Who pays for a date in this 'sexually liberated' era?

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When Ive paid for stuff men have told me it emasculated them, so I expect a lot of it depends on what sort of woman it is and what sort of man.

I think strong stroppy women probably have to let the man lead a bit so as not to figuratively crush him. I think if you veer on the strong or domineering side of personality you have to consciously work on letting other people have their turn and share of control including letting them pay for things.

When I was dating, we rarely went Dutch.

Whoever asks for the date pays. Usually that's the man.

Whoever has the most money should pay. As long as it's reciprical - I buy this time, you buy next. Or thereabouts.

Long ago, I simply paid. Today, I try to alternate, so I pay every other time. I do make mental notes and watch to see if things are getting out of balance. When I was a kid, expectations for women were generally low, so guys were expected to take up the slack. Today, a woman who doesn't do her part is a deadbeat. If a woman can't keep up her part while you are dating, she will be a financial boat anchor if you commingle, cohabitate, or get married. So, watch carefully and take notes - do so silently.

For me its less depending on the sex, but simply on the income + who came up with the idea to go to a specific place. If you say to your partner, that you want to eat in an very expensive restaurant, that you are used to, and know that your partner is as example student, so it will be too much for him/her to pay, it would be logic for me, that the one, wanting to eat there, as well pays the bills.

When I ask my partner to visit a movie, when I know he cant afford it, then its normal for me to pay.

I think, as soons as you are in a stable relationship, this question does not count anyway, because then at least around here, you have anyway shared income, so its not your and my money, but our money, and what we decide to do with it.

As with so much else: if you don't know, ask. And know what you want, and say so.

If you want a rough equality, say so.
If you're uncomfortable paying for everything, say so.
If you're uncomfortable having your dinner paid for, say so.

Something that comes up often in dating is that one person has much more expensive tastes than the other -- or just a different set of circumstances. Last summer, for instance, I took my bf along on a vacation I'd planned. I'd paid for the house rental and told him he'd just need to take care of his own transportation and food. I knew he was unemployed, but also knew he had some money and help, and besides he'd have to eat anyway, and transit wasn't going to be much. What I'd forgotten was that the seaside town was actually quite an expensive one with no large cheap supermarket, which is fine with me because I don't eat much -- I could pop down to the little overpriced market, pick up some bread/cheese/fruit and call it a day. But he's a very high-metabolism guy, and eats tons, including a lot of expensive veg, so his groceries were actually substantial money. (Had he wanted to, he could've taken a bus and done some shopping a few towns away, but he didn't.) So that caused some problems. Solution: if we were to go back there, we'd have to plan for his groceries.

I will also, depending on who it is, let rich people pay for me. I'll almost never let a single dad pay for my date, because wtf, spend that money on the kids.

The main thing is talking. It doesn't have to be right at the outset, first date, but you can bring it up nicely in a non-blamey, non-aggressive, non-I've-been-victimised-so-often-in-the-past kind of way. You can talk about what kind of entertainments and meals you like, what your budget is. And what it may come down to is that if one of you wants to do pricey things and the other doesn't or can't, and the fancy person wants to do fancy things together, s/he may just have to pay for both. If you like each other, some compromise is reasonable there.

One thing I really won't accommodate, though, is "I need to pay for you because otherwise it emasculates me." I'm not responsible for a man's sense of his own masculinity, and it's a road I won't even start down. You figure out how to be a man by your own bad self.

the trouble with doing it by income is that its incredibly patronizing

I had a friend who we used to buy bread and wine from a deli and eat it in the park in a picnic, one time I went to pay but she said 'oh no, I couldnt possibly let a single mum pay for my food'. I could have hit her, I was so cross I didnt talk to her again, Ive lost count the amount of people Ive 'dropped' because they were patronizing about me being a single mum or on benefits.

I will not pay for someone's food unless I have established ahead of time, for whatever reason, that I am treating them. I do not want to be expected to pay for someone else, regardless of circumstances. Maybe I will offer, but everyone should go in expecting to foot their portion of the bill.

I've had some women who expected me to pay, and others who preferred to split things. I think that splitting makes the most sense, particularly in the early stages...I feel a little taken advantage of when I'd pay for everything on a first or second date and then never see them again!

I'm totally cool with paying...nothing.