
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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| From the time I was young I really just wanted to be a mother, and, at the time I got married, I was facing the prospect of moving back in with my parents. Not the best reason, but I am still in a much safer situation than if I were living with my parents. I got married right after my 23rd bday. |
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anna-banana
indifferent peapod
Joined: Aug 31, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 5367
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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| kittenmeow wrote: | what?
Sorry but I don't see the correlation. |
well maybe after you've been here a bit longer you'll see what I mean.
I'm not saying it's abnormal, it's just very unusual in our times and hence my interest in the topic.
edit- not to mention the typical aspie emotional immaturity that, at least in theory, should act as hindrance to such commitment.
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missboots
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 16, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 232
Location: Las Vegas, NV
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I've been with my fiance since I was 16, with a couple of bumps in the road and a child together. He asked me and it feels right. |
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Ishmael
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 08, 2008
Posts: 1310
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:29 pm Post subject: |
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Early? What the hell...?
How is eighteen or older "early"? What does arbitrary chronology have to do with anything?
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zghost
oh hi there
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Posts: 1474
Location: Southeast Texas
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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I was 20 the first time, but we'd been together a few years.
Why? I was young and stupid I guess, I shouldn't have done it.
(Not saying that everyone young is stupid, just that I was.)
My NT cousins both also got married at 20. All of us got divorced: One after 6 months, one after 1 1/2 years, and me after 7 years.
Guess I didn't know when to bail, either. |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 6251
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Ishmael wrote: | Early? What the hell...?
How is eighteen or older "early"? What does arbitrary chronology have to do with anything? |
Well, I suppose that if an 18-year old woman has nothing else going for her (no chance at college, can't meet requirements for military enlistment, has neither the ambition nor skills for regular employment, et cetera), then she can either drift along on her own, live with her parents or friends, or get married.
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Anemone
Unicorn
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 1329
Location: gone hiking
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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Not me. So far I've never been in a relationship that survived fall hibernation season.
But I think it's possible that autistic women are less likely to want to play the field than non-autistic women when they're young. So if they're in a relationship, they tend to want to keep it.
I've noticed a lot of young married women here, too. It does seem odd. And if the relationship works out, I'm jealous. |
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Spokane_Girl
There's no crying in baseball
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 8642
Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon)
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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I am 23 and not married yet. I am getting married because I finally found the right guy and we have been together for over a year. We planned to marry two years after we have met.
I used to not see the point in marriage but now I do. You get a tax break and your spouse can put you on his health insurance, you just get more benefits when you are married.
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I like the high ones |
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Magnus
Helmsman
Joined: Jul 25, 2008
Posts: 1970
Location: Claremont, California
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:07 pm Post subject: |
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I was married at 24 after a 3 month courtship. We knew each other for a little over a year before we dated. I figured that marriage is all about work.
You have to work through things.
Ever since I was 11, I had boyfriends and each one I was madly in love with and we promised to marry each other. Then after a couple of years I would lose interest. I figured it was a chemical reaction and love was silly. I got married because I didn't want to date anymore and I really wanted a stable, and normal life. I needed someone to normalize me.
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Apatura
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 25, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 1398
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Fnord wrote: |
Well, I suppose that if an 18-year old woman has nothing else going for her (no chance at college, can't meet requirements for military enlistment, has neither the ambition nor skills for regular employment, et cetera), then she can either drift along on her own, live with her parents or friends, or get married. |
Being married does not exclude employment, military, college. etc.. One could argue that having very young children might exclude those things or make them difficult, but not marriage in and of itself. |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 6251
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Apatura wrote: | | Fnord wrote: |
Well, I suppose that if an 18-year old woman has nothing else going for her (no chance at college, can't meet requirements for military enlistment, has neither the ambition nor skills for regular employment, et cetera), then she can either drift along on her own, live with her parents or friends, or get married. |
Being married does not exclude employment, military, college. etc.. One could argue that having very young children might exclude those things or make them difficult, but not marriage in and of itself. |
My point is that for some 18-year old women, their only option for a secure future is marriage. Unfortunately, for a woman with no other options, her choices among available men may be limited to alcoholics, jerks, and philanderers.
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