scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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0 Not well been drinking and taking klonopin.

Too bummed out and having trouble with memory.

I hurt plenty. Waisted another trip to find zero aplications, or advice to fill out online. Got fight picked byone truck driver.. *sarcasum* how DARE i let the gold car out of the parking lot. So dasterdly of me.*ends sarcasum* There was no reason on earth for him to jot down my liscence plate number!

Some people just look at me then turn their nose upward today. I just wave my little finger for a second, because I again did nothing to them. Lastly, one guy was almost to his vehicle when I entered the parking lot. I was over 20 feet away and he nodded and chuckled like I was was freakish or was going to run over him. I stepped out of the car, and ask "what's your problem." He said I need to wait for him to be out of the way. WTF! Here's to another day of HELL!

- 4

I still seethe with self hatred. Nothing was even ever mildly predetermined, life could have gone very different at certain key junctions but instead it took the routes leading to pain. Be the AS ultimately ‘responsible’ or not, I still hate myself. It’s not some abstract question of responsibility, it’s a key here and now issue of what is happening in my life and until my life starts to greater reflect others hate will be a constant companion.

Listening to the Joshua Tree (U2). It’s strange, most albums I associate with emotional periods in my life I can no longer listen to, too many memories. By contrast, despite multiple emotional connections, the Joshua Tree will always stand above that.

+2. The scene in the above avatar resonates with me. However, I had a good day overall, being happily occupied with my projects.

+2

Despite getting a speeding ticket this evening, I got an A on my philosophy mid-term. A near impossible feat for someone who has difficulties with certain abstract thoughts.

I got the ticket because I was racing home to tell everyone about the mid-term, and also because people will think I'm disinterested in them if I am not online at a certain time.

3. Its a pretty day though feel a bit overloaded with responsibilities and under pressure from my mother. Have a lot of things I need to get done today. Generally July has been a +10 on the weird scale when I think of months this year... still trying to process the odd fallout from it, debris is still raining on me from the sky.

I have my initial screening assessment for a diagnosis on 13th August, though still waiting for confirmation of that. So it seems the process will be happening after all.

+8 Best I've been in ages, played tonnes of football today (exercise really does clear your head), and I joined a band for the giggles. I'll probably crash hard but who cares Sorry about the whole "verge of suicide thing" a few days back, that was a little neurotic. I won't actually kill myself, so there's nothing to worry about really. In hindsight that was really neurotic, I spent a few days alone and had a little too much time to think. I'm usually able to sleep that feeling off.

And thanks for replying to my last message outlier . You are right that I could do with a little help, but med's really aren't my thing, especially anti-depressant's (a lot of them can lead to weight gain or Xerostomia, two side effects I dread) and anti-psychotics, and cognitive therapists are very expensive

5-ish.

No number.

New rule for potential dates:

Her main method of communication must be a telephone.

-7. Looks like I've relapsed into my depression of old...

+7 or +8

6/7

+3. I had a good evening, but I was unwell most of the day with fatigue and a few odd symptoms.

+8 Best I've been in ages, played tonnes of football today (exercise really does clear your head), and I joined a band for the giggles. I'll probably crash hard but who cares Sorry about the whole "verge of suicide thing" a few days back, that was a little neurotic. I won't actually kill myself, so there's nothing to worry about really. In hindsight that was really neurotic, I spent a few days alone and had a little too much time to think. I'm usually able to sleep that feeling off.

And thanks for replying to my last message outlier . You are right that I could do with a little help, but med's really aren't my thing, especially anti-depressant's (a lot of them can lead to weight gain or Xerostomia, two side effects I dread) and anti-psychotics, and cognitive therapists are very expensive

0

I confessed my shortcomings, and feel a lot of remorse over it, and I am afraid of the fallout that will ensue.