scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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I suppose the only insight I can offer is that you want to feel something, and cutting is letting you feel something... I am guessing the alcohol numbed you, the cutting makes you feel. I never cutted from anything but rage and frustration myself. I am sorry you are feeling so bad, and wish you would stop drinking as I am sure you didnt' used to be this way. Why are you feeling so cr** that you need to drink so much?

I don't know why I'm drinking so much. the cutting, I'm not numb to it, it is one of the few things I physically feel. I don't even know why I'm cutting. It doesn't make sense to me. I've got a good ten or twelve cuts on my upper arm. Smart enough to do it where my parents and family will never know in a week's time, iv I survive that long for them to get here for graduation.
It doesn't make sense. I've dealt with cutters, and as bad as it is, I've stereotyped them...well..can't say them, but past tense them in the past. I had a great deal of loathing for the type that would cut in the past. I don't know what drove me to it tonight. I don't know why it doesn't bother me. it is almost comforting, which is asinine. I'm fighting myself to keep myself from cutting more, which probably sounds silly. Id on't want to d9o it, but I do. I don't knwo, maybe it is for a sense of control in a life that I feel like I'll never have any real sense of control over.

god, I fell like all it is is atention whoring. I don't want attention. I really don't. And yet, that's all cutting is, at least to me right now, but it isn't. I'm not doing it for attention, if I were I'd make itin a noticeable place. I don't f*****g know what the hell I'm even saying. Thanks for responding though, it helps to know that someone other than just me knows what's going on, at least to some degree.

Self-harm is telling you that your life is a little overwhelming at the moment.

People do it to feel control...you and only you can stop and start whenever you wish
some do it to “feel”
some do it to prove to themselves that they aren’t “weak” because they cannot handle things that everyone does with seamless ease
some do it due to frustration; with their environment with their emotions with their disabilities

This is just a condensed reiteration of what you and Graelwyn said...you're not alone. I feel your pain.

iv cut myself nearly every night for 8years i know how it feels
i know it can be addictive and harmful.
but i dont want u to end up like me:
f****d in the head and better off dead.
i find it amusing sometimes to watch my hand go black as i drain the blood out of it
i dnt feel pain anymore and if i did i would likely be undettered and carry on.
i get bored and im always upset so its no surprise i do it
just dont get like me, my left hand has over 80 scars and my right has 20 though many have faded. i will carry on doing it until 1 day i loose too much.

It was too late to get something to eat then. I was meant to be asleep. And I felt a bit sick.

1
Feeling crap but could be worse.

-2 now actually.

there are a few things that can help, the best is meditation if done successfully and properly.
but i dont even try
i like seeing myself in pain, even though it is sub-concious as i am numb to it
also i do not care, i do it because i know every pint of blood harms my body and kills me a little bit more. my body is fast to repair it and always makes more than i loose.
but my heart beats at 180 when iv drained 2 pints from my hand
making my heart closer to failure every day.
maybe i enjoy it, maybe i dont care
tbh i dnt give a s**t i just want to die.
i have wanted to die since i was 6.
i started self harming in general 8years ago
cutting was 5 years ago.
yes i have my whole life ahead of me as im told.
this just annoys me as i dnt want to live and thinking of all those years i will carry on living just fustrates me and makes me more determined to die.

I felt this way long before I ever cut. Hell, tonight was the first time, and I never thought it would happen. I've got twenty cigarette burns as scars up both my arms, but I never thought I'd cut. I don't know why I ever saw it as different in my head, but for some reason I did.

I feel like there's a war going on in my head between me and...well..myself. I have probably cut myself roughly twenty times tonight, and I've never done it before. I just don't get it. I'm fighting myself, and I don't know why. I think it is because I took on someone else's problems. At times I feel like a sponge for that kind of thing, there's just no shutting it out.

edit...not anyone here, don't want to give that impression.

hey my body is a battle ground of various elements
iv got loads of cigarette burns all over me.
most of my scars come from when i was 6 (raped and tortured for 5 hours)
and i just hurt myself more and more
overdoses, fag burns, razorblade cuts
anything even smoking, ecstasy, tried heroine, tried to get alcohol poisoning at 8.
all my life iv just wanted to die
1day i will succeed.
everything i do now is geared to hurting myself.
i self harm to kill my body
i dont want to die quickly i want to die painfully and slowly
i want to feel the last bits of my life fleet away.
my mental and emotional side was killed long ago
im just a physical being now
i have no soul except a blackened pitiful excuse for 1.
i dont care if i die i want it to come and 1 day it will
maybe later when im alone il drain another 2pints as i did it a few hours ago
or i cud hang myself
but i prefer bleeding to death its much more enjoyable
i saw the true meaning of life and wat humans were like when i was 6.

-2 i want my mom to hurry up and go to work so then il be alone and have the freedom to do wat i want.

1
Flo's here so I feel a bit better but I have to go in 20 minutes and I haven't even got up or found out if I even have anything to wear. I might just go in wearing pajamas.

im glad ur feeling a little better
im sure you will find something to wear but if u dnt im sure no1 will mind u going in ur pjs

Thanks.
I hope you feel better soon as well. Maybe if you slept for a bit you would feel better later.

im always upset but i have moments where happiness covers it but never replaces it
i will sleep later but only by passing out

5

I got bored since Graelwyn left.

9 Feel hyped up on green tea, talking about my old obsession chemistry online and about to walk my dogs (not walked in 2 days).