Was typing how I feel...and it turned into this rant....

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Do not read if you are not in the mood for a rant!

Rather irritated....my mom was acting a bit strange making me question if I'd want her as a payee if SSI decides I need one, luckily I have a friend who might be willing to and I know without a doubt I can trust him I kinda wonder about my mom sometimes though. Also my 12 year old brother has a friend over and they went to bed a while ago...and I have been trying to relax more or less. And a few minutes ago my moms boyfriend yelled to where the whole house could hear about 'OMG there's a f***** pizza pan in the sink that got puked on, no one ever cleans up after themself!'(paraphrasing). Yes I left a pizza pan and a pan in the sink meaning to wash them in the morning, not my fault someone puked in a sink of dishes rather than the toilet. Yes he had to rinse it off because he noticed it...but he complains about the dishes all the time and I dont' get why he feels the need to do them at 11 at night or 12 am when someone can just as well do them in the morning and I do half the cleaning and wash dishes of everyones fairly regularly...I have even asked him not to do the dishes before and let someone else do it since he clearly can't handle it. Also it never fails if I am talking to my mom or my brother about something he'll come and interrupt with some 'who put this can in the paper recycling, the cans and bottles go in one bin and paper goes in the other one' type comment. Not to mention I had to throw away garbage from his cooking earlier I really didn't care but it makes me mad I clean up even after other people sometimes and he acts like its the end of the world if I leave a dish in the sink or a box of tea out. I have told him time and time again, I have problems with concentration and short term memory so yes I sometimes forget to put things away right away, or I get side tracked. It is just so aggravating and stresses me out even more as being guilt tripped for forgetting things and having trouble concentrating when I did not exactly choose to have these problems.

Luckily he is going away for a few days tomorrow....and tomorrow I will see if my moms still being weird, uhh I just don't want to have her as the payee and then have her try and use it against me or something though realistically if she did I probably know more about the law and how to take action than she does. But I can't let myself stress over that so I will keep in mind if I am not comfortable with my mom playing that role I will ask my friend I've known for a few years if he's interested.

Also tired and want to sleep but of course my moms boyfriend is up their making all kinds of noise...I really wish he could at least wear slippers or socks when he's walking around upstairs on the hard floor late at night.

It sucks that NTs are constantly giving us grief for things we've repeatedly told them we have no control over.
I can relate (see my thread posted in The Haven this evening for details).

It's like they don't believe us becase they can't bring themselves to believe that other people would have problems that they themselvs don't.

Yeah it is annoying, I mean its hard enough just dealing with the fact...that my functioning including some mental functioning is very effected by my co-morbid conditions without constantly being shamed for it. Its frustrating enough as is...also I have been struggling with whether or not I need to be in the psych ward all week having to really watch how I feel and if I am having harmful thoughts...I really don't need people tying to stress me out over petty things. I don't see what is wrong with a gentle reminder if I leave a couple things out I make an effort to clean up after myself and sometimes get side tracked if someone simply reminds me that would be fine. But my moms boyfriend just yells about it till someone comes to see what crawled up his a**. I think next time I will simply tell him to shut up.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having harmful thoughts.
I've had suicidal ideation before, and actually a bit yeasterday morning thinking about what would happen if my car got towed which my landlord is threatening to do.
It sucks.
I hope you feel better.

I think your plan of telling him to shut up is good, although it might just focus his rantings on you rather than accomplish the goal of getting him to shut up.

Perhaps I will tell him to relax then...but I won't have to deal with him for a few days. Its just a hard situation, I mean I don't 'hate' the guy and he has done helpful things...but that simply does not make up for the constant nagging and b****ing and yelling he does and then can never see that maybe he's acting a little immature or even maybe did something wrong. Maybe he needs some kind of anger therapy...I mean no wonder he has tension problems in his neck with all that pent up anger.

Anyways thinks for the reply, and I should feel a little better after i get some sleep. Its 4:30 am where I am...all that I was ranting about got me kind of on edge so I haven't been able to sleep.

No problem, glad to give you some feedback and let you know someone's listening at least.
Hope you get some rest.

I think your mums boyfriend is OCD

Sometimes I wonder, but at the same time he does not exactly arrange things in an orderly manner his desk area is all cluttery with piles of paper, the garage is full of a lot of his stuff crammed where ever it fits with my moms stuff and other random items there aren't room in the house for. So its difficult to tell if his behavior related to some kind of OCD anxiety about things being out of place in his eyes, or if he's just trying to provoke people. Its also frusterating that he refuses to address that maybe its not always 'other' people and he does make mistakes and acts rudely at times...let alone consider anything like having OCD.

that sounds rough, i hate yelling, hurts my ears and makes me afraid. also don't like people mad at me.
I have ocd tendencies but I'm also messy, though for me it's cause i have a tiny room and too much stuff with no where to put them but on top of other stuff, so i can at least semi easy find the tings i need.

also you're a girl didn't know that.

That first sentence described me exactly!
You see ocd isn't about order...
it's about what belongs!

What about seemingly hostile reactions to things not being where they belong and what not? Or is a more apparent anxiety reaction more common? Or does it vary a lot......if you don't know I could probably go look it up, but seems you know more about it than me.

It varies a lot!
It's like, when every thing works out perfectly, I couldn't give a s**t
(sorry about the French!)
but when the tiniest thing go out of place, I seeth with anger!
uncontrolled hate and despair collide inside me and it's just
Hell


That's where the epicentre is!
That's where bewilderment and frustration collide!
That's where I can't help myself

MY place is a mess
It is strewn with my stuff
every day I swear I will clean it up and get organised
and every day I come home with more stuff and throw it on the pile
and the next day I swear I will clean it up and get organised...

and every day I come home with more stuff and throw it on the pile
and the next day I swear I will clean it up and get organised...

and every day I come home with more stuff and throw it on the pile
and the next day I swear I will clean it up and get organised...

etc

Holy crap , that sounds terrible...is there anything that helps you?...But yeah that is kind of what he does, always gets stuff from garage sales or whatever that we don't necessarily need and always stocks up on groceries like buying in bulk and such and then gets really frustrated when stuff is out of place.

For the noise, have you tried ear plugs? I cannot sleep without them.

I've tried that but having things in my ears bothers me after a while especially if trying to sleep....I can't even stand wearing headphones too long.

Have you tried the softer ones? I am used to them by now even though I did not like them at the start. Now I can't sleep without them.