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Even though school is over, this still bothers me. I am now raising my 15 year old niece (moved in from the west coast) because my sister is incapacitated. The school is familiar with me in regards to my son who has asperger's. My niece is a lovely, friendly, very cute individual and also NT. She's being bullied by a racist clique. I go to the school and almost immediately I'm being told that she should have social skills training - just because she's being bullied. I just walked out without saying anything. If this starts up again next year, I'm just going to the cops/local newspaper. This was said without any evaluation or group meeting or anything - this decision/suggestion was said just because my niece is being bullied - so, blame the victim??
Any input on this?? Snark: Maybe the next time I decide to ride a subway and get beat up and robbed, I should go and have social skills training because maybe if I started a conversation with a complete stranger who wanted to read their newspaper in peace, I would have had company and would not have been alone and targeted.

the school wants off the hook. don't let them off.

The mind boggles...

Was the person who said it someone who ought to have better sense? I am curious what position the person had that he/she felt qualified to make that assumption.

I hate to ask this, but what is your niece's race, and that of her bullies? No need to answer, of course, but it will likely dominate public perception of the matter.

How you react publicly about this matter will have effects well beyond the bullying. Those who disagree with your niece and you might find the racial aspect more important than the facts of criminal behavior.

If you do choose to go public, downplay the racial aspects and stick to the violations of school policies, local ordinances and state laws.

On the other hand, if you do choose to disclose it all, I would support you wholeheartedly.

Unless they suggest giving her an IEP then they are not wanting to do crap.

Totally wrong, and classic example of victim blaming as you have noted.

Ask the school what they are going to do to prevent this happening again that addresses the cause of problem - namely the behaviour of the perpetrators.

Sorry, but isn't it just as much victim blaming when autistic kids get bullied and are sent to social skills training (or even segregated schools)? Why do we accept that?

Who says we do?

1) Because social skills training isn't a punishment. It's a way to learn how to avoid being a bully magnet, among other things.
2) Obviously, it can't be the ONLY response to bullying. The bullies themselves must receive consequences, and safeguards must also be put in place to protect the bullied child.

What is objectionable in this case is the fact that social skills training is being inappropriately suggested, and no other action is being taken.

Anything that a school recommends ask them if they will provide the funding for it.

I don't get it. Shouldn't bullies, well, quit bullying? How in this context is this not a punishment?

How so? Why is it objectionable when the bullying is about race, but not when it is about neurological differences? If social skills training is "a way to learn how to avoid being a bully magnet" surely that would be true of all kinds of bullying. For example, black kids just need to behave more like white kids - and they won't be bullied (or the other way round). Social skills training *is* punishment of the victims. The correct approach would be to send the bullies into neurodiversity awareness training.

Where I live, the school district only gives social skills training to the bullies or kids with other serious behavioral issues. When I brought it up a long time ago before we were even having major issues, I was told I did not want my son in with those kids. (I stupidly thought social skill classes would be like those I read about here where they help kids learn how to socialize and make friends if they want them.) I thought maybe they were snowing me b/c they did not want to provide services, but, no, I saw the kids that were in it.

Other places will give social skill training to actually help kids who need it. In those cases you don't have to be bullied to get it. It is supposed to be to help kids acquire the skills to socialize in expected ways, that will be more successful. It is not supposed to be a punishment.

That said, a lot of people who have gone through it, have posted that they did find it useful. I have neither gone through it myself, and my son has never had it. I don't know if it is an execution issue, or if it is b/c the kids in it were not interested in the objectives. Also to my knowledge, even NT adults do not understand the nuance of how NT kids interact during their hyper-social years. So to be honest, they can probably only help the younger kids, when that nuance is not so important.

It is one of those things that as a parent, seems like it would be helpful, if it worked. My son does a lot of things that do not lend themselves to friend making and in fact are counterproductive. If at some point he wants to learn to socialize better, he will need help b/c he does not have the instinct to figure out social signals

I wasn't talking about this context, I was only talking about social skills training in general. In this instance, social skills training is inappropriate. The child hasn't been evaluated, no evaluation is being suggested, and there is no appearance that any evaluation needs to take place. The school seems to think that being bullied, in and of itself, is a reason for social skills training. Which is absurd.

It is objectionable when the person already has normal social skills. It is not objectionable when the person has below normal social skills. For example, offering to teach an illiterate person to read is kind; offering to teach an English professor to read is an insult.

Oh wow! This is wrong on so many levels! I have perfectly *normal* social skills, thank you very much - but they are different from those of non-autistics. Any suggestion that I am "below normal" is disability-based discrimination.

Offering social skills training to autistic children (or demanding that they participate in it) is like offering to teach a *blind* person to read (rather than providing them with word-to-speech software, Braille texts, or any other accommodations they may need due to their disability). That's an insult!