Anyone read this book on meltdowns?

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From Anxiety to Meltdown: How Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Anxiety, Experience Meltdowns, Manifest Tantrums, and How You Can Intervene Effectively
By: Deborah Lipsky

I am wondering if is worth buying this book as it will be over $25.00. If it is useful, great, but I am not finding books on meltdowns very useful at this point. I find they start out wonderful in explaining why a child will suffer a meltdown, but not really what to do to prevent one or calm one down when it is happening.


The last one I got from the library (Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments) really annoyed me because it was mostly geared for schools and how a teacher could calm her down. Well at school my 13 year old daughter has her teacher, her educational assistant, a counsellor and a principal if needed. There are many people there to help calm her down and keep her on track. At home, it is just me (her twin sister tries to help, but that usually doesn't help)

It also had all these checklists with teachable moments for after the meltdown. We are all exhausted afterwards and do not want to relive it extensively afterwards. We do try to make some tweaks for the future, but really we try to move on and avoid the next one.

That book also only had one small chapter for parents and the mom who wrote it was all happy about how her husband worked long hours, so she could do all these lists and really help her sons.

I hear a lot of people recommend the Explosive Child book and I read that before the diagnosis and it really explained my daughter a lot, but it did not give me any real suggestions except trying to give your child whatever they wanted, so they wouldn't blow up. Like the part on how the child wanted a treat after they had spent the day at the fair and instead of saying no we spent enough money at the fair today, they said she could buy peanuts at the store on the way home.

I haven't read the one you are asking about, so can't comment on it.

What I found is that once my son is in meltdown mode, it is too late and you just have to weather the hurricane as best you can. Prevention really is key, even if it means excessive amounts of accomodation.

First you target reducing your child's stress, to reduce the meltdowns. When she's at a point where the meltdowns are manageable, then you can start working on teaching her skills.

I think Lost at School does a better job explaining the approach to prevention than The Explosive Child.

Excessive implies that it's more than is necessary, it's not excessive if that's exactly what he needs.

Have you pulled down the book Tracker (a member of this site) wrote yet? I know he was in the middle of substantial re-writes when he stalled on the project (he got this amazing dream job and moved), but there was an amazing section on meltdowns in the draft I read.

Look for it at ASDStuff.com

Free for download.

Zette - Does Lost in School cover stuff at home?

DW - Yes I am currently reading Tracker's book. I read over the chapters on meltdowns several times and they really helped me understand my daughter. There just wasn't much in the way of what to do when in the middle of a meltdown, only that for each child, it would be different. I need actual solutions and things to say to help diffuse them or prevent them as we are heading to one. My daughter explodes very quickly.

Unfortunately, Tracker is right about it being an individual thing. So what I say may or may not help.

I would make a list of the common things your daughter melts down about. Once you have done that look for patterns and start to put them in groups that you can label with a general category. (I am a list person and I like to look for patterns and that can be easiest when I can see the entries of a list--you may not need this step)

Once you have your general categories think really hard about things you have tried in the past. Make three columns for each category. (Again, you can skip this if you do not need the visualization.) One column is for things that make the meltdown worse, one is for things that do not seem to matter one way or another, the third is for things that seem to help (even if only a little)

Then look for patterns. It may depend on how the stars align and you make look at your list and realize that some things belong in multiple categories, depending on how the stars align that day. Put an asterisk next to those, and look for patterns there, too. I have not had luck analyzing that portion, but an NT might have better luck here. Some of it I can sense but not explain, b/c my analysis is on some sub-conscious level that I am not in enough touch with.

I know this seems a lot of work, b/c it is. I can't promise you will get a better handle on it ,but this is the line of thinking that has helped me.

I found that once in meltdown, all I could do was keep my son safe. There was a phase when that meant holding him in my arms as he tried to break away. Then there was the phase I simply directed him to his room.

I don't think there is anything you can do. Everything that needs to happen is inside their own heads as they theoretically straighten out their circuits.

Long run, the goal is to work on prevention, avoiding triggers, and then developing protocols that keep a near-meltdown from actually becoming one.

It does not have any examples from home, but the steps for using the method would be the same for problems that occur at home. The author also has a website: http://www.livesinthebalance.org/parents-families

This page has video lectures: http://livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-parents

ASD mommy -her main meltdown trigger now is any time she thinks about school. I am trying to just let her vent about it without arguing with her about what she likes about school, but I haven't figured out how to stop her freaking out about having to attend school. There isn't anything in particular she is upset about, she just says there is too much sitting and too much learning and not enough time to play YuGiOh with her friends at recess. Maybe high school will be better. She just got accepted today to a technical high school which has mostly hands-on learning and 4 teachers per student, so maybe this will be the ticket. They have also applied her to the aspergers programs in high school, but there are only 40 spots in total for all highschoolers, so that is a long shot.

She also hates sniffing and eating noises or blowing your nose, so we try to block this out with tv or going to another room to help her. This usually doesn't result in a full meltdown, but she will freak out and scream obscenties at you for it if you forget.

DW - touching my daughter at all would be a no-no and I can't get her to go to her room either. I can't even get her twin sister to go to her own room, so I can separate them and keep them each safe. That is why I am ready to buy every book under the sun to figure out how to avoid meltdowns totally.

Zette - I will look into this book too and the website - thank you!

That's not what that book is saying at all. It's saying to have three categories - things you're willing to deal with a meltdown over, things you want to negotiate with your kid, and things that just aren't worth bothering with.

The whole point of the book is to teach parents and children how to negotiate with each other - not to give kids whatever they want.

I've read the book and it would really help with me, if my parents could stop misinterpreting it the same way you have!

In Lost at School, the author further clarifies that the 3rd category is not just letting go things that aren't worth bothering with -- it's making a conscious decision to postpone addressing some issues so that you can focus on two or three things that you've decided have the highest priority right now (because you can't solve everything at once). When those unsolved problems get solved, you can start moving things from bucket C to bucket B and address them.

Triplemoon -- did you end up buying the book you started this thread to ask about? Is it any good?

Zette - I didn't end up buying the book yet - I still have a couple books at home that I bought for her that I still need to read one on ASD teen girls (I am half way through) and one on helping anxiety in children. I would have bought it if it got glowing reviews on here, but no one seems to have heard of it.

triemoon18,

I hope I am not out of line for asking, but how is the school thing going? Did you find out where you think she will go, nxt year, yet? (I still think her current issues might be very school-influenced based on all you have written, and I am hoping she gets the placement you want.0

ASDmommy - she got into one of the programs that I was hoping for last week - it is a hands-on school with 100 teachers for 450 students and she will take regular math and english, phys-ed and life skills along with 4 other courses like food services, construction, auto mechanics, masonry. We have also applied for direct transportation for her and I think she will get it because the school wrote a letter saying that taking 3 city buses twice a day would make her extremely anxious and when she is like this, she is like a 3 year old in her coping skills.

We are still waiting to hear back about the Aspergers program at the end of the month when the committee makes their decision. There are only 40 spots for all of the high school Aspergers students in the city, so I don't know if she will make it or not. Plus I don't know if she would get direct transportation because there are only two city buses for each school that offers the program.

I almost don't want her to get into the Aspergers program because it will be a hard decision for us to make about where she will do best. We will have to visit the schools and hopefully pick the right program for her.

If she doesn't get the direct transporation, she will likely go to the local high school that is a 5 minute walk away where her twin sister will go and her brother graduated from. If she goes there, she has some friends that will be attending there including a boy she is good friends with who she just found out has Aspergers too.

We are actually having a really good week this week. No meltdowns, my daughters are really getting along and enjoying each other's company. I bought a PS3 for my daughters from my son with 22 games and it seems this game system is the source of harmony in my home now. I also got the girls their own digital cable boxes, so we aren't fighting over the one tv with all the good shows.

Cool! I am glad things are going well.