I am new here and unsure about myself. I'm aware I should get professional advice but I'd like an opinion from someone...I suspect I amy have Asperger's, but the part that confuses me is that I meet some criteria and some I don't.
First off, I have social issues. I don't like to be with people around my age, or people in real life period. I cannot stand social situations or to talk to someone for the first time. I cannot stand to deal with people I do not know well, which is most people. I live with relatives and if they bring some one over I don't know, I hide in my room. When I am talking to family I have a habit of putting an object in front of my mouth(a blanket, my hand, ect.), and mumbling so that they cannot understand me, because I often feel uncomfortable saying what I have to say.
I tend to be obcessive. I have panic attacks, and I obcess over my health. I research all these health conditions, but I find one I am fascinated with and that's all I think about or look up for next couple months or so. I have to eat Ramen Noodles and popcorn everyday or I get very upset. I get upset when people comment that it's bad for my health and afraid I will have to stop eating them. I watch the same shows every night in a row, and get upset if I miss them. I get fascinated with objects that others take for granted. I love magnets and can play with one for hours. I also loving blinking lights or anything shiny.
I have a habit of counting the number of things on an object(like bristles on a brush or teeth on a comb), as a matter of fact I count everything I get the chance to, in contrary that I do not score well on math tests (one thing that does NOT meet the criteria). I am not a neat person(messy room), and I do not pay attention to the big picture, like the big mess, but there are little things that bother me. If I am eating with someone and the food I am eating is on their face, I am disgusted and unable to finish the meal. I am terrified of wigglie eyes(the craft things), and if I see one I go into a complete meltdown. Also, a bunch of small objects gross me out so much I cannot look at them.
Certain noises bother me. I cannot stand to have the noise on the television up when I sleep or I am trying to do something other than watch it. If I am at the bus stop and an ambulance goes by, I get so startled I think I'm having a heart attack. The same thing happens if it says breaking news on TV, any kind of alert or alarm scares me.This also happens if I am snuck up on or touched without warning. I don't like to hug unless I prepare for it. I worry alot, I have conflicts with family and I often stay up until 3 AM pacing around, worrying and rehearsing what I am going to say to them tommorow, and I end up talking to myself.
I pace when I think about everything. After every paragraph I am writing here, I feel I need to get up, walk around and think about what I am going to say next. I obcess over the same thing, or a little thing someone says to me, and it begins to define me. I obcess over it and get angry. When I am angry, I squeeze my hands together, bite my wrists, or bite on an object. I am also over-emotional. I cry over everything, I cry for no reason at times, because I am obcessing over something that makes me cry.
I feel uncomfortable when I think about being around other people my age that act obnoxious and "crazy". I don't have very good coordination, I cannot copy anyone's physical movement. I would not have a problem talking to people if I was told exactly what to say. I do very good when given lines, which is why I desire to act. People tell me I am rude when I answer the telephone, and this offends me and makes me feel "soiled". I also get a "soiled" feeling when I am compared to others of my age group. Everything anyone says to me offends me.
I have a weird emotional attachment. When I am in a heated discussion with someone, I get angry when they call me honey, I get angry. Other times, however, I want to be called Honey, SweetiePie, ect. It makes me feel safe and secure. I hate anything violent, bad, dark or evil. I like happy things like kids' stuff. I love Dora The Explorer, my blankey, my teddy bear, and my dolls. I am not comfortable around men a lot, because I have not had any good men in my life. I do not know how to talk to them, really.
People complain that I only have a few subjects I talk about, that I repeat myself over and over, and that I talk about things they are not interested in. When I talk, I talk very fast, if I am comfortable I talk fast and interupt others, I do not know how to not interupt. I get mad and offended easily, as I said before. I "ramble on". People also say I am very literal. I don't "get" a lot of jokes, and think of everything as literal, like what if that REALLY happened. I HATE saracsm and that type of thing, it makes me angry. Little things like that make me angry.
I "dream" a lot. If some situation happens, I dream of what may happen in the future, I sceme over things that could be possible, and what I will do later if that happens. I have crazy, irrational worries, things like the fear someone may take my teddy bear away, ect. I walk on my tippy toes and get angry when people tell me it's not healthy, I feel like they will make me stop and I don't want to stop. I feel like people are talking about me to other people, and like a leper. I hate it when people talk about me behind my back. I feel ignored or unimportant in social situations. Online, I usually have one person I am extremely attached to. One person I call on the phone and talk to alot.
I do the same thing with stuffed animals. I carry I stuffed animal around the house with me. I have a "favorite", that I carry around for 6 months or so, I get this good feeling when cuddling it that I don't get from holding the other ones. I have strong beliefs and get angry when someone disagrees because I find it hard to put myself in their shoes. I am called a "pack rat", I am emotionally attached to everything so I save everything, from my birth certificate to a shoe I had when I was 12 years old, every paper, every thing. I get angry when people say that because I am afraid they will make me throw my things away. I am called "weird" "freaky", ect. and this upsets me, people say I get upset for no reason over stupid things. I am pretty set in my ways and don't like change.
I prefer doing things on my own, but I feel unsafe in certain situations. I look for reassurance for everything because everything scares me.
Could I be Aspergers or is this just me?
Another thing, I am known for asking "stupid" questions and not using my head.
Last edited by ILoveLucy on 06 May 2009, 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
06 May 2009, 2:21 pm
