Feel like a robot

Post Reply New Topic

I feel like a robot who wasn't given the manual to read. There really is no reason for me to be on this earth. I sleep 12 hours a day because of anti-depressants that prevent me from beyond-rock-bottom-depression (as in hospital-bound depression)...so in effect, instead of being awake all the time and wanting to, or actually being in the hospital, I'm sleeping 12 hours then waking up and being too drowsy to care.

When I do go out, I just feel like an actor who wasn't given his script and is on stage in a live performance. I feel like in some other world, some other entities are observing me and getting a kick out of the fact that I don't want to live but am too afraid to die.

I almost wish I had taken those pills after this girl dumped me a couple years ago. Sure, it would have been for the wrong reasons (some girl I knew for a brief period of time) but at least I wouldn't be here now. I can't think of one good thing that has come out of me making that decision to not go through with it.

You mean the book where the author suggests that depression is all in your head and your problems aren't that big of a deal?

I really want to die, I just don't have the balls to end it myself. I don't remember a time I ever wanted to live. I remember seeing shrinks when I was 10.

When I feel like a robot, I watch this video and it makes me feel a little better.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXa9tXcMhXQ&list=FLey9_f46nfHXu55iw-h6irw&index=3&feature=plpp_video[/youtube]