scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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2: NT bigotry and assholeism,enough said.

10 'cause I got the Shockcoil in MPH!

0. My therapist says I have an eating disorder.

That is not news to me at all, could have told you that weeks ago. The question is, are you willing to waste half of your life on it as I did, at the expense of getting enjoyment out of your youth? Believe me, if you live through it, you live to regret the lost years.

10, because I'm going to play MPH soon.

It was a shock for me though. A BIG shock. My diagnosis: Eating Disorder NOS.

I was Dx'd with anorexia when I was 17. I don't see how it can be a shock when you post so much about how fat you are, and about wanting to be like a certain model and about how much or little you eat...those things alone show it. What are you going to do about it? Just allow it to get worse and worse until you end up forced into a hospital?

There isn't a number. There isn't much of anything.

Was having a hard time dealing with yesterday's events today. Thought watching a movie and smoking a healthy amount would help. Downloaded The Science of Sleep yesterday, so I watched it. Now I just think I'm a bit crazy. Well, a crazy person wouldn't likely recognize their issues, but I'm definitely not "ok" or "sane."

In the past I have had some very bizarre thoughts. Questions that don't make sense, yet make perfect sense, though that doesn't make much...sense. One that gave me a headache and yet that is completely incoherent was a one-word question. "Why?" I tried explaining it to my mother at one point, well, she asked me to explain what I meant, I couldn't. Had others too. Like how horrible would it be if you knew there was something severely wrong going on, and nobody would believe you, because nobody else could see it? That in turn caused thoughts of what if there wasn't really anything wrong, past that you're crazy? Even then, if that's the case, something's wrong and nobody's noticed.

I see patterns and connections where nobody else seems to. If they're there, I'm going mad because I can't seem to show them to anyone else. Or I could just be delusional.

Is that a loophole? If I say that I'm quite possibly crazy, and I happen to be right, is that different than a completely insane person saying they were completely insane?

This is all looping around. I don't know how I typed that much. My "m" key isn't working well, that irritates me. I guess I'll post this so if this is one of those light memory-loss times I'll have a record of it. Just fixed the "m" key, crumb or something underneath. Regardless, I need to somehhow stop thinking for a few minutes. So I'm going to smoke a cig...a stimulant, counterintuitive.

But I'm not even thin, and I feel fine physically besides feeling fat. But right now, I don't care if I go to a hospital.

7 chest still hurts but not nearly as much

10 still. I made a picture of Argorok and Ridley.

I'm glad that the pain is better...would slowly taking a deep breath (slowly count to 4 while inhaling, slowly count to 4 while exhaling) help? If the condition is related to breathing, applying gentle pressure (with your fingertips) beneath your clavicles and along the sides of your sternum could help...If it gets any worse, it might be a good idea to go to a doctor...I hope you feel better...

she left the hospital this friday, but she returned today at 7 pm for more analysis. Now we know she doesn't has cancer, her tumor is a rare sickness called paraganglioma, and that tumor has to be eradicated, maybe her surgery will be on May, I dunno.

Now the problem is that the tumor is crushing some nerves, and she feels her right hand a little tired, and her pinky and ring fingers are losing sensibility. That surgery is a little dangerous, because surgeons could cut some nerves accidentaly, and it can cause a lot of problems.

That's one reason why I feel stressed and depressed.

Now, my level is 6, listening to music has relaxed me a little.

10. I'm going offline soon to play MPH.

2. Could be better.

Now I'm at a -3. I'm trying to talk to a friend about my problem and now he's being all sensitive about it and I hate it.