Is this spoilt of aspergers im at a loss

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my son today was trapping me with the heater, he has pushed his sister and punched the dog, its not all malicious as my nt daughter sees the dog as a toy - they do not get away with mistreating our dog. I lost my temper and kicked my sons lego creation, he went absolutely mental, punching and headbutting and sobbing. I feel so awful, I love him so much and lately we have had a really good realationship. He has recently started meds and they seemed to really be helping him, would it stop working so soon, I have another special needs mum at my ds school who said this may happen, I have really enjoyed my little boy without his adhd, he has not been withdrawn, loss of appetite at all which I was scared of, just a very loving kind boy who still has his autism but I can cope with that. I would rather not have comments off people who are against meds. Its just all going wrong, just small things, the boiler broke on the first day we have had snow since I can remember, my dad has been diagnosed with angina and keeps getting chest pains even when he is not exercising and my boy is getting hyper and out of control again.

sorry for posting here, whenever I feel like im getting to grips it all falls apart. I love him more than anything, its just hard.

I know you don't let them get away with mistreating the dog but you have to make absolutely sure that your boy does not punch the dog again. What if the dog defends it's self - it's a 'saint' not to have done with getting punched even once...You have to do everything possible to prevent that from happening ever again because if the dog bites your boy then most likely it will be put to sleep through no fault of it's own and obviously your boy could be seriously hurt.

Sok to get frustrated. I’m sure he’s not happy about the destruction of his creation, but he can rebuild it. He can make it stronger.

Back before people knew what Asperger’s was, some of us got spankings for having meltdowns. I’m sure your son is better off than that.

He's probably feeling the same stress you are, but not really old enough/ mature enough to realize what it is. Plus you are stressed which is stressing him out more which is stressing you out more.

Make sure to have a talk with him about not hurting the house pet.

I'd probably apologize for knocking his legos down and ask if there was anything that I could do to help him build it back up, suggest that together you might be able to make it even bigger.

Most likely it's just all the stress going around. Take time to just spend with the kids and let yourself destress with them by doing things that they like to do, and you don't mind doing.

I think the last poster nailed it. It sounds like there is a lot of stress in your family, and your son IS going to be affected by it. AS kids have difficulty handling life, much less stress, so he's going to have meltdowns. Keep the guidelines clear; no exceptions. And that includes for yourself.

I've been known to put my kids and myself in time out for inappropriate displays of anger or frustration. The secret I will never tell my kids is that I actually enjoy being in time out. But, it's important, I think, for kids - especially AS kids with their extreme sense of logic - to understand that rules are made for a good reason, and that they apply to everyone, mom and dad are no exception; while also understanding that mom and dad may be more experienced but aren't perfect.

Mumto2,

You might be feeling a bit "down" at the moment but I can tell from your post that you're a good mum.

None of us are perfect parents and it's ok to snap sometimes provided that you don't do damage to your family. Kicking a stack of lego's over is just your stressed reaction and your son will understand. Especially if you can find the time to sit down and rebuild with him.

It sounds like you're stressed so organise with your partner or friends to get the kids minded and get some alone time or some husband/wife time. I think you need it.

Your family sounds stressed too... A holiday would be a good idea - if one is possible... even a weekend away.

You didn't specify the meds, so I'll assume it's ritalin (since that's the most common - and it fits the side-effects you mentioned). There's a "coming down" off the medication effect which can irritate the child and spur them into more hyperactive activity. It should settle into routine after a couple of weeks of continuous use.

Re: the pet... we have the same problems. Have a look at this picture. This is what our 5 year old son (with high functioning autism) did to our dog by putting an elastic band on her for a week.



If you're feeling particularly depressed, you could have a wander through my personal blog (it's different to my aspie blog - in my footer - because it talks about day-to-day life). My kids aged 5 and 8 are mostly happy but they do have meltdowns and other problems. You're not alone.

http://gbollard.blogspot.com/

every family has stress.....some days are good, some bad- don't beat yourself up for having a bad time.....having said that, he will react to the stress within the family. it's been hard to keep our household stress to a minimum- i feel guilty when the stressors of living with 5 other people are just too much for me. i find that spending some time alone-even 15 minutes- can help me to refocus and be able to handle our chaotic household. hang in there

I'm concerned about the dog. You have your son punching the dog, and then go on to say it's not malicious because your NT daughter sees the dog as a toy.

Animals are not toys.

I would suggest you remove the dog from your house, and take it to the pound where it hopefully will find a loving family, that won't mistreat it, or disregard it as a thing rather than a being.

I am done with my now.

I can't see that picture.

But your dog had an elastic band on it for a WEEK???? Why for a week?? did no one notice it?? I don't want to p!ss anyone off but that is just wrong. If people can't stop these things happening to the pets then please consider having the pet go to a different home because it's not fair on them.

violet_yoshu, I agree about the nt daughter also.

Thanks for the helpful replies. Im going to do the time out thing for all of us as suggested, that sounds like a good idea. Thinking about things rationally he is picking up on my stress and me snapping at him because of my stress is making him worse, mental note that from today I am going to go to another room if I feel like it again until I know I can go back to him and be calm, hence he will probably be calmer. The dog is not a battered dog to those concerned, kids will be kids and we are teaching them how to behave around animals and what is and what is not acceptable, they have to learn that. The dog (puppy actually) follows them everywhere and adores them so I dont think its an unhappy one.

I really appreciate the kind replies, kind regards R

Thanks for your reply. Yes it is ritalin and you have probably hit the nail on the head about the after effects of it. Im goint to sit down with a coffee in a bit and look at your blog. Cheers for that.

Dogs will also be dogs and they have sharp teeth. It's just something really important to focus on before a problem arises. Maybe when you have to walk the dog, take the dog to the park with your boy for some quality time together and choose a good time just to chat about the puppy and what happened.

If you follow my family blog, you'll find the picture there.

And no.. we didn't notice it.

The thing is that the elastic band was hidden under her fur. We think that the elastic band was delivered with a junk-mail newspaper that we get. We don't ask for the paper, we don't read it, it just goes in the recycle bin. Out 5 year old had apparently been caught and severely told off for trying to put an elastic band around her (the dog's) head. I wasn't aware of that incident. Anyway, I was petting the dog and found a lump. Now... I leave the house at 6am and don't return until 7.30pm. My wife is busy with the kids most of the day so if the dog doesn't yelp, we don't know that there's anything wrong.

We've now moved the dog offsite for a while until we get back to our normal house and some calm settles over our household. Hopefully this will jolt our 5 year old.

It's all very well to suggest that we lose the dog but to be realistic, this is an 8.5 year old dog, and our eldest child is 8. We had the dog first, we're attached to it. How would you think we could discipline our children to not hurt the dog? If we gave the dog up, you know that it would be put down. How exactly is this helping?

Pets get hurt. I know that I hurt my dog during tempers when I was little. I still feel bad about having hurt it since it was my best friend. I didn't do any permanent damage (neither did my kids to my dog). My dog lived for 18 years and I've never had a better friend since. (sorry to my wife and kids ... but dog-friends are forever). Do you really think it would be fair - or better for the dog (or for me) if we hadn't been together?

My kids love their dog. They're not putting elastic bands on it to hurt it. It's no different from a little girl putting a dress on a dog - except that an elastic band is inherently more dangerous.

[Gavin]

Ok, I wasn't going to reply but as you mentioned reading your blog I went to look.

I still see no picture but I do see this...

Around her mid section? I just don't know how that could go unnoticed if you pet your dog on a daily basis like people tend to.

3mm deep!! all around her mid section with puss seeping out [the glue you thought was on her at first]

You also say she was even "more terrified" of your boy...Suggesting that she is usually "terrified" but even more so at that point. She shouldn't be terrified.

I'm glad you were able to get her off for a while with "grandma and grandad" I hope she is ok now. I don't mean to sound harsh but dogs mean alot to me.

You say is it fair for the dog or people that are attached to it to let it go to another home...Well each circumstance is different of course. It depends. But unless this sort of thing is a very rare occurrence and it happens regularly and the dog is "terrified" it most certainly is better for the dog if it could live somewhere that these things didn't happen.

Sorry for taking the thread a bit off topic but the dogs were mentioned so I replied about them.

Animal abuse, of any kind, perpetuated by any human being despite their level of functioning, should not be allowed.

If you are a parent with a child who you know does not understand, or have the discipline not to harm animals, don't get a pet. Having a child who puts an elastic band on a dog's head for a week isn't cute, it's torturing an animal.

I didn't want to have to be so direct, but it seems I need to be. It's simple, if a animal is being harmed in a home, it should be sent elsewhere like a pound, or a house where it will not be harmed.

Again I want to stress that punching a dog, or putting a elastic band on a dog's head for a long period of time, or anything else along the lines of harming an animal is animal abuse.

People who keep a pet despite this happening, even one time, should have the animal removed from their home, and be sent to be taught about how animals are feeling creatures too. After all, we hear all the time how people think of Autistic children as less than human. You wouldn't allow someone to feel that way towards your child, then don't behave that way towards a pet.

Finally, there is a clear link between animal abuse and the type of pathology that leads one to being a murderer. I'm not saying that your child has that pathology. What I am saying is that if the child doesn't know better, you as the parent should.

So I hope not to see anymore stories about how someone's child did something to the family pet, and it's being giggled about like a funny or cute moment, or ignored.