What's up with AS girls marrying so early...?

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LePetitPrince
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25 Nov 2008, 4:49 pm

anna-banana wrote:
in some Arab countires all you have to do is say "I divorce you" three times.


it's a Muslim thing....not an Arab thing, not all Arabs are Muslims.

And oh ..only the guy has that ultimate divorce privilege. it's not that easy for the gal because she needs to justify the divorce request for the Shariaa council.



LePetitPrince
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25 Nov 2008, 4:52 pm

anna-banana wrote:
ok it's not that I disapprove, I'm just trying to understand it- why do so many of you get married so early?

there's plenty of aspie girls on this forum who are 18-24 and are already married. I don't know, for me it's something so big that I don't think I'll ever be mature enough emotionally for taking this step.

so what makes you guys do it?


All studies show that autism and asperger is much more frequent among guys yet half of aspies on WP are females ......soooooooo.....go figure. :roll:



Chibi_Neko
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26 Nov 2008, 1:03 pm

I was a month away from turning 26 when I got married


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ThatRedHairedGrrl
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27 Nov 2008, 9:58 am

Well...perhaps a warning...

I married at 21, and for me, it was too young. Two main things I can think of, looking back. One, I'd been brainwashed from an early age to believe that you were worth nothing as a woman if you couldn't make a man want to marry you. Two, living with my parents was hellish and I think I married just to get away from them. (Also, would have lived together first - and probably wouldn't have married him if I had! - but his strict Catholic mother wasn't having that.)

Long story, but basically he was a mommy's boy who wanted me to do all she'd done for him, with benefits, and not expect him to contribute anything in return. I stuck it out for six years before I finally left him for good, and he divorced me two years later on grounds of separation (he was not going to let me make it look like it was his fault, even if it was).

I remarried in my early 30s, and have been married 8 years and counting. Triumph of hope over experience, as they say.

I have known the occasional couple who married very young and have made a go of it, but they're rare. I don't know about Aspie women, but a lot of the women I know who marry (and have kids) very young have husbands involved in the military, which I suppose makes some kind of sense, if your spouse is likely to be posted into a war zone and you don't know if you may never see them again...


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AmberEyes
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28 Nov 2008, 2:26 pm

I'm not getting married.

I've explicitly been told not to.

It's too expensive and too much hassle.
It would take a superhuman to have patience with me.

I couldn't do the ceremony/party or wear any of the stupid clothing even if I wanted to.

Not only that I've got all sorts of genetic baggage that I don't really want to pass on including extreme short sightedness.

I think the world's too confusing and dangerous to bring kids into these days anyway.



anna-banana
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28 Nov 2008, 10:28 pm

AmberEyes wrote:
I'm not getting married.

I've explicitly been told not to.

It's too expensive and too much hassle.
It would take a superhuman to have patience with me.

I couldn't do the ceremony/party or wear any of the stupid clothing even if I wanted to.

Not only that I've got all sorts of genetic baggage that I don't really want to pass on including extreme short sightedness.

I think the world's too confusing and dangerous to bring kids into these days anyway.


well, actually bearing children is a whole different issue...

also, is the fact that you've been "explicitly told not to" hold any value for you?

cause I've been "explicitly told TO" and the more it made me reconsider it each time such possibility occured...


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MissDuckbutt
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07 Dec 2008, 5:40 pm

Aurore wrote:
I'm doing it because I love him, I'm attracted to him on an emotional level, we've been best friends for half our lives and we've been together for four years (going on five). I don't feel natural around anyone else. And he is a bit of a social recluse as well, so we get to be hermits together :lol:



And that is always the best reason!


At least we're not like the chicks on Maury that have babies and have sleep with 67 men by age 16!



claire-333
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07 Dec 2008, 9:09 pm

Fnord wrote:
"I really love the jerk I'm married to."
This one pretty much sums it up for me. I married at 19. My hubby and I took the time to be friends first and dated for three months before we ever even kissed. I recommend it for everyone.



outlier
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08 Dec 2008, 5:30 am

I don't understand marriage and haven't from an early age. There are few (everyday) ideas I despise the thought of applying to my life as much as marriage. Even loving someone could not get me to understand it. It probably means missing out on something that, under the right circumstances, can be amazing.



Samara
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08 Dec 2008, 6:15 am

There are just as many children living with defacto parents as there are married and both are equally as happy. Marriage is just a certicate, piece of paper. It doesnt equate happiness and not of that for children, statistically speaking.



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08 Dec 2008, 10:24 am

I've been married to my husband for almost 11 yrs, and we've been living together for almost 12. We moved in together when I was 18, married when I was 19. Before I had met him I didn't want to get married (or have children for that matter...ever). I didn't see any reason to do any of that, none of it appealed to me at all. I think it has more to do with meeting someone who compliments you well, whether that's at age 18, or 48. I think I just lucked out when I met my husband.

When he asked me to marry him, I told him that I had to think about it. I thought about it, and told him that he's the only person that I've ever met in my entire life that I could spend everyday with for long periods of time, and not feel like I needed to get away from him like a feral cat. For me, this was love. I don't think he took it as the compliment that it truly was, though!



Ana54
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10 Dec 2008, 12:48 pm

My boyfriend Jack (adverb on here) says that the reason so many AS girls on here are married is because there are just as many who aren't, but the ones who aren't are out working and have no time to spend on WP while the ones who are stay home on WP more often because they're being supported by their husbands.



anna-banana
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10 Dec 2008, 1:55 pm

Ana54 wrote:
My boyfriend Jack (adverb on here) says that the reason so many AS girls on here are married is because there are just as many who aren't, but the ones who aren't are out working and have no time to spend on WP while the ones who are stay home on WP more often because they're being supported by their husbands.


isn't that a bit 1950's?

I mean, what married women stay home nowdays? :roll:


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tweety_fan
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11 Dec 2008, 2:13 am

i am 23 and not married. probably never will get married.



ValleyBridetoBe
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08 Jan 2009, 11:12 pm

I had decided I would never get married or have kids, and didn't even want a boyfriend. When I met my now fiance, everything changed. We are Christians and that is why we want to get married. We'll both be 23. I always thought I'd be younger than that getting married though.



ford_prefects_kid
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10 Jan 2009, 1:40 pm

anna-banana wrote:
Ana54 wrote:
My boyfriend Jack (adverb on here) says that the reason so many AS girls on here are married is because there are just as many who aren't, but the ones who aren't are out working and have no time to spend on WP while the ones who are stay home on WP more often because they're being supported by their husbands.


isn't that a bit 1950's?

I mean, what married women stay home nowdays? :roll:


Not if younger girls marry slightly older men who can support them as a way to escape from their home, parents, and society. "Love" presents the most attractive form of escape from coping with all these social issues that are harder for aspie women. A man who loves you and will "take you away" can seem like an easy way out, I'd imagine.

Note: I'm not trying to bash on anyone here, there are exceptions to everything, but it just seems logical to surmise that this might be a common occurence. Personally, I don't even want to accept an engagement offer until I have a means of supporting myself as an independent and a reasonable idea of what I want to do in life and how I want to accomplish it.

As a young female I've always been mature for my age in many ways, but independence is certainly not one of them- and I'm aware that I need to grow in this area before I can commit like that.