Don't know what to do with my life, or anything really...

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I'm not in college right now, I just quit a couple years ago as I wasn't interested in anything with it or nothing, but now my life is just sitting here so to speak. I've got an ok job, and it's ok since it's on the computer and work at home, but the pay just sucks. I've thought about and am thinking about going to college again, but I've got no idea what to go for. I really don't want to go to get a degree in something I'm not interested in as I'll just drop out like before and I don't have money to waste.

I know a bit about computer hardware, etc and all, but alas I really don't know if I want to do anything with that either. Everything I have a talent for I don't want to do forever. I'm to the point where I'll never be successful at anything or be living in my own house or anything right now. I always end up thinking I'd just want to die since I have no clue what to do. I'm interested in web dev and design and online communities, which I've tried starting up at least 30 or more but they all fail within a week. It seems I can't stay interested in anything for long. Half the time I just lay on my bed looking at the ceiling thinking about nothing, doing nothing just because I'm not interested in anything anymore it seems. I've tried volunteering at computer places, Kramden being one of them, but I've stopped doing that to. I just don't know what to do.

Should I just die or something? There's really nothing else I can think of to do and I'm 20, almost 21. Shouldn't I have some goals or something in life by now? Shouldn't I have at least a basic degree in something? Or am I just destined to fail?

Also, I've got a lot of things I'd like to do, but all of it costs money, which I don't have a lot of. I've tried starting game servers, music servers, etc and they never get going because I need money for them, advertising costs, etc, etc.

What should I do? Just end my life? I can't talk to my mother, as I've tried and it never gets out for some reason. My father has moved out due to them separating. I can't talk to my grandparents as what would they think if I don't have no goals or nothing to look forward to in life? I've got no friends, no girl friend, no nothing. Nothing that I like to do, nothing to show for in life.

My English is very BAD! But I thought I must to reply this post because I am stuck with the same situation right now.

I feel bored about everything I used to interest in. And somehow, I am thinking about should I end my life. It's not sort of depressed thought but something I am thinking about seriously.
I have no concept of financial issues and I don't know how to get a proper job. Even more, I have no motivation to earn money for myself. I have no lover, friends, but estranged parents. So, what is the meaning of life? No hope, no future.

Basically I still need friends and hopes just like others. But the flaws of social skill keep me from my goals, It's seems that nothing I can do to change my life. I have no idea what will happen in the future so I just wait, for a breakthrough or death I
don't know....

Hey! I would like to cheer you up a bit. First of all. You are not alone, you have the Wrong Planet and you came here to talk. Im sure there will be more people on this massive forum who dont want you to end your life. At least I dont want you too. Im in a similuar situation but I dont want to die because of it. I believe there willl be a solution sooner or later, I just have to hang out and go on until then. Dont give up on your life. You are young and have your talents. You can do something out of your life!

Thats at least better than nothing. It is SOMETHING!



I know what you mean.Its the same with me. I refuse get debts out of loans for studies in 10 years on because I wanted to do something only at this very moment



I know, its the same with me. I believe it has to do more with patience, engagement and motivation rather than lack of interest.



Thats not good. I dont have any job and havent got for long time but I refuse to allow myself to get passive. My goal is to make at least one good and useful thing everyday. So I can feel satisfied I did achieve something each day. One thing that is important is to go outside and get fresh air. If you stay alot inside then you get tired out of that and you feel you dont have energy to go out. Thats can bring you in a bad circle. Try to avoid that. You feel very fresh and alive after spending a piece of the day outdoors.



Try not to give yourself so high expectations. All of us dont get a fancy education that leads to a highpaid wealthy job. If you think like this then you easily can get depressed out of it. Dont compare yourself with others. Just find whats important to you in your life. Im sure there is plenty of reasons to stay alive. You just have to dig them up and put them in front of you, so they can encourage you to move on and try to work for your own goals.
Just look at me, Im 34. Have no basic degree whatsoever and have no job. I dont know if I ever will get one. But I dont concider myself having a depressive life because of that. I just try my best. I want you to do that too!



I know, that part can be hard. How about your AS, is it diagnosed? If so then you might get support from the state in your country and can claim people who can help you around to sort things out in your life.

Just dont give up!!

Your english is very good. Dont worry about it. You seemes to be another one I could start a club with



Ayayay....This is not good. I say to you just as the previous poster that Im sure there is something for you to live for, even if you dont feel like it at this very moment. Look at the sun, look at the nature around you. Look at the people close to you. You are also very young and there is plenty to discover in life for you!




There is the diffrence. You cant just "wait", nothing will be served to you if you dont work for it yourself. It can be hard to work for, particularly if you feel depressed. Although thats the truth, that to get something in life you have to make efforts and sacrify your time and energy. Start to think of what you WANT. The next step would be to see if its realistic. Maybe it isnt but then there can be compromise solutions, who knows - if you dont try!

you are a strong, healthy, smart young man!! ! no kids? sweet! no gf? even better! fuc* the mom. fuc* the dad. fuc* the grandparents. fuc* them all, they are just dead weight on your life. quitting college is the best decision you ever made - those fuc*ing college loans are just more dead weight off of your shoulders.

so "drop down your bucket". do what you can. if you can bag groceries - bag them groceries. if you can clean toilets - clean them toilets. There is No Shame in Your Game. and if you ever need to talk this stuff over - i'm 22 and i've been through shi* up to my ears and i got a good idea of what life is and where your priorities should be. so send me a PM - i'm your G when it comes to this stuff.

jeff

Go buy the book, what color is your parachute?

it's a big seller, so the title should be enough in a bookstore. i bought my copy from borders for less than 20 bucks

I'm 23, I don't have autism or aspergers (though I was once told by a psychiatrist that I might have it mildly? and then was not tested at all???) but I feel like im in the same place as you right now. I'm not doing anything and being supported by my parents.. the plan is to go into school but I really have no interest, motivation, confidence to do anything.

I also don't know if I should just kill myself.. I'm sort of not interested in living. It's a shame because I know many people would want ot be in my position and I can't trade.. glad to know I'm not alone. Wonder how you're doing now..

This is pretty much the same situation I'm in. All I really want in life is what the majority of functioning people seem to have: thoughtless, self-entitling ambition; motive power and elementary fulfillment, described by others in only the most vague, inane ways, but you get the idea. To "love life," as they say. To actually have something, anything real. Feels like I merely exist and don't realistically have the automatic compass I need to grasp this alien lifestyle I never learned. I just seem to try and fail to grasp it and feel more hopeless than ever and then of course think about how uncomplicated dying would be. However, I know that I and most likely you are depressed, Bryce. (and others) So right now, getting over it is my goal...

You are not alone. I have always lacked ambition, compared with others. I tried to kill myself at your age for similar reasons. I'm 26 now, and I'm glad I failed. Living is better than not living. Things aren't perfect now, but they are better. I've had relationships, jobs, gone in and out of college. The truth is: not everyone is meant to (or capable of) achieving this specific dream of success we are all bombarded with, Aspie or NT. The system does not work everyone.

I'm still trying to find my success. I don't just sit around staring at the walls, but studying my areas of interest all day isn't exactly as productive as I'd like to be. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder not long after my suicide attempt. Therapy and anti-depressants can help. It's at least worth looking into. I don't think it's a leap to say you might have a similar problem. It can get better. Any improvement at all is preferable to death.

You mentioned you like social networking. Why not try to cultivate some penpals and online friends. Through that, you may also find people who can help you with your career. Just as an example, you could make a valuable contribution to an internet startup if you got to know the business people personally. Maybe someone out there wants to launch an indie game and they need someone to setup & manage the server. You never know till you talk to people.

My recommendation would be to figure out the things that give you the most enjoyment, and decided what they all have in common: that's the area to find out if there's a career in, and start pursuing it while you do in fact have your--albeit it "lousy-- computer based job.

You may just be in a momentary rut; it happens.

Just find something you really enjoy doing that you can be successful at, and you'll probably be very happy with your life.

For all of you who are thinking of ending your life, please don't. You are all still so young, and you never know what lies around the corner. Many people even without disabilities have trouble finding their niche. You just have to keep going day by day doing the best you can. Try not to compare yourself with other people and what they are doing. Just keep trying to be a good person, and you never know who you might meet, or how your life can go. I know the social skills are a struggle, but there are many jobs you can do that don't require great social skills. Please just keep hanging in there!! !

In 1965 I hit a roadblock. I could not go forward. Going back was impossible. There was no way around. I stared in the mirror weighing various methods of killing myself because life was over.

Well, I did not. Gradually things opened up. I found a life - work that supported me, eventually work trhat satisfied me, relationships that maintained me, eventually relationships that fulfilled me. And it is 2010 which is 45 years later.

Keep walking. I do not say easy - but things turn up, it will be worth it.

Hey! That's the same as me and I'm NEARLY 21 as well lol.

Last edited by CobaltBlew on 18 Jun 2010, 6:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

I went to college but after that I didn't know what to do at ALL, but I've been going to the Department of Vocational Rehab, and they found me this lady at this Neurology Vocational Services place and she has helped me a ton with finding a job. She even helped me figure out what I wanted because I had no idea what I wanted to do, or what kind of job would make me happy. She set up interviews and WENT to interviews with me and got me a free bus pass and everything.

You might want to get someone to help you find one of these places and go in.. like do you have a family friend or a teacher or something who would help you? But these places really exist and they can help SO MUCH, it's really amazing, I had no idea how many resources there were, and they'll help you with everything. It doesn't sound like you're really that severe.. I'm not either, but they'll still help you. If you're thinking there's no way out, then that's a good enough reason to try even if you don't think your problems are that bad.

But you also have to really LET them help you, because I also went to a meeting and all everyone did was complain and say they weren't being helped, even though everyone I've met who worked at these places really seemed to care. Be as flexible and cooperative as you can, even if that's only a tiny little bit, and there are so many people who really want to be on your side and help you find the right path.

Bryce you are not alone. Throughout my early 20's I felt the same way as you do. I had the same concerns and worries, the same feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, and the depression with eagerness to die.

From the ages of 21-23 I literally sat around and did nothing. I spent everyday reading comics and playing video games, in the midst of feeling miserable. I wasn't working, I wasn't going to school, I had no friends, no girlfriend, didn't have any aspirations or goals, I just ate and slept. I now look back and wish I could get those 2 years of my life back, but obviously I can't. At the time I didn't know I had AS, hadn't heard of it yet, just thought I was weird.

You at least have a job, and some aspirations, despite the money troubles at least you're trying. That is more than I was doing at your age.

Now I'm 28, know I have AS, have a fiancee who is wonderful, we're getting married before the end of the year, and while I still don't have a job I at least know that I want to be a writer and am working towards that goal everyday.