Why do girls want cocky, arrogant guys?

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Nah im being humorous. I thought that was obvious. I will however refrain from interacting with anyone who requests so.

i assumed you were being humorous, eamonn (otherwise i would have had something to say), but it might be worth remembering that people here may well take things literally. i certainly have to think about what you say very carefully.

I don't like this thread...shoo! go away thread!

What does the arrow emoticon mean?

Hey! Look over there?


GA

greetings all.....

i am "fiver", and am brand new here; though not at all new to autistic life. i have joined in search of a discussion of humanity and socialization. i find that listening to others helps me a great deal in comprehending the social dance.
and thank Lord Frith that i read this whole thread from on end to the other; this before making an entrance. i didn't expect that there would be such an age difference among the people posting to this forum. another thing that i didn't expect was the extent to which all of you communicate with one-another so well. it seems that most all of the people here express them selves much better than i did in my teen years. sense then, of course, i have had much time and of late; much new information with which to analyze and augment my spectrum oriented behavior and issues.
i will admit that i have absolutely no contact with other people on the spectrum; at least not people who know that they are on the spectrum. though i did have a very short experience in trying to interface on another autistic group; a very say failure on my part.
which brings me to a quick suggestion for some of the people here. i have found it very helpful to actually join, observe, and eventually participate in, groups of adult "NT" persons on yahoo. in particular, groups of an adult nature and orientation. however, i started out in adult survivor groups. not the best of places owing to their "cult-of-personality" natures. but that did open my eyes and get me to start talking openly. it also helped me to see how different my thinking and communication styles were from the mainstream. as someone has already said here in this thread; open honesty is not a trait of the "NT" world.
that in fact, was what prompted me to move to the "adult oriented" yahoo groups. in the best of them, i found that my open honest style did not put people off as much. it seemed that in groups of that sort; there were many people who were working at understanding to truth of their own lives. maybe not exactly like me, but as close as "NT" people can come to self exploration.
now i realize that some here can't legally join such groups, but i use this example nevertheless in order to proffer one possible model of learning experience modality in a predominantly "NT" world. i have noted a growing number of yahoo groups for the less than 21 crowd.

the one other thing that i will bring up here is the single truth that i have found out in the "NT" word. sex is very much a prominent and valid form of human communication. often times more so then is verbal expression. when i found this to be so, i was taken aback. but eventually had to face the fact of it.
so, i think that i will live it here for now as being new here, i really don't know how this all will be taken. piece be with you all.....

fiver & friends.....

I think it also takes an arrogant guy to be an alpha father raising little social butterfly kids who are gonna be good at all the sports, be popular and partying all through school, going to state or prep colleges, and pretty much living the whole suburban dream. They want the guy who's enough of a hardened cocky erfectionistic a***hole to where the wife, as Mrs. Jones, will always know that they're kids, their house, and their picture perfect lives will outdo the Smiths or Johnsons down the street any day. Seems kinda like the ideal to have a nice $300,000 house, raise everyone on nothing but bible and pro sports, have a daughter who's creme de la creme popular, a son who's one of those goat-headed meth dealing jocks (lol, kinda like some old aquiaintrences) who's in and out of juvenille detention and also popular as heck, etc. etc.

Not all do

Lol, the more I look arround at a lot of the girls I'm in school with righ now the more I'd have to say your definitely right on that. I think the trouble is I'm immersed in em everywhere else and once in a while my surroundings have me losing perspective a bit.

There's a radio guy named Tom Leykis.....www.blowmeuptom.com. This might answer a lot of questions.

I'd like to relate to you something I actually experienced as it fits in exactly with the title of this thread.

We met last summer at a workshop doing the Briggs-Myers test. I'll call her Liana* (not her real name). I'm not usually that aggressive when it comes to approaching women but there was something about her at first sight that... Ok, read on if you may.

We got chatting up. I'll be the first to tell you I don't have the gift of the gab but with Liana it was an exception. She was that one-in-a-million. It seemed promicing enough.

It quickly turned out she was into all the same things as I. A student of psychic phenomenae, into Native spirituality, alternative medicine, worked in health and beauty, and liked the outdoors. I concocted what seemed to me a very unintrusive pick up line: "I think you and my mother would get along greatly" (which is true, my mother is into all that psychic stuff too). What a way to match-up. Maybe she'd get to meet my family and friends and from there things would go the old-fashioned way: get to know, nice and slow. I gave her my number but didn't ask for hers. I was going to leave it at that. It seemed to me I wasn't too intrusive.

But wait! It gets better! Out of the blue, she started to talk about going fishing.

ffffffffiiiiiiiiiiiishing

Go figure! This girl, Liana, broaching that subject in front of Red Fisher Jr. here who wasn't thinking about going fishing at that moment? How dare she!! !!

She asked: "Do you fish?" With a chortle I answered: "I'm a fishermaniac". Next thing you know, we got yammering away sounding like Bob Izumi and Dave Mercer. I'm sure that little chat storm could have gone on for some hours. None of it was any small talk either.

Before we parted she handed me two of her pamphlets: one for me, one for Mom. I asked: "you seem to have a lot of interesting things to say, can I call you some time?"

Yes!

This magic moment. If that wasn't a cue from a divine source, then I don't know. For the next 4 nights I slept with her pamphlets under my pillow and went around sharing that experience with other bachelor buddies I chummed with. All agreed I was onto something priceless and I was ecstatic. One of them proposed a double date when everything got going good.

Liana and I did have a fishing outing the following week, we had a good time and by the looks of things we were on our way to getting to know each other. Only time would tell now.

And then there was the evening I called and was met with a surly male voice. Had I called the wrong number? No. Liana did come in on the line but this time she was very terse and there was no time for all that friendly banter we had up to that point. The feeling of it all was like getting backhanded but not in a physical sense. Another voice came but not from the phone, not from anybody else in my whereabouts, but from a clairaudiant origin: You stay the **** away from my woman!

Another Auld Lang Syne. I should have known it was all too good to be true.

A few nights later we talked again but without that guy on the scene. Liana insisted he was a "friend" but she had been seeing him on and off over the past 2 years. She did tell me about him and the details pieced themselves together about him and...

Saint ciboire! Ça ne ce peut pas! Rocky? ...de mon école primaire?

Rocky* (his nickname in the book I'm writing) was in class with me in grade school those decades back. He was a wild thing in the school yard and in class he was so disruptive that the lessons were compromised much of the time. Whenever Rocky spoke, he gushed torrents of raw sewage, and according to Liana, he still did. If I knew where he lived, I'd have sent him a crate of mouthwash. Rocky never, ever outgrew his ways and that was the funny part. He was still that ornery old self who was universally disrespectful to all but expected all to treat him royally. Rocky grew up without boundaries, without virtues, and without integrity. What's more was he was completely opposite everything Liana stood for and believed in.

My intuition had been right. That same night Rocky threw Liana's phone against the wall, smashing it in a thousand pieces, and they had a terrible fight. He was upset, jealous, and very possessive. Why couldn't she just kick him out? Anybody pulling a sh** like that at my place would have been out the door with a Size 12 kick in the ass before the next heartbeat.

Liana proposed we all go fishing together but Rocky didn't want to re-connect and I had no room in my own life for anything like that anyway. I could not understand for the life of me what did Liana see in this guy. Our budding relationship metamorphosed and went on another tangent. She had thrown me over and chosen to share a life of abject misery with Rocky.

Whenever Liana and I spoke, that was now the only subject on her agenda until I put my foot down and made it clear to her that firstly I didn't want to hear anymore of that and secondly I left it entirely between her and Rocky to settle their quandary in whatever way they saw fit.

This is but one example that has left me to believe that the entire concept of the dating game is built on salesmanship as opposed to us all being true to ourselves, and that's why even NT's have their share of disappointments , frustration, and heartaches. Combine that with a culture that breeds women with self-esteem problems and that's what all sums up to another comment I've seen on this board: "lost in a world that makes no sense to me".

techstep,

How true! Thanx for the refresher.

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newchum,

I wouldn't call it quits yet.

http://america.lyrics-songs.com/lyrics/176868/

Something else I just heard recently which I thought was funny, probably very true, and seemed to be a really good analogy:

David D. just did an interview with a guy who'd written a book called "Become the Jerk that Women Love" (F.J. Shark). Again, like everyone else his book was all about gaining the trappings and attraction-triggers that a jerk has, which nice guys never do, but doing so without having to be a douchebag about it. His analogy for why women don't go for nice guys and his explanation of the dynamics is like this: a new years resolution to start eating healthier. People love to make resolutions, they know they should be doing something but they don't have the motivation to follow through just because the right thing isn't the feel-good thing. F.J. Shark likened nice guys to all the healthfood a woman meant to put in the grocery cart when she went to the grocery store but never ended up getting because while she's there the odds are overwhelming that she'll still cave in, like anyone else, and go for the taste-good food (Ben & Jerry's, Dorito's, whatever) anyway.

That's the big problem though, when kindness causes you not to tease someone, give them a hard time, when it causes you to be too compliant or understanding, especially if it makes you come off as a lack of challenge, whether your a guy or girl in the dating scene, people either won't be attracted or the odds are they'll really start taking you for granted. In this same cd F.J. started also talking about how women can really make or break a man in this world and most of it has to do with whether or not he puts himself first or her first. If he puts himself and his passions first the game is still on, the attraction is still there, and she's still trying to prove herself to him or bid for his attention. He also mentioned that its the guys women have lots of of little things to complain about that irk em all the time who stay in the long-term relationships (I've seen this with some of my friends and their relationships - they neglect them just enough to where it creates tension but doesn't break the relationship). However the second a guy really turns from that and puts her first its almost guaranteed that things will start slipping badly, to the point where it'll be harsh enough to say that her priorities will be #1 - everything and everyone else and #2 then him, in otherwords putting her first tends to be all too often a road to being treated like your subhuman. Does a guy have to treat a woman like she's subhuman to keep control? No, just that you always need to keep these things in mind, never be too nice, if she does something innappropriate she's gonna see it as weakness if you aren't offended or don't put your footdown, they're always testing guys like that. Yeah, that's a tall order and it *really* sucks if you may not have the social fluidness needed to really do those things effectively (which I know a lot of you, like myself probably fall back on the nice-guy bit just out of low social stamina), but still that seems to be about the extent of it.