Can anyone teach me how to not care?

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Fickle_Pickle
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02 Jul 2009, 8:53 pm

MDD123 wrote:
Fickle_Pickle wrote:
It's easy to use emotional detatchment as a defense mechanism towards other people's feelings, so why not my own?


You have feelings no matter what, and you might realize that they're all good feelings. I mean the hate feeling is great when you need to throw a punch or assert yourself.

The love feeling helps you get along with the right people.

The sad feeling helps you express yourself when you can't find the words.

But sometimes these emotions go too far and create unnecessary drama (a woman hates her husband and won't stop crying about it even though people are tired of listening to it).

Emotional detatchment in the form of self sarcasm (or sarcasm in general) can point out the irony of a situation and give you a sense of when the emotion should stop. Also, by contradictiing yourself in an obvious way, you'll sound credible because only a liar will believe themselves all the time.

I remember this one guy who wouldn't stop talking about himself, I mean he'd follow me around to fill me in on his personal details and he even had that BS smirk, not that I'm doing better, but at least I'm not gonna follow you around here and tell you how pneumonia made me a douchebag.


Funny thing is that self-sarcasm is what I do best.



MDD123
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02 Jul 2009, 11:10 pm

It won't be hard to use it on others, they aren't gonna be nice in the fast food world, I find it easier to get sarcastic towards others when they aren't being nice, kind of the way shake just gets sarcastic towards anyone not rolling out the red carpet, it's a skill you pick up. I swear though, you're ready to get out and show the world some sarcasm.



Fickle_Pickle
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03 Jul 2009, 4:25 am

MDD123 wrote:
It won't be hard to use it on others, they aren't gonna be nice in the fast food world, I find it easier to get sarcastic towards others when they aren't being nice, kind of the way shake just gets sarcastic towards anyone not rolling out the red carpet, it's a skill you pick up. I swear though, you're ready to get out and show the world some sarcasm.


Well, considering I feel like Adam and Eve did when they got kicked out of the Garden of Eden, I doubt I'd show kindness or show that I'm unrattled and optimistic. I feel like God's foot has lampooned my home, and left me empty inside from losing everything. My old friends want me to come back, but I don't think I will since I don't feel like the old me anymore.



Michjo
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03 Jul 2009, 4:37 am

Sarcasm is a very good defense mechanism, because it protects who you are as a person. If you were to say something offensive in a sarcastic way, you can always back-track. Sarcasm protects you from being attacked, and gives you the upper-hand should somebody chose to verbally assault you for something you have said.

As for not caring, i don't think you can psycologically achieve it, i think people are just born not caring. You could try being more stoic, that involves supressing emotions.



Fickle_Pickle
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03 Jul 2009, 4:42 am

Michjo wrote:
Sarcasm is a very good defense mechanism, because it protects who you are as a person. If you were to say something offensive in a sarcastic way, you can always back-track. Sarcasm protects you from being attacked, and gives you the upper-hand should somebody chose to verbally assault you for something you have said.

As for not caring, i don't think you can psycologically achieve it, i think people are just born not caring. You could try being more stoic, that involves supressing emotions.


I just can't supress them, they always end up pushing their way through, so supression is a no-go, unless you can tell me how and explain how suppression works.

And yes, I know sarcasm is a wonderful defense mechanism, which is why I want to master it. Sadly, it could take 3-5 years. :cry:



Michjo
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03 Jul 2009, 4:58 am

You'll have to give me some examples of what makes you emotional and why it makes you emotional.



Fickle_Pickle
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03 Jul 2009, 6:16 am

Michjo wrote:
You'll have to give me some examples of what makes you emotional and why it makes you emotional.


I just do! No explanations needed. And I get hurt when people insult me. I just want to scream, cry and break things.



MDD123
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03 Jul 2009, 8:13 am

I can identify with those feelings, I just had a situation with my roomate and they know a guy who can get pissed when he gets poked fun of.

You have to realize that people aren't always trying to get you upset, but sometimes they just are and will go through extreme measures to get it out of you. You came to the right place for advice on how to keep your cool.

Have you seen the movie "Thank you for smoking"
That movie shows a guy who just flips the argument into the finger pointer and royally pisses them off. I mean does he lack a concience? He can defend a dying 8 year old kid by making anti-tobacco lobbyists look bad. That movie isn't about the virtues of a cigarette, that movie is about the virtues of standing your ground for people who want to get a rise out of you.

I still shake up when people gather around me for a good taunting (and they know it), but I'm not the one who has to plaster up my wall after getting my head smashed through it (I'd like to point out that I DIDN'T start that fight), I can always walk away feeling good.



Fickle_Pickle
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03 Jul 2009, 8:18 am

MDD123 wrote:
I can identify with those feelings, I just had a situation with my roomate and they know a guy who can get pissed when he gets poked fun of.

You have to realize that people aren't always trying to get you upset, but sometimes they just are and will go through extreme measures to get it out of you. You came to the right place for advice on how to keep your cool.

Have you seen the movie "Thank you for smoking"
That movie shows a guy who just flips the argument into the finger pointer and royally pisses them off. I mean does he lack a concience? He can defend a dying 8 year old kid by making anti-tobacco lobbyists look bad. That movie isn't about the virtues of a cigarette, that movie is about the virtues of standing your ground for people who want to get a rise out of you.

I still shake up when people gather around me for a good taunting (and they know it), but I'm not the one who has to plaster up my wall after getting my head smashed through it (I'd like to point out that I DIDN'T start that fight), I can always walk away feeling good.


Sadly, I'm different, as I DO start them (by whining, but the other people turn in into a fight by being hostile to me, yet they claim I started it), even my mom says so (she is SUCH a good mother :roll: ). I don't have the guts to kill myself, even though I've thought of it. I just want to cry, scream and break things because my words prove to be ineffective. I just need a good electric tazing.



peterd
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03 Jul 2009, 8:20 am

It's not just sarcasm - the slightest lapse from saying only things that pass the test of complete blandness can lead to rejection and ostracism.

If I wasn't a dedicated and incurable optimist, I'd ...

No, don't go there. I'm not even an optimist any longer. Just irrevocably stubborn.



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03 Jul 2009, 9:37 am

That was my roomate situaton exactly. One time I showed up in the game room and I'm waiting for JAG to be over with because my roomate and I will go to the gym afterwards. I hate the show JAG because I can't stand that one marine, I mean you're supposed to like her, but she comes off as a real b***h when I watch the show and then they spend the ther half of it trying to make her look down to earth again, not my cup of tea.

I told my roomate and he told me I could leave if I was gonna complain about the show (didn't seem to realize that I wanted to go to the gym with a spotter), my solution? I went to the gym on my own after that, I'm in pretty good shape and he still lives in the gameroom watching JAG and playing halo all day.

I'm really getting the vibe that you're in a rough spot, I mean living under the kind of scrutiny I'm reading about is just stressful and makes you want to defend yourself. You seem to realize how capable you are of pushing things when people try to flip arguments on you, there's a difference between correcting you and straight up calling you out and making you feel bad for expressing yourself.

There are all kinds of outlets and they all come with warning labels. I mean you could go to a church to get away from it all (especially one that they wouldn't like), but the church will try to establish some control over you (intentionally or unintentionally). You could let a man into your life, but men are out for something and you could end up feeling very used when they go out clubbing with their friends and act like nothing ever happened. Even a little mary jane isn't the absolute answer here, but you probably knew all of this to begin with, I had to either learn the hard way, or had to watch my siblings go through it (I have a lot of sisters).

It's pretty clear to me that you need some kind of outlet from the house though, I don't think you even want to hate them for not understanding, so you don't have to do that unless they're just pushing it out of you, but I think you do need to get out in the world they're hiding you from (or maybe they're hiding it from you) and find out for yourself. If you start tuning your family out just a little though, they'll get the hint that you didn't appreciate them degrading you (a lot of us know how that feels).



Fickle_Pickle
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01 Aug 2009, 3:53 am

Michjo wrote:
As for not caring, i don't think you can psycologically achieve it, i think people are just born not caring. You could try being more stoic, that involves supressing emotions.


It's been 2 years, and counting and I STILL can't achieve this AT ALL. The feelings STILL manage to force their way through.



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01 Aug 2009, 8:53 am

Fickle_Pickle wrote:
And be numb and sarcastic? Thanks.


Teaching you how is just like telling you to kill yourself :(


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Fickle_Pickle
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02 Aug 2009, 1:12 am

I really wish I were older, I really do. :cry:



ZEGH8578
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02 Aug 2009, 8:28 am

Fickle_Pickle wrote:
I really wish I were older, I really do. :cry:


^^^ your 666th post. pretty cool. you totally failed to notice 8)


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02 Aug 2009, 9:50 am

a) you get drunk.
b) You smoke something, anything really.
c) Be more selfish and angry at the world, assume what is your fault is actually because that other jerk in the corner. That jerk just ruined your life, go punch his lights out!

Please note that if you do these things all the time, you will be a smartass and no body will like you. Do it on your own time when the people you actually care about aren't nearby. I wouldn't reccommend doing it at work. School's okay though, you're not getting paid.