scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Don't worry. Enjoy the day.

6

0 - low for me. nice craft show outing with friend this afternoon. and had a cold one with a husband whose chemo treatments allowed him for a change to celebrate national beer day. but anxious because i'm getting behind on schoolwork because "why bother? the climate crisis will end us all anyway."

... Really.

Being an alexithymic empath is like...
Well, imagine having visual synethesia while having colorblindness at the same time. Or having perfect pitch hearing while being tone deaf at the same time.
Except instead of visual or auditory, it's about feelings and sensations.

These days I kept forgetting that I became one. Or discovered that I might've been one. I was damn busy.
It was that experience, which is weeks ago, felt like a whole lifetime ago. The difference between of that from right now is stark.

It's not just about other people anymore, it's also about myself.
It's easy to conclude that I could've been subclinically depressed -- yet everything seems to be the opposite of the whole effect.

My thoughts, my emotions... It seems to have been less intense, it just became more subtle. I've yet to actually learn how to distinguish in between at this state.
Could've easily mistook this for numb or dullness, when in reality I'm not sensing hollowing emptiness. Just sensing more noise that I have no idea what it meant yet.

It's this weird on-off like awareness. Times I got so busy and caught up with living, I forgot the other side exists.
Sometimes I sense both, few parts forgotten few parts remembered.


If I'd go with the thread's topic; As far as I'm aware of...
My body says -2. Because really, this whole week I got no day off and I'm still bleeding. So I'd get to work for an entire 12 days without a daybreak in addition to the bodily cycle that apparently extended for over 4 days now.
My emotion says ??? Something +2, something -4, something +8, something I dunno. A passing +4, some social -3... It may or may not be my own.
My mind says -5 cause I got no day off and it's likely stress. At the same time there was a +6 for some reason, a +4 something something comfortable, some satisfying +8, and a 0.

And countless static that I got no idea what it meant, or something I cannot describe yet, or that I chose not post it here.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

+10
I'm really happy!

-5

Yet another lead turns out to be a dead end. I guess I really don't have any choice but to live with my parents unless I eventually reach the point where I can live entirely independently. Which may or may not ever happen. But then what's going to happen once they can no longer provide the assistance I need?

Can relate to mental pain post on here but , am kinda curious about this change as a constant thing.
Guess am a 1 .. at least not in negative numbers

Supposedly an -8 or so because of work.
But a huge part of me acts as if it's too sensitive and chickened out, pretending its a flat 0 or so.


Supposedly a +4 or so since I got some treats.
But a huge part of me is still hiding in some box or something, pretending to not exist.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

About a 7.5 to an 8 at the moment. I am a bit zoned out as I have been on the fringes of partial shutdowns as I have forced myself to do a small amount of work on a bicycle (Which my brother did most of it) and my brother needed a few items moving which need two people to move. So I am chilling out relaxing... Waiting to recover.

-2 Back to feeling quite alienated.

-7

Found somewhere that looks good, but you have to be on the Missouri side of the state line and I'm on the Kansas side. Why am I even bothering to continue looking? I thought I'd already come to the conclusion that there isn't anything that will work for me, all I'm doing is continuing to get my hopes up for nothing.

3. I'm okay, but my impulse control seems non-existent lately.

I don't have a clue where I am on the scale. I can't put feelings into numbers. I can't gather my feelings. I am numb so I am waiting for the numbness to ease.

Is this numbness natural? I am otherwize very emotional. But since about 2007 onwards when lots of things happened I go numb. Emotionless if anything happens. Is it a good thing? Is it something I need to be concerned about? I feel like a robot. I just function...
Later the numbness will ease and I will have my emotions back.

Is this something connected with autism or is it common to life? I really don't know?

So numbers... What numbers does one use there is no needle on the dial? No indication of feeling?

Err... I don't really know? I can't really guess! I can't! Am I ok. Yes. I am. I am functioning ok. (I'm on the loo at the moment. Everything works! Well. When it decides to come out! Haha!)...

But feelings... What happens when ones mind goes numb?

1.35. my back often barks at me at about 3 in the morning.

-3. I want to move but it's going to take forever to get my place fixed up (painted, new flooring etc) because work is too busy for me to take time off to get it all done. The sooner I get it finished the sooner I can sell it and move away.
I had to cancel my next fortnight's leave today because I keep getting harrassed about all these urgent jobs at work.

-20 why do I bother I have no future.