scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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What's the view?
Generally speaking, when one expresses a view, one should anticipate other people might have opinions about that view. You don't have to care and you're free to criticize their views on your initial view.

WHAT .....,! WILL WILLINGLY critique your outspoken opinion about my own much louder outspoken opinion ... And inconclusion , would like to add .. : ERROR 404 Quotation not found:

Humour implied.

NaN

I wish the last week was just a really bad nightmare. Heck, I wish the past 10 years was just a nightmare. Please wake me up from this.

4? Not awful but not fantastic. My back is achey and I feel like I might be headed for a fibro flare.

2

i'm on 4.5 hours of sleep yet my body decides its not tired enough to get more

so i just lie in bed with my eyes closed doing nothing.

-20 I can’t live homeless

Not many people can. What makes you think you will be homeless?

Fighting in family’s getting worse had to call the police yesterday

We can’t keep living together like this but it takes years to get on housing
And I don’t have enough to rent a apartment for $900

Sorry about that, Sly.

7...? Day off and got nothing planned. Or well, I also have a day off tomorrow, so I've decided to do a major clean up then through the whole apartment since I always have Thursday as a cleaning day anyway. I think I'll start today with some little stuff, so I won't have all that much work tomorrow.

0

Was going to say something personally meaningful here but I don't think anyone's listening. It's also the reason I don't see a therapist, or trust doctors or cops in general. Most of the time I think my words float into the void unheard, or totally misunderstood, which is worse and lead to conflicts that never should have existed.

It's the misunderstandings that prevent me from even approaching therapists, doctors, or cops. Initial impressions that are so biased that they prevent one from seeing a person, perhaps in a "reasonable" course of reactions to the lingering uncertainties about them, create subsequent harm for them individually, subsequent trauma, further alienation from systems supposedly designed to help.

I respect that my misgivings make all of my judgments go both ways, but I know from experience that I'm an OK person that means no harm or unearned contempt towards anyone.

If they have a problem with being able to ascertain/measure/determine that about me then I reflectively have the same problem with every single other person on the planet singe I was 6 years old.

Whatever the established ways of things have been able to try to measure my worth by, I've been terrified since an early age about what they'd do to me if I was judged inadequate.

Maybe that was personally meaningful.

+4

F**k you and your comment about my neck hair you shallow prick.

F**k you and your comment about my unkempt beard you shallow prick.

Maybe I actually use these things as defensive devices to keep overly shallow pricks like you, or the female variation thereof, away. In my experience the people with overtly visual concerns have never cared about ME, the entity inside my mind, i.e. ME.

.125. insomniac.

?

Death is scary. I already feel responsible for my high-school girlfriend, but now, with my mom having a heart attack two days before my birthday I'm beginning to wonder if I had something to do with that death too. I stopped talking to her earlier this year and blocked her number. Did she try to contact me and the inability to do so killed her? Did I do this? Did I kill another person? Maybe that's what I do, I kill the people I love. Maybe that's why nobody gets close to me, they can feel it. I don't know what to feel.

^^man, that's heavy in my experience it is best not to allow oneself to dwell on such thoughts.

-10,000

The past few days I've felt nothing. Now it feels like too much. As always though, I hate myself. Maybe it will dissipate once I sleep and I'll return to NaN. Probably not! I am kinda drunk right now but it's the first time I've felt feelings at all in the past couple days... since I had a horrible other night when I completely lacked out.

It's not even just my mom (just!, f*ck). My best friend/love gone, over the past few weeks my classes and work are messed up. I now haven't been to work or school in over a week, or talked to anyone on that side about anything that's been happening, so I feel kinda screwed.