Help- I feel like a prisoner in my own home!

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First of all, why would you feel sorry about my mother? I never understood why people say that. It doesn't make any sense at all. I would never feel sorry for another's pain since I don't feel it, and even if I felt it before, it seems like it's fallacious for me to pretend sympathy.

Since I am feeling in the morbid curious mood at the moment. I'll tell two stories.

The first one involves an aquaintance of mine's sister. This person is a single mother with 3 children. Well the story begins when suddenly with no explanation, a man starting living in their home, and this person's sister never explained why he was there (I forget his name), until one day several months later, her sister came to her and told her that the man is a murderer and that unless she doesn't do what he says, he'll do something awful to her family before he moves on.

Since her sister was quite an out-of-touch-with-reality person, my acquaintance asked her eldest son to look up this person in the criminal records online and sure enough he has been wanted for several assaults and various other charges including pedophilia. So they got the police over there and apprehended him, but the damage to the family was already done. My aquaintance's sister is pretty much a hollow shell of who she was, her eldest son has taken up drinking leading to a degenerate lifestyle, and her daughter was raped repeatably (The strange part about her is that she is the most functional person in that family and still is).

Why did this happen? Her sister was afraid for herself and her children and let this man have his way with them for months and months.

Now the second story involves my mother, she was trapped, she didn't like where she lived, she did not like the people around her, she did not like her relatives, she did not like my father, and I would guess that she didn't like herself either.

I don't know what she wanted, I could never understand that and probably never will, but I feel that she did not like the way fate dealt her hand in life and wanted some way to get out of it. She didn't trust anyone, people were all conspiring to do her harm. We (my younger sister, younger brother, and eldest brother) as her children were never allowed to do anything or it would result in horrible consequences. Noone was capable of doing anything for her, she could never be satisfied (She didn't want to be satisfied).

This led to us being homeschooled for years, until one summer she was getting into something called a 'born again christian' lifestyle which seemed like a cheap attempt at her trying to make ammends with herself until she came across condemnation concerning hypocrisy which left her feeling depressed and useless. She made a rash decision concerning my younger brother and sister to attend the public school. My mother was paranoid about everyone in the community we lived in, concerning a plot that they want to get rid of her since she wouldn't let them have their way. So to protect my younger sister and brother from whatever evil would befall them, she murdered them while they were asleep, called up the police to take her away all the while under the pretense that what she was doing was for the sake of her children.

My mother constantly wanted to move somewhere else, live in a house that she reads about in books, have everything in a specific way, but such fantasies never could be a reality for her. She felt trapped where she was and things got too intense since the doctors she visited during her bout of depression just gave her some medicine and sent her home when she probably could have benefited from proper attention to her problems.

How these relate to your problem is not as you as the same kind of actor as these tragic heroines, but rather a simularity concerning being trapped and trying to hope it goes away the easy way. I don't really feel sad in the least what has happened with my mother, just confused and curious since there isn't much more logic than what I can make up in my post concerning it.



Is drifting where one lets the motor vehicle veer towards the curb? I did that alot, well driving to the nearest city was at least a 60 mile drive (120+ mile round trip), so constantly driving to and from such a place has allowed me to operate pretty coherently on a highway with a stickshift. Driving just requires intensive practice, I passed the written test only on par, and failed the actual test the first time. I later passed it perfectly the second time since I understood completely what the driving instructor expected of me.



Although he doesn't seem like one, here's an article from the new york times.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/15/magaz ... yt&emc=rss

What's important about this article is the reason these people are withdrawn to degenerate status is they feel that they have failed to achieve some false quota all humans must meet. People need to feel accepted, a true sense of the word.

I know for a fact that I'll probably never have the things I don't already have so there's no use for me trying to obtain them or worry about them. Reading books on how one operates to obtain a significant other seems too much like manipulating an animal for me to be interested in. Since I never did go to a public school, I do not know what kind of trauma other human children inflicted on your son. So maybe I got lucky and was allowed to develop a safeguard that blocks off most stupidity despite having lived through what my counselor dubs a living hell with my mother. It was stressful and slightly depressing, but I always believed all homes were like that so I never felt wronged in the least, much like the one girl in the first story who was the most functional out of the post catastrophic household.



I would think any reasonable human would get mad that someone spreads talk about them, even if if it's logically for their own benefit. I'm not going to reread through your posts but you did talk about his lack of skills as if he cannot do anything, and I can't remember reading about any of the skills that he has to his benefit. n_n;

Because even if you say you love him, I feel the closest to something like love myself if someone likes the way I do something, or for something I did. It inflates my ego and makes me more confident in what I did (Although don't expect me to reperform miraculous acts as a common practice). Because I doubt if anyone would care for me as a person, so I tend to think that the things I do would elicit the most truthful need for them to appreciate me (Although if I get praised for doing something poorly suited, that distresses me as I want 'true' honesty even if the truth is not something I would prefer to hear).

I'm tired, so I'll cut this short. I'm not the words of your son, only he can be, I'm no expert with dealing with anyone and noone deserves to feel fear for their own life everyday.

Taruby- I was understanding your letter to express sadness for what happened with your mom, and I was sorry for your pain. I do feel for what other people suffer. I am very compassionate towards others to a fault. You sound like a wonderful person who has endured so much and if you were next to me , I would want to give you a heart felt hug. ( that's an Italian momma instinct) That would probably bother you so then I would apologize and not know what i was supposed to do. This is the same case as with my son, I never know what it is I am supposed to do. When I think I'm doing something to comfort him, he may react as if I'm doing something wrong, if I might do something I think is going to get a reaction from him, he may take it as something could. he does not tell me what he needs from me, he only reacts, and usually it is attached to some emotion from the past that has bothered him from another person.

mom... I am sorry you are having to go through all of this.
I can answer this from a couple of points of view. The first is of a mom who has two with bad behaviors, the second is as a person with AS.

First off When my ds destroyed my car (he is 10), I was out of my mind on what to do to get him the help he needed. I found a hospital here that does intensive behavioral management for kids on the spectrum. They deal with kids up to age 21. They have an inpatient program and that lasts from 3-6 months, with followup ou patient visits to their clinic and then home follow ups. They are very good at what they do, probably one of the best in the counrty. They have kids from all over the world coming. If you want additional information please pm me.

Second, I also looked into inhome help from the state, they provide us with someone in thehome 15 hours a week. Plus funding for additional services, like respite etc. A good starting place would be www.thearc.org they will have someone who can give you the number to your countys emergency behavioral service, a temp fix until you can get him into an inpatient program.

Last, as a mom... I had tried everything, stasnding up to them, yelling, ignoring etc. Nothing worked. This inpatient program gave me valuable training on how to do things with the kids so they wouldn't be runnin ght eshow. Unfortunately bad behaviors are learned as fast as good ones. We as parents sometimes unknowingly reinforce the bad behaviors without realizing it. It isn't your fault, but they could help you and him, be happier.

I hope some of this has helped.