I feel self-conscious about my face

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...I have had some really bad sleeping issues in the past few years, and it has just screwed up my face. I think I look really depressed and sad, or possibly crazy. I used to look like a young college student, and now I look like a young weirdo drug-user.

I just don't know what to do. I know I should have seen the doctor before specifically for that, but whenever I go its as if "having trouble sleeping" is something so ordinary that they don't think anything of it.

And its another saturday night. Where can I go. I should have this figured out by now. My social skills when I worked in customer service a few years ago weren't that bad. My social skills right now are probably the worst they have ever been in my life. I couldn't just go to a bar even if I wanted to. I can't step that high up. I can't force myself to do that again. I already did it. I really regret forcing myself to do stuff like that, because even though I tried to put my best face forward, I just ended up making more bad memories.

Either stay home alone and wonder what it would be like to have fun in a bar/club, or actually force myself to go and then wish I would have just stayed at home because I f**k up or I just spread my bad vibes out there, and that gets back to me.

It really sucks not having many friends. I don't have to inform of my romance status. Its just like why is this sh!T hitting me right now all of the sudden? Why couldn't I have felt like this 6-7 years ago when I started college, so I could have actually made a different and now I would be somewhere completely different.

Some people are "late-bloomers", but I honestly feel so wretched that I never "bloomed" (as gay as that sounds you know what I mean), and it feels like I never will.

Why am I so sad all of the sudden. Why couldn't I have felt this way when I was in High School so I actually could have gotten help and not wasted years. Was I just not capable of emotion back then? I didn't have any friends in HS. I was all completely alone and avoidant, and I couldn't even talk about it. Why did I have to dissociate so much.

All I really wanted when I was 14 was a girlfriend, even though that was a REALLY young age and I didn't know that. Now all I still just want is a girlfriend. I had my first crush when I was 11, and the f*****g girl had every class with me. I never once talked to her, I couldn't. I would just look at her when she wasn't looking, and then one day she and a friend were standing outside and I remember her saying hi and I just kept walking I couldn't ever give away anything.

I don't think I ever approached any girls in HS. I never had any friends in HS, so that was already killing me.

I don't know I just don't know whats wrong with me. WHy the f**k couldn't I come out of my shell. I've have so many chances.

I can't talk to my parents. I have almost no emotional-connection with them. I don't know whose fault that is more mine or theirs. I don't like to admit im weak, I don't like to whine or complain about my feelings. If I called them and said I am really depressed they would ask "how come?", like they have no f!cking idea in the whole world. How could I even possibly begin to describe. They have no idea how alone I have been my whole life. Most of my life I have been able to escape it and I probably did it subconsciously, but now its impossible. Its just here in every way. I'm positive I give it off everywhere too.

I had a thread a while back about pushing the "reset" button on life. I don't think many if any said that they would. I still can't see a reason why I wouldn't if I could. I know thats an awful thing to say, but I wouldnt even hesitate to do so

I've seen people often suggest an interest group as a way of socialising which then leads to going out to places outside the interest (such as a group of people who are on a photography course, meeting up afterwards in a bar for a drink). Do you have an interest(or hobby) in anything that would have a group of people surrounding it? Or perhaps try volunteering in your community, that's a good way of getting out and meeting people which again may lead to expanding your social life.

I personally can't think of any of my interests that would have a social group but I volunteered at the local playgroup, helping to fundraise(I was great with coming up with ideas but rubbish at helping out). That then led to being invited out to places with the group of volunteers. Although most of the time it was to bars and I don't drink so I always turned them down and the one time we were supposed to go to the movies they cancelled at the last minute (literally I was waiting for one of them to pick me up)

You mentioned you have some friends, could you not go to a bar with them? As for getting a girlfriend have you considered online dating? There will be plenty of women looking for that someone special and that someone might be you so don't rule it out as an option. Online doesn't always have to mean long distance either, you could try looking for a local online dating site or I'm sure they must have options to narrow the search down to a specific radius.

Oh and I'm sure your face is fine, what you see as major flaw others will probably not notice at all and if your having trouble sleeping get help with that. So what if it's something alot of people suffer with the point is your suffering and don't let a doctor make you think otherwise, demand something be done.

You should get something that will help you to sleep at night.